If I Were A Man

I rarely write blog posts with one gender in mind- that is to say aimed at one gender. But today’s post is intended mostly for my fellow ladies, though of course men are always welcome & encouraged to read as well. I shouldn’t have to say that but I want to be very up front that this is NOT one of those scathing feminist rants about the patriarchy- I promise! I’ve been meaning to write this for a while but since March is women’s history month, now seems like an appropriate time.

Anyway, without further ado, let me jump straight to the point. Ladies, have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you were a man? Have you ever considered the different choices you would have made & moreover what other people around you might have encouraged you to do if you simply had different chromosomes & anatomy? Of course there’s really nothing simple about it, is there? But it feels that way sometimes.

YEAH, I’M NOT A BIG FAN OF BEYONCE BUT THIS ONE WAS A GOOD ONE, NO DOUBT.

I for one can say with almost certainty that if I were a man, I’d have become a doctor. From elementary school all the way through college, I was routinely told how intelligent I was, by both students & teachers alike. (It’s actually continued all throughout adulthood, to be honest.) Considering I showed an interest in science & the medical field, if I’d been male, I can just about guarantee that people would have encouraged me to go to medical school rather than nursing school. And I’m quite sure I’d have done it! After all, three guys I knew in high school who were in all the same advanced classes I was have gone on to become doctors. I hate to sound like I’m bragging but I know I’m every bit as smart as they are- I imagine they’d admit it too. Yet here I am, “just a nurse.”

In today’s world, about 50% of medical students ARE female so it’s not like I was ever told I couldn’t be a doctor because of my gender. Absolutely not. But I DID feel like being a doctor as a woman would be much harder because it would make having a family much more challenging, especially if I had a husband with a similarly demanding career. Now for much of my life, the truth is I didn’t see myself being a mom but I think on some level I must have known I’d change my mind some day, because I certainly made choices in my life with that in mind.

In the end I chose to do nursing school instead of medical school for several reasons. One- I got a full scholarship to nursing school & who in their right mind would turn that down, especially when you would otherwise have a lot of school loans to pay off for years on end? Two- I figured I could always go back to school to be an NP which is very similar to being a doctor & would be plenty good enough for me. In fact that was my career goal for years. Three- I figured it would be easier to balance a family as a nurse or even an NP than as a doctor. Even though at the time I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be a mom, I knew that if I did take that route I didn’t want to have to hire a nanny because of my career. But I also knew I wouldn’t want to completely give up my career altogether either- & I figured it would be easier to find part time options as a nurse or an NP.

As it turns out I’ve been a nurse for almost thirteen years now & I no longer have any real interest in becoming an NP- for a variety of reasons- but getting into those is not the point of this post. Furthermore, I’m actually very happy being “just a nurse-” & a part time outpatient nurse at that! All things considered I have a pretty “cushy” nursing job these days & I love it. I still help save lives, I still use my brain- which I have always considered my greatest nursing asset- but I don’t have to work 12 hr shifts, nights, or weekends any more, nor do I have to take call. It allows me much greater flexibility as a mom & even just as a human being. It’s really all I could hope for. And yet…

There is a small part of me that sometimes thinks “What if? What if I’d been a man? What if I could just pick any career & not worry too much about how it would affect my family?”- because a man can always find a woman to take care of family things (or at least men assume they can- & they’re usually right). Perhaps part of this endless speculation is caused by something my first ever boss said to me when I was all of seventeen or eighteen years old. He used to tell me very explicitly that I would not be living up to my full potential if I didn’t become a doctor- an MD. An NP wasn’t good enough- he was very explicit about that. Looking back on it, I know he meant well. I know he meant it as a compliment to my intelligence, but those words have haunted me for almost two decades now. I can’t bring myself to be angry at him for saying that, & yet I also find myself thinking quite often that he must have had no clue how healthcare works. Almost every time I have a situation in which I am the person who says “Hold on, this patient needs escalated care” – aka- every time I help save a life- I think of him, & I wonder if he has any idea how many lives I’ve helped save, as “just a nurse.” (I always say help save because EVERYTHING in healthcare is a team effort. Even the best surgeon in the world doesn’t save lives alone- it’s always a group effort.) Moreover, sometimes I have been the person who says “Hold on, this person is ready to die. Let’s acknowledge that & help them transition peacefully.” Honestly, those situations have meant the most to me in my career. Everyone enjoys the “high” of helping to save a life. But allowing someone to pass from this life peacefully is a whole other ball game that even a lot of people in healthcare aren’t comfortable with. But it’s something I’ve always seen as an honor & a privilege. And I know those patients & their families are so grateful for the care I provided & for my willingness to advocate for them outside of the traditional medical model. So yeah, that man- my former boss- he must have had no clue how absolutely crucial it is have intelligent, observant nurses…

I’m rambling, but I guess I just want to know that I’m not the only woman who feels this way- that is to say that she chose a career that she loves & that better serves her family, yet sometimes she can’t help but wonder “What if?” To be frank, most nurses I know never even considered becoming doctors & many have never had any interest in being NPs either. And that’s fine! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But it means that I can’t exactly talk to them about this kind of stuff & expect to find someone who can actually relate to what I’m saying. Most women in my family were stay at home moms primarily (or entirely), so I’m not so sure they can relate either. Most things in life I feel like I can talk about equally well with men as with women, but this is one of those things that men may be able to commiserate with but they can’t really RELATE to it. They just can’t- just like there are things men experience that I can’t truly relate to either because I haven’t had those experiences. That’s just life.

HAHAHAHA, JUST A JOKE, Y’ALL. I HAVE NEVER FORWARDED THOSE & NEVER WILL.

Let me be clear- I don’t regret the choices I’ve made, I really don’t. But sometimes it’s hard not to feel like life would have been easier as a man. But maybe that’s just human nature talking- after all, don’t we always think the grass is greener on the other side? Don’t we always crave what we don’t or can’t have? It’s pointless I know- a gigantic waste of time to be truly honest- to speculate about things like this that are so completely outside of our control. And yet, sometimes I just can’t stop my mind from wondering. Anyone else on this same strange speculative ship? (That’s a fancy way of saying is anyone else in the same boat? Ha!)

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My Anxiety/OCD Triggers

If you’ve been following this blog for a while or if you know me in real life, then you know that anxiety with obsessive compulsive tendencies is something I have struggled with for a long time- basically my whole life. I say obsessive compulsive tendencies because, thankfully, I don’t have full-blown OCD, but I DO exhibit some obsessive compulsive tendencies in my thinking & thus in my behavior. I had an experience this morning that made me think that a useful exercise might be writing out some of my current anxiety triggers. Not only might this be therapeutic for me but it’s very possible that others could relate- even if not to these exact scenarios.

Because I value transparency, let me say that I have been taking a low dose of generic Prozac for my anxiety for probably six or seven years now. I managed to go off of it for about 6 months in late 2019 & early 2020 but once Covid hit, I realized I needed to go back on it to manage all the extra stress & general madness of living through a worldwide pandemic. It took me a long time to admit to myself that needing medication to assist with my anxiety management was not a weakness any more than needing medication for high blood pressure or lupus or any other medical condition. Of course I always believed that for everyone ELSE- but getting myself to believe it for ME? That was a whole other story- being the perfectionist that I am. In any case, I have gotten MUCH better at managing my anxiety over the years, not just thanks to medication, though I do think that has been very useful with taking some of the “edge off” so that I can actually focus on other non-medication based strategies with a clearer brain. But it’s definitely still a daily struggle with some days being better than others.

Anyway, this post is not strictly meant to be humorous but at the same time I’ll confess that one of my best coping mechanisms has been learning to laugh at myself. Not in a condescending “I’m so stupid” way. But rather in a “Ok, self, this is a bit silly. You’ve handled this kind of thing before. There is no logical reason to be this upset about this now. You’ve got this. Take a deep breath & don’t take everything so seriously” way. If that makes any sense. So, on that note, feel free to laugh along with me if you find some of these things a bit comical. I won’t judge you or hold it against you in any way.

I struggle with anxiety, but I’ve found that this blog is a great way to tame the “anxiety monster.”

Having someone behind me in line while pumping gas. This happened to me at Sheetz this morning. A man pulled up behind me in a pick-up truck as I was just getting out of my car. There was absolutely nothing overtly threatening about this man, but my immediate thoughts were “Oh gosh, I’ve parked a bit too close to the pump. This dude is probably laughing about how ridiculous I look now, trying to get out of my car. He’s probably going to judge every move I make while pumping this silly gas.” Once I got the gas pumping, I stopped that train of thought & told myself “This is ridiculous. Even if he does laugh at you, so what? You have no idea who he is, he has no idea who you are, you’ll never see each other again. What does it MATTER?” After that, I was able to calm down & laugh at myself & move on without further anxiety over the matter. This is what I mean by learning to laugh at myself.

Having my money in order in my wallet. This one is a remnant from being a waitress back in college. That’s been almost 15 years ago but I STILL feel a very urgent compulsion to have my bills in order. What I mean by this is the largest bills have to be on the bottom of the stack & they all have to be facing the same direction (i.e. none upside down or backwards). So on the rare occasions I pay with cash somewhere & the cashier gives me change, I inevitably end up cringing inwardly when the person hands me a bunch of bills all out of order. Because, you see, I then have to correct them before putting them in my wallet- but if there are people behind me in line I HATE holding them up to do this… And yet I also hate putting the bills in my wallet all out of order. It’s a real conundrum, I tell ya! And yes, I am laughing at myself as I type this because I fully realize how ridiculous this must sound to the average person.
Having my documentation in order as a nurse. Y’all, this is one reason I do not miss inpatient nursing. Because anyone who has worked inpatient nursing knows that documentation is wildly important & also wildly difficult to get done in a timely manner. I am one of those weird nurses who actually enjoys documentation, perhaps because I am acutely aware of how truly important it can be, but also perhaps because I enjoy writing. In any case, it can cause me tremendous anxiety if I get too far behind on my charting. I HATE that feeling of knowing I’ve done something but it hasn’t yet been documented. I guess it was drilled into my head enough times that “If it’s not documented, then it wasn’t done” that until something is documented, I don’t feel like my task is truly complete. This is one reason I’ve been reluctant to go back to school to become an NP, which was my original career goal, because providers of all disciplines (i.e. doctors, NPs, PAs) all struggle so much with timely documentation. I just know I would be the kind of provider who couldn’t relax after work until all my notes were done, & I also know that it’s very rare that one can finish them all on the same day…. Soooooo… Yeah, I’d probably just be permanently anxious as hell! Just another reason why I’m pretty content to be “just a nurse” for now.
Too much noise. Y’all, this is one reason motherhood is hard for me. Between Rachel hollering constant questions & the dogs barking, I’m pretty sure I’ll be deaf in the not so distant future. I don’t think I realized it at the time but this is another thing I don’t miss about inpatient nursing- all the constant alarms dinging!
Social events that feel forced. I’ve talked about this before but work parties or parties where I only know one or two people are anathema for me. Just look up the song We Don’t Have to Dance by Andy Black. It’s an anthem for every introvert with social anxiety. I’m great at one on one or very small group discussions. But networking type events where you have to talk to a bunch of people, usually only for a few minutes & about mundane topics that feel forced? Ugh. The WORST! Thank goodness I’m in a career field where such things aren’t really an issue.

http://www.themiraclejournal.com/2012/06/03/the-reunion-vs-social-anxiety/

Having unread texts, messages, or emails. Ohhh man, what I wouldn’t give to be a type B person who doesn’t care that their inbox is overloaded! But it’s just not in my nature to ever be that way. Nope, I have to read everything quickly & usually feel compelled to respond quickly too. Otherwise I end up with that “unfinished business” feeling that I mentioned earlier with documentation at work. This is one of many reasons I refuse to get any new social media accounts such as Twitter, Snapchat, or Tik Tok. Not only do not I find those apps of any particular interest but I also don’t need any more notifications pouring in to my phone. No thanks.

If you don’t struggle with anxiety &/or if you aren’t plagued by obsessive compulsive tendencies, this post may have read like a real laugh riot. Or you may be tempted to say that I’m clearly crazy & in need of serious help. While that may be a fair assessment, remember that my anxious, obsessive compulsive tendencies also make me a fantastic nurse. You better believe I monitor my patients’ vital signs & labs like a hawk. You better believe I obsess over dating my PICC line/IV dressings. You better believe I notify providers of even subtle changes that I know might be important. You get the drift.

Outside of nursing, I like to think some of these tendencies are useful as well- as a wife, mom, & friend, etc. We all face challenges in life, & I think, as with anything, there are pros & cons to this type of mindset. The key- at least for me- is being cognizant of my triggers so that I can better manage them when they happen. Trust me when I say that’s a work in progress!

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An Ode to Mediocrity- Or Is It?

If you know me, you know that I have always been, & likely will always be, a perfectionist at heart. An over-achiever. A bit OCD, if you will, but not to the point of having the TRUE disorder. So it should come as no surprise to hear that I got into nursing with the goal of becoming a Nurse Practitioner. I saw it as the cheaper way to become a doctor (or rather something similar enough to a doctor) since I had a full scholarship to nursing school. And I had no problem working as an RN for several years in order to get there. Initially I thought “Ok, I’ll do 3-5 years as a bedside hospital nurse & then I’ll go back to school.” Well, five years went by & the unthinkable happened: I decided to become a mom! If you’ve been reading my blog for a while you know that for many years I said I never wanted children. But somewhere around age 25 or 26 I changed my mind. Believe me when I say it wasn’t a flippant decision either. It was something that happened gradually & that I put a monumental amount of thought into- if anything TOO much thought, as I am often known to over-analyze things.

Anyway, around that same time in my life, I realized that becoming an NP just didn’t interest me that much anymore. It’s not that I didn’t/don’t think I was/am smart enough to do it- I had/have no doubt in my mind I could do it if I wanted to. Many doctors & NPs I’ve worked with over the years have told me I’d be a great NP, just as they’ve also told me I’d be a great ICU nurse- but I’ve never wanted that either, for a variety of reasons. The simple truth is I realized being an NP just wasn’t what I WANTED anymore. Now, five years later, I feel even more strongly about this issue. The longer I’ve been a nurse, the more I realize that I don’t agree with certain things that the medical system teaches/does, so being an NP would put me in way too many ethical dilemmas that I don’t want to have to face. Furthermore, as a mom of a small child, I don’t want to take call overnight & on weekends. I don’t want to come home & have a mountain of charting to do. Simply put, I don’t want a job that follows me home & dominates my life 24/7. I had enough of that experience when I briefly did nursing management & I realized that life it is NOT for me. Or at least it isn’t at this stage in my life. Obviously I can’t predict how I may feel in ten or twenty years, just as I didn’t predict I’d eventually want to become a mom (ok, deep down, I knew I’d probably change my mind on that but I fought against it for a long time, believe me).

I know plenty of women my age (& younger) who have gone back to school when they have young children, but I for one cannot even begin to fathom the stress of doing that on top of having a young child. Maybe I just find motherhood more stressful than some women do. Or maybe I just value my own happiness too much. But if there is one thing I’ve learned in a decade of nursing it’s that life is way too short to be anything but happy as much of the time as we can. As someone who struggles with anxiety & depression & OCD tendencies, the last thing I need is to overload my life with too many things going on at once. I’m in awe of those who are able to do it & seem to not just survive but actually thrive. But I know my limits. And I’m not pushing them. Plus, if nothing else, there is no age limit on when I can go back to school if I do decide to pursue that path someday. It’s not like you can’t get a master’s degree in your 40s or 50s (or older)! On the other hand, my daughter will NOT be young forever. Someday she will need me a lot less than she does now. Trust me when I say that I look forward to that more than maybe I should some days. But at the same time I refuse to give up time with her now when I know she is still very much in her formative years. To be clear, I’m not judging anyone who chooses a different path than I have. We all have different personalities & needs, as do our kids- this is just what I’ve found makes sense for ME.

As much as I love nursing, some days I actually dream about becoming a high school English (or maybe even history) teacher. I would love the chance to grapple deep subjects with young minds. But as with being an NP, there are so many things I disagree with about the modern education system. The idea of doing lesson plans makes me cringe. The idea of enforcing dress codes makes me cringe. Furthermore, I’d probably get fired for choosing books almost entirely from the various banned books lists (keep in mind the Bible is on many of those lists so it’s not as narrow of a range of books as you may think). Not to mention there is the sad fact that I’d be making considerably less money as a teacher than I do as a nurse (even working part time). And I’m not going to lie, I don’t want to take a pay cut, especially since I’d have to pay to go back to school to pursue such a career.

What I’m getting at here is that I so often find myself as odds with “the system.” I’m a great rule follower when it comes to following protocols for things like starting an IV, inserting a foley catheter, taking a BP, etc. That kind of stuff is very evidence-based, very tangible. But there are other part of our medical system that are not so evidence-based, in my opinion, but are still done because they benefit the system itself (or the various pharmaceutical companies) or they’re just “the way it’s always been done.” Anyway, on a similar token, if I were a teacher I think I’d be great at getting kids to have in depth discussions about serious life matters. But I’d probably be horrible at some of the more practical aspects of teaching, like lesson plans & grading homework.

I guess what I’m saying is there are so many things in life I think I could accomplish, but there are so many hoops I’d have to jump through, so much unnecessary red tape to battle, that I find myself for once in my life being satisfied with what some might call mediocrity. Being a part time outpatient nurse, partly because the schedule is beneficial to my husband’s career (meaning I’m more available for our daughter when he sometimes isn’t), is certainly something I would have called mediocre a decade ago. But you know what? I’m happy! I don’t mean I never feel sad or disappointed or scared or anxious. Trust me, in truth I’m naturally a bit of a melancholy person. But overall, I am very content with my life. And if that means having a bit more of a traditional role than perhaps I envisioned for myself, so be it. After all, it’s not like I’m stuck at home all day every day. It’s not like I do all the housework while my husband does none. No way! I could never stand for that, as I mentioned in my last blog post. The way I see it is I get the best of both worlds & if that means I’ve settled for mediocrity, for once in my life, I am content with that.

I’m not really sure what the point of all this was, other than to settle my own overly analytic brain. But that’s a point in & of itself, is it not? Anyway, if your life hasn’t turned out quite the way you imagined, if you’ve made different choices than you thought you would, even done things you said you’d never do, just know that you’re not alone. And as long as you’re happy with your choices, the rest of the world doesn’t matter. After all- no one else’s opinion is paying your bills or raising your children. No one else has to sleep with your conscience at night.

In conclusion, I never thought my life would lead me where it has now. Actually, maybe that’s being a bit more dramatic than is strictly necessary. But the point is, my life hasn’t followed the trajectory I would have predicted years ago, nor the trajectory many folks who knew me as a child or teenager might have predicted. But I am happy where I am, & I’m learning that the destination truly isn’t half as important as the journey along the way. I don’t say that to make excuses for bad decisions either. I say that because I’ve realized that it’s ok to change your goals, it’s ok to be something or someone different than you were in the past or than you pictured yourself becoming. If something you once thought would be mediocre (or even lame) makes you happy now, embrace it. True mediocrity, in my opinion, is refusing to be flexible, refusing to adapt to the stages of life. True mediocrity is not doing whatever makes you happiest & most fulfilled.

And based on that definition, I don’t think my life is mediocre at all.

And you never know- maybe I’ll run a book club someday & that will fulfill my fantasy of being an English/literature teacher without having to deal with “the system” & all the red tape it entails!

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Screw the Rat Race

Everywhere I look lately I feel like I see & hear people praising the idea of being busy. “Oh, she has such a busy life but she still does xyz.” “How have you been?” “Oh, just so busy, you know!” And it’s true: real life IS busy. Yet part of me can’t help but wonder if all this busyness (is that a word?) is worth the stress it so often causes us. I can’t help but feel like maybe we are missing out on the simple pleasures of life in our constant quest to always be DOING something. I worry that our children are kept so busy with school & extracurricular activities that they’re missing out on the beauty of being children who don’t NEED to be busy all the time. What it comes down to is I fear that many of us are so busy making a living (& I don’t mean just working) that we forget to make a LIFE.

I’ve learned a lot over the past almost eight years of being a nurse. But the most important thing I’ve learned is this- & it’s really quite simple: Life is short- way too short to be anything but happy as much as we can. What I’m getting at is people don’t get to the end of their lives, whenever that may be, & think “Gosh, I really wish I had been busier.” People often wish they had traveled more, spent more time with family & friends, or just experienced more things. But they don’t usually wish they had worked more or generally been BUSY all the time. busy

Now if you know me, you know I am by no means lazy. I’ve always been a hard worker at everything in my life, but that being said the older I get the more I value my “down time,” the more I realize the power & necessity of not always being busy rushing from one thing to another. For our own emotional/mental well-being I think it is truly vital for all of us to have some time to just unwind & feed our souls. For me that means making sure I have time to listen to music, play my flute/piano, read books, etc. For others it might mean something else entirely & that’s ok. As an introvert I truly value my alone time & now realize it is absolutely vital for my sanity. And furthermore I realize it is not selfish or lazy to make that a priority in my life. self care

As some of you may know, in addition to being a nurse, I am also a Rodan + Fields skincare consultant. I am about as a far as possible from a natural saleswoman but I truly love these products & what they’ve done for my skin. Therefore I do enjoy sharing them with others & of course making a little extra money in the process. But could I do a lot more with this business than I do? Absolutely. I could do what I’m “supposed” to do & message everyone on my friends list about the company. I could carve out time in my day to constantly try to drum up sales. But the truth of the matter is I just don’t have the mental energy for all that. I’d either have to take time away from my family, stay up late or get up extra early, or take time away from my own self-care activities in my already limited alone time. And frankly I’m not willing to do any of those things. Obviously it would be a completely different story if I were truly strapped for cash & desperate for any extra income I could generate. But thankfully I’m not. To be clear, I don’t look down on anyone who works their R+F business (or any other direct sales gig) like a real business. In fact I greatly admire them. But it’s just not for me, at least not at this point in my life. I need all the mental energy I can muster to care for my toddler & stay on track at work & home. So if I don’t make as much money with my side gig as some others, that’s ok with me. My sanity is more important in the end.

On a different note, I’ve been haunted lately by some words that were spoken to me many years ago when I was a teenager. My boss at my first job told me more than once in no uncertain terms that I would never live up to my full potential in life if I didn’t become a doctor. I’m sure he meant well but for many years those words hung over my head as I wondered if I was “wasting” my potential by being “just a nurse.” But a full scholarship to nursing school was a hard thing to turn down . . . Plus I always planned to work just a few years as a bedside nurse & then go back to school to become an FNP which I always figured was just as good as being a doctor in my mind.

Despite the challenges & frustrations of my career, I’m still glad I chose nursing over med school.

Well, here I am almost eight years out of nursing school, & the last thing I want to do right now is go back to school. I graduated nursing school with a 4.0 GPA & I always thought I’d be one of the first ones from my class to go to grad school. Yet I’ve seen many of my classmates go back to school, some of whom did not have the grades I did, meanwhile the thought of going back to school right now just makes me feel sick. Sometimes it’s hard to see other advancing their careers while I remain “just a nurse,” but for me the extra stress & time away from my family wouldn’t be worth it right now. In ten or fifteen years I may well change my mind. But I work with NPs & I see the workload they carry home with them & the time it costs them away from their families. And I simply don’t want that right now. To be honest the longer I’ve been “just an RN,” the longer I am thankful to be “just an RN.” And honestly, especially with the vulnerable population I serve, patients today need the smartest RNs possible. As a nursing friend & I were discussing over dinner last night, just because you’re smart enough to do something, doesn’t mean you have to do it or that you should do it. I have no doubt that I am smart enough to be an NP but I also have no doubt that it isn’t the right path for me right now. And that’s ok. My yardstick for success isn’t the same as everyone else’s. And that’s ok too. sucess

The point of is this post isn’t to discourage people from going back to school or advancing their careers. My point is simply that we need to ask ourselves what price we are paying for all of the busyness to which we so often commit ourselves. If it isn’t costing you your mental health or time away from loved ones, then that’s great. But if it IS costing you those things (& I suspect it is for many of us), I challenge you take a step back. Stop & smell the roses a bit. Consider what will be important to you when you reach the end of your life. Remember that being busy isn’t a worthwhile goal in & of itself. Being happy & mentally fulfilled is far more important. Remember that success has different definitions for each of us- & that’s ok. We aren’t all on the same path so there is no need to endlessly compare ourselves to others. walk two moons quote

I’ll end this post by sharing one of my favorite quotes from one of my all time favorite books, Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech. “In the course of a lifetime, what does it matter?” I think about this phrase often & it helps me not to stress as much about everyday worries & fears while it also helps me to focus on the things that really DO matter in the course of a lifetime. I challenge you to do the same.

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You Might Be a Nurse If . . .

I’ve done a similar post before, but I think this theme deserves to be revisited.

You might be a nurse (or other healthcare member) if . . .

You’re watching Sunday night football & every time you see the SNF logo, you think skilled nursing facility.
Being sick SUCKS because you always think of every worst case scenario known to mankind . . . because that’s how you have to think when you take care of other people for a living.
You have absolutely no conception of what constitutes normal meal-time conversation . . . You mean sex & gross stories about all manner of bodily fluids & pooping aren’t normal dinner table topics? Oops.
You read a friend’s post that starts off or ends with PTL & you wonder why they’re talking about pre-term labor.
Or you read PSA somewhere & your first thought is prostate specific antigen.
You casually refer to medications by their classifications (such as NSAIDs, SSRIs, or PPIs) without realizing that the average person has no idea what you’re talking about. Sorry, guys.
You want to roll your eyes every time someone asks you what you’re doing for the holidays because the answer is almost always “working.”
You swear you can hear IV pumps beeping or telemetry alarms sounding in your sleep.
You’ve walked in on someone masturbating & that person wasn’t a relative or roommate . . . Yep, this happens way more often than you might think.
You’ve discovered that seemingly frail elderly men (& women) can actually be very strong . . . & many of them really enjoy being nude . . .
Random people whom you haven’t really talked to in years message you to ask for health advice, sometimes about really private matters . . . But you don’t mind because in some strange way you feel honored that these folks trust you so much.
You want to (or actually do) scream at the TV every time you see people on medical shows shocking patients in asystole! No!!
You’ve bought “old lady” compression hose at the pharmacy because you’re trying to prevent those unsightly varicose veins you have the pleasure of seeing all the time.
You’ve come back to work only to find that a patient you cared for a few days ago is now on isolation . . . Ughhhh.
You’ve ever had to remind yourself that you don’t have to measure your OWN (or your pet’s) I&O (that’s intake & output).
Every time you hear 9-5’ers complaining about traffic, you can’t help but smile to yourself & think “you poor miserable chumps.”
On the other hand whenever someone says to you “Oh, it must be so easy to only work 3 days a week,” you kind of want to strangle them because they clearly have no idea how difficult those 3 days are. (That being said, I do love working only 3 days a week, & you definitely won’t see me looking for a 9-5 job any time soon, if ever.)
You have a list of doctors & nurses you never want to take care of you if/when you’re ever hospitalized . . . & another list of those you absolutely DO want to take care of you.
You’ve ever felt like a juggler, a waitress (or waiter), a baby-sitter, & a scribe . . . all within the first hour of your shift.

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Why Nurses Cry: Musings on the Loss of a Patient

Recently I found out that two of my former patients died. Yes, like many other nurses, I scan the local obituaries every so often looking for names I recognize. I don’t know why I do this because it inevitably leads to a few tears if I see the name of a patient I really liked, & this happens a lot more often than you might think. But in an odd way I think reading these obituaries also brings me a bit of closure because it allows me to know that a person whose suffering I witnessed first-hand is now freed from their earthly turmoil.

This situation definitely left me with a few tears in my eyes even though realistically I know that death was the best option for both of these patients. I know most people view death as the enemy, but one thing I learned very early in my nursing career is that death is NOT always the enemy. When people are suffering the way these folks were, death can actually be quite the opposite. And what pains me more than anything is when patients are not able to experience a dignified death that is as peaceful & painless as possible. Things are slowly improving but unfortunately hospice & palliative care services are still very under-utilized in our society. (As some of you may know, I actually volunteer with a local hospice group because I feel so strongly about the importance of hospice.)

Anyhow, all of this got me to thinking about the many times I have cried as a nurse, both on the job & at home when thinking about my patients after work. It happens less frequently than it used to because I’ve learned to develop more of a “shell” to help protect me . . . This doesn’t mean I’ve become hard-hearted & insensitive (someone please tell me the day I do so I can turn in my badge). But as a nurse I’ve had to learn to balance my own mental sanity with showing compassion towards my patients & their families. Throughout my life I’ve often been told I’m “sensitive” & that I “wear my heart on my sleeve” (who comes up with these expressions?!), & while I certainly hope to never lose that side of me, I’ve had to learn to “buck up” & withstand a lot of things that I probably couldn’t have faced years ago.

At this point in my career, I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve seen someone die. I’ve lost count of the number of dead bodies I’ve touched & cleaned up to send to the funeral home. Since I’m not an ED or ICU nurse I don’t see a whole lot of codes but even so I’ve still lost track of the number of codes I’ve assisted with. And I could probably write a whole book about the number of times I’ve helped prevent a code from happening, for example by recognizing that a patient was dangerously hypoglycemic & giving them D50 (sugar water) in their IV to raise their blood sugar or by recognizing that a patient was in pulmonary edema & needed IV Lasix STAT to pull the fluid off of their lungs, just to name a few . . . Notice a pattern here? Nurses really do save lives, y’all. Doctors are great & I have a huge appreciation & respect for the work they do. But seriously, until you’re a nurse you have no idea how important nurses are. There is a reason we are called the backbone of the healthcare industry. We as nurses are the ones watching your lab values, your vital signs, your telemetry (heart monitor), your I&O (fluid intake & output), & your mental status (among other things) like a hawk. More often than not we are the ones recommending/telling the doctors what needs to be done . . . Again, I am not trying to take away from the important work that doctors do. I’m just saying that one of the biggest reasons I do not regret choosing nursing school over medical school is that I see on a daily basis just how big of a difference I really make.

Whew, that was a tangent that I wasn’t intending to go on, but, hey, it happens sometimes. Anyway, when I see that one of my former patients has died (or when a patient dies under my care), there is always a small part of me that feels like all of our hard work to save them has been in vain. Realistically I know that most of these patients are coming in with so many different medical comorbidities that the chances of them surviving, or at least surviving with any real quality of life (which is after all the more important factor), are low. But every once in a while I find myself thinking “Gosh, so much of what I do is just keeping people alive for a few more days, weeks, or months, usually with a great deal of suffering involved, until they inevitably die.”

But then I remember that maybe in those last few days or weeks or months they might have gotten to see their grandson who lives all the way across the country for one last time. Or maybe they got to witness another grandchild get married or graduate from college. Or maybe they just had enough time to adequately say good-bye to all of their loves ones (as best as possible) & vice versa. And maybe in the midst of all off their suffering, pain, & fears I was able to provide a calming presence, a small balm to ease their wounds. Or maybe I was able to help their family understand their loved one’s disease process & how to prepare for their loved one’s death.

All of this brings me to the main point of this post. As long as I’m a nurse, my sincerest desire is that I never lose that sensitive soul, that compassionate drive which inspires me to do my best for my patients. I know at times I am not able to grieve for my patients the way I want & need to because I just have to keep on moving to take care of the rest of my patients. And I know at times I may seem hardened or callous because I don’t cry every time a patient dies or receives a bad diagnosis or because I laugh at things that non-nurses would find revolting. But as I said, as nurses we do have to harden ourselves a little bit so that we can make it through our shifts. Trust me, it’s a fine line, a very fine line, we walk trying to maintain our own sanity while still providing truly compassionate care to the patients & their families entrusted to us.

My challenge to myself & to anyone who’s reading this who is also a nurse (or any kind of healthcare worker) is this: next time you’re caring for a patient, particularly if they are “challenging” or “difficult” for whatever reason, take a moment to consider that there is probably a higher chance than you’d like to admit that the time you’re spending with this patient might be some of their last days on Earth. With that in mind, may we all strive to be the best advocates we can be for our patients & to provide the most compassionate care we can, knowing ours could be the last voice they ever hear, our hand the last they ever hold on this planet.

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No Such Thing as Too Smart to Be Just a Nurse

This post is for all the people who’ve ever told me (or other nurses) that I’m “too smart to be ‘just’ a nurse.” There are a lot more of these people than you might think! In some twisted way I guess some people think this is a compliment. (Newsflash: it’s not! It’s actually quite insulting.) Obviously the people who say such things have no idea why it’s so incredibly important to have a very intelligent nurse. So let me educate you as to why if you or your loved one are ever sick, you better hope against hope that your nurse is every bit as intelligent as your doctor:

Because I’m the one who called the doctor to tell him that your sodium was rising rapidly & thus we needed to stop the hypertonic saline drip you were on & change it to regular saline. And I did this because I have the smarts to know that no matter how critically low your sodium was initially we can’t replace it too quickly or we can cause serious brain damage.

Because I’m the one who noticed that your creatinine, an indicator of kidney function, was off the charts & realized that, with your history of diabetes combined with your current dehydrated state, this was a serious problem that needed to be addressed immediately. So I’m the one who called the doctor & made sure you had IV fluids ordered & a nephrology consult to further explore your renal failure. I don’t want to know how much worse your kidneys could have been damaged if I’d just assumed the admitting doctor was aware of the problem & waited till the next doctor happened to look at your chart the next day.

Yes, we nurses know what all of this means.

Because I’m the one who noticed you were lethargic & slow to respond to my questions, so I checked your blood sugar, found it was dangerously low, & corrected it so that you didn’t end up in a hypoglycemic-induced coma . . . or dead.

Because I’m the one who begged for a palliative care consult because it was obvious to me that your mother was dying & furthermore that she was READY to die, & I wanted her to have the peaceful death she deserved.

Because I’m the one who noticed you were on a boat-load of narcotics but didn’t have a stool softener or laxative ordered, so I called the doctor to remedy this situation because I didn’t want you to develop severe constipation or worse yet a post-op ileus due to such a “simple” oversight.

Because I’m the one who recognized your mother was having a massive heart attack & demanded the doctor come to see her, even though it was the middle of the night & he had to come in from home, so that I could ensure she was transferred to the ICU where she could receive all the care she so desperately needed.

We nurses know what this means too (bad heart attack!!).

Because I’m the one who reminded the doctor to discontinue your blood thinner the night before your heart cath so you wouldn’t bleed out during the procedure the next day.

Because I’m the one who reminded the doctor to order a physical therapy consult so your dad could improve his strength & mobility prior to being discharged home with you.

Because I’m the one who noticed all of your morning lab results were a bit questionable, so I demanded that the lab re-draw them to ensure accuracy. (And thankfully for your sake the first set was wrong.)

Because I’m the one who noticed your mother’s urine was cloudy & foul-smelling so I made sure she had a urine sample sent & antibiotics started to treat her UTI before she became even sicker than she already was.

Because I’m the one who reminded the doctor that certain medications like Ambien (a commonly prescribed sleeping pill) are really bad for elderly people, so I asked her to order something milder like Remeron instead.

This isn’t totally a joke. Ambien can be very bad for elderly people, but not all doctors realize or remember that, which is why it’s important to have a smart nurse to remind them!

Because I’m the one who noticed that your blood sugar was low on your morning labs (but not so low that lab called it to me as a critical result), so I rechecked it & found it to be even lower, dangerously low in fact. I corrected this by giving you D50, basically sugar water, in your IV. But I shudder to think what might have happened if I’d overlooked that low blood sugar on your morning labs.

Because I’m the one who noticed that your dad was having trouble breathing & decreased urine output, so I called the doctor & ensured he had a STAT chest x-ray done & some Lasix given because I realized he was probably going into acute heart failure . . . & that couldn’t wait till the doctor rounded the next day.

Because when the doctor tried to explain what was going on with your body & you didn’t understand a word of it, I’m the one who translated the words into plain English & helped you understand your condition so you would be less frightened. This is because I have the intelligence to understand your medical condition but also the ability to translate that into simple terms that anyone can understand.

Because I’m the one who noticed that your blood pressure was low &, knowing this could affect your body’s ability to perfuse all of your vital organs, I made sure the doctor ordered a fluid bolus to help increase your blood pressure. But I also closely monitored your urine output & your respiratory status to make sure we weren’t overloading you with fluid & risking sending you into heart failure.

In case you’re wondering, these are all scenarios I have truly encountered as a nurse. And these are just a small fraction of the things I & my fellow nurses do on a daily basis to help provide excellent care to our patients & their loved ones.

If it isn’t apparent to you yet, let me just explain that, especially at night, there is no guarantee when a doctor will next see you or even look at your medical record. Not to mention if you’re lucky doctors spend maybe 30 minutes a day with you, whereas nurses are with you for hours & hours each day, so inevitably we know you much better. This is why it’s so incredibly important to have a very intelligent nurse because we’re the ones who are meticulously following your vital signs & lab results & keeping the doctors up to date on your condition so that nothing important is missed. We’re the ones double-checking all your orders & making sure they make sense & that nothing has been overlooked. I say none of this to make doctors look bad or appear incapable; I just realize that patient safety is every bit as dependent on intelligent nurses as it is on intelligent doctors. Once you realize this too, I sincerely hope you will never again tell me (or anyone else) that I am “too smart to be ‘just’ a nurse.”

Despite the challenges & frustrations of my career, I’m still glad I chose nursing over med school.

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Inside the Nurse Mind: 16 Ways We Think Differently Than Everyone Else

I remember many of my professors in nursing school encouraging us to “Think like a nurse” & describing to us how differently our minds would process certain information in just a few short years thanks to our nursing experience. At the time, I (& probably most of my fellow students) couldn’t quite picture exactly what they had in mind, but after just a year or so of nursing I knew exactly what those professors meant. Nurses really do think differently than the average person (& differently than how we thought before we became nurses). As many have said before me, this is truly a profession that changes you! In light of that, as I was taking a shower the other day I thought it might be fun to create a list of some of the many ways nurses think differently than everyone else. So here it is!

Our standard for what makes up a good day can be pretty bizarre. See the picture above. It’s not a joke.
Nurses can collect a stool sample or clean up blood & other bodily fluids, then wash our hands & go eat lunch without a second thought.
Along that same vein (there’s a nurse-y phrase!), there is no topic of conversation that nurses deem inappropriate . . . even at the dinner table.
Once you’ve been a nurse for a while, you’ll find yourself constantly evaluating various scenarios for fall risks. See a puddle on the floor in a public restroom or some other situation that might pose a risk of falling, particularly for an elderly or frail person? As a nurse you can no longer ignore these things. And even if you’re someone like me who hates to be a complaining customer, as a nurse you’ll find yourself compelled to speak to a manager or someone who can be sure to alleviate the situation & decrease the risk of someone falling (& maybe becoming one of your patients!).
On a similar topic, I know there have been multiple occasions over the past few years when I have notified a restaurant or other business that the water in their bathroom was dangerously hot & could potentially burn someone, especially someone like a diabetic with decreased nerve sensation. I know this is something I would never have thought to actually report before I became a nurse.
As a nurse there are days when you’re really grateful to have a stuffy nose & thus no sense of smell.
As a disclaimer, I do NOT condone smoking. I just thought this was a funny cartoon.
When you read the weather report & see that the temperature overnight is going to be zero degrees with a wind-chill of negative 20, your first thought is “I wonder how many homeless people will be in the ER with “chest pain” tonight?” And your second thought is “I can’t blame them for coming in & I wish we could give them all beds & a warm place to sleep without taking time away from those who are truly sick.”
Medical TV shows have been ruined for nurses because we can’t watch them without screaming at the TV every time we see an error (which is often . . . Asystole can’t be shocked, people!!) or every time we realize how completely untrue to real life these shows are. (Doctors don’t start IVs or give medications or perform MRIs & CT scans. Nurses & various techs do those things! And in real life, nurses & doctors don’t have time to have sex in the elevator or the linen closet, at least anywhere I’ve ever worked. I could go on & on but I’ll stop for fear of boring you.)
“Scrubs” is the only medical TV show I can watch now that I’m a nurse because it’s just plain funny & frankly more realistic than “House” or “Grey’s Anatomy.”
Nurses (& other medical personnel) view the holidays differently than almost everyone else. We might be excited for holiday events, but usually we know we will have to miss them or at least plan our family’s celebrations around our own work schedule.
On a similar topic, as much as I love snow, I must admit I view it a bit differently now that I’m a nurse. After all, there’s no such thing as a snow day at home when you’re in the healthcare field.
This is probably slightly off-topic, but only nurses can know the frustration of not having the authority to give your patient a Tylenol or a cough drop without a doctor’s order, yet having the responsibility to know exactly when & what to notify the doctor about at any hour of the day or night, not to mention coordinating care between all the various disciplines of healthcare (RT, PT, OT, ST, lab, social work, doctors, family members, etc) who all expect us to be the expert on every patient we have.
Nurses obsess over I&O (intake & output; in other words how much you drink & how much you pee) like most people obsess over sports statistics . . . Ok, that might be a slight exaggeration, but as a nurse I know I sometimes have to remind myself that I don’t have to measure my own I&O. That is NOT an exaggeration!
Nurses know that sweet old ladies & kindly old gentlemen can be exactly that during the day time . . . But once the sun goes down, you never know what “personality” will come out! (In case you’re wondering, this is the “sun-downer’s” phenomenon associated with Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia as well as the even more serious condition called delirium that often sets in during hospitalizations.)
As nurses, thinking about starting our own families can be incredibly scary because all we can think about is all the things we know can go wrong during pregnancy & delivery. (Maybe this isn’t true for everyone, but it’s definitely true for me.)
Really big “juicy” veins are like porn for nurses. Trust me.
I’m sure a lot of teachers, police officers, & various people in other professions also feel this way about their chosen field, but as nurses we know that despite the millions of things about healthcare that drive us crazy, there is nothing else we’d rather be doing.

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Murphy’s Law of Nursing

This post is meant to be entirely humorous & should not be taken to mean I hate my job. Anyone who has been a nurse for more than a few weeks or months will smile & nod because you know these are all so true.

1. If you run out of alcohol swabs, saline flushes, tape, or any such thing it will always be while fully garbed in an isolation room.

2. If you bring more than one IV start kit, you will get it on the first try. If you bring only one IV start kit, you’ll miss it & have to go back for more supplies.

3. Insulin drips, PD (peritoneal dialysis), & other such patients who require a reduced nurse to patient ratio will always come in 2’s & 3’s which will invariably screw with staffing.

4. Management’s idea of fully staffed will always mean no one ever takes vacation, gets sick or injured, requires surgery, has a family emergency, has a baby, or calls out due to fatigue & exhaustion.

5. The patients who are the sickest &/or in the most pain are often the least vocal about it, sometimes because they are truly too sick to waste energy complaining & sometimes because they “just don’t want to bother you.” On the other hand, the least sick patients are often the ones with the longest list of demands, many of which are far from reasonable.

6. The most popular time to admit or transfer a patient will always be at the very beginning or end of the shift. And they will always come in 2’s & 3’s & 4’s.

7. The doctors who are the most difficult to get up with in the middle of the night will always be the ones who never order any prn meds or anything that would help save you from having to wake them up at 0300.

8. The patients whose family members are really close to them & truly take good care of them are often the most reasonable & even downright helpful to the nurses. On the other hand, the patients whose family has ignored them or cared for them poorly will often be the most rude, demanding, & generally impossible to deal with. A lot of this probably stems from guilt & embarrassment of course, but it’s nonetheless a frustrating paradox to observe someone who has clearly ignored their sick mother for a decade suddenly watch you like a hawk & quite literally TRY to find a problem with every single thing you do.

9. If you need to perform a STAT glucose check, that will be the exact moment that the glucometer needs to be QC’d.

10. The patient who needs 3 different IV antibiotics, blood transfusions, IVF, & Dilaudid/Phenergan on a regular basis will be an impossible IV stick.

If you’re a nurse or anything medical, feel free to comment & share your own Murphy’s Law stories. I’m sure there are tons more. We really do have the best job in the world, but we have to be able to laugh at the absurdity of it all or we won’t survive.

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10 Reasons Why Night Shift Rocks

Today is a special day for me because it marks three years that I’ve been working as an RN. It is simply amazing to think of all of the things I’ve learned & experienced in just three years. It feels like just yesterday I was that super-anxious new grad nurse, so excited to learn but so afraid to try so many new things. Now I’m a charge nurse & preceptor; my, how things have changed!!

Three years ago I was also absolutely PETRIFIED to start night shift. I was sure I’d never sleep again & that my whole life was basically ending. I didn’t fall in love with night shift immediately, though I never hated it as much as I thought I would. After six months or so at my first nursing job, I started rotating shifts so I could experience day shift as well & eventually went to straight day shifts. However, when we moved to NC two summers ago, night shift was all that was available so I took it. At first I told my manager I wanted to switch to day shift ASAP but after a while I changed my mind. I found that the night shift routine had grown on me & for right now I’m not even thinking about going “back” to day shift any time soon. With all of the negative things associated with night shift, I thought it would be fun to compile a list of all the reasons why night shift is actually AWESOME.

1. This is a generalization for sure, but I have found that IN GENERAL night shift nurses are the most fun to work with because they tend to be more laid-back & relaxed. For someone like me who has her fair share of anxiety issues, it’s great to work with people who are more relaxed because that helps combat my own anxious tendencies. I think part of the reason night shift nurses tend to be more relaxed is because the doctors are not quite as available to us, so we have learned to handle situations on our own. This isn’t to say we don’t keep the doctors informed about what’s going on with our patients. It’s just that we realize that every time our patient has a BP of 180/90 it isn’t the end of the world & if the doctor is busy & doesn’t call us back for an hour or more, it’s ok. If you work day shift, please don’t be offended by what I’m saying here. As I said, this is a GENERALIZATION & it probably has more to do with the way the shift itself flows than the actual people who are working it.

2. For someone like me who is mildly claustrophobic & despises crowds, day shift can be a little challenging because it is a CONSTANT CROWD. A lot of the people who make up this crowd are tremendously helpful & often at nights we wish we had those folks around. If your patient needs to leave the floor for a test any later than say 9:00 p.m., guess whose job it is to take them to the test (& possibly stay there to monitor them, depending on the test): yours! There is no transport at night. No PT/OT to help get the heavy or difficult-to-move patients out of bed. No case manager to call when your patient’s wife is refusing the oxygen that is absolutely vital for him to go home. No wound care nurse to assist with the crazy complicated dressing that you suddenly have to change at midnight when it gets soiled for various & sundry reasons. No IV team to help with the impossible-stick patient who needs two different IV antibiotics, IV fluids, & K/MG replacement. Basically there are a ton of great resources that simply aren’t available at night. This isn’t to say we can’t provide the same level of care. It’s just that as a night shift nurse you’re required to be extremely resourceful & figure out a lot of things yourself. The upside though is that for someone like me who gets anxious in crowds, it’s really nice to feel like we “own the hospital” at night. We definitely interact with other depts & certainly with patients’ families, but night shift is just not the same constant crowd, & for a socially anxious person like me, that is wonderful.

3. As I discussed above, night shift has a lot fewer ancillary depts to help the nursing staff which can definitely be challenging at times. However, another upside to this is that night shift nurses of necessity build really great teamwork. It’s not that day shift nurses can’t or don’t help each other. They definitely do. But on nights it’s just the bedside nurses running the show, for the most part. Because we are less distracted by the various other depts constantly coming in & out of the rooms, we are better able to sense who’s struggling & step up to help each other, often without even being asked. Nursing is definitely a team effort & on nights that is especially true. Additionally, having great teamwork I believe builds greater job satisfaction which for me is definitely an added bonus.

4. Financially night shift is clearly the better option. Night shift is hard on the body & mind without a doubt so there’s a reason we get paid more. Of course the trouble is once you get used to that extra money, you don’t want to leave it.

5. You will definitely sacrifice sleep at times, but if you can learn not to sleep all day on your days off (which has never been a problem for me because I am not a night owl by nature), you can have a lot more “free time” to catch up on housework, doctor’s appointments, grocery shopping, & just life in general. When I worked day shift I realized that I was almost as tired as when I worked nights & I felt like I had a lot less time to get things done outside of work. And I was making less money!

6. Because there are fewer ancillary depts going in & out of the rooms & less chance of patients leaving the unit for tests & procedures, it is considerably more likely that you will have time to actually TALK TO YOUR PATIENTS with fewer interruptions on night shift. Trust me, my phone still rings way more than I wish it did & inevitably that seems to happen when I’m starting an IV or having a crucial conversation with a patient, but in general I do feel that I have more time to get to know my patients on night shift. Sometimes this happens at 0200 when they can’t sleep & just need someone to listen to them. I do think night shift nurses are less likely to be remembered by patients (at least our names) because hopefully they do sleep for at least part of our shift, but I also know that being there for a patient in the middle of the night when they are tired, lonely, & afraid can be a truly rewarding experience.

7. It is true that it is very easy to gain weight on night shift. (There have even been research studies showing all of the health dangers of night shift. They’re very depressing so I try not to read them!) I’ll confess that I gained about ten lbs my first year as a nurse, but at last half that time I was working day shift so maybe it wasn’t totally night shift’s fault. Anyway, I managed to lose all the weight & more, & I’ve kept it off for almost two years now, all of which has been while working night shift. The upside to this is that when you do learn to manage your weight on night shift, you will feel like an absolute rock star for proving all the statistics wrong!

8. There is a certain level of constant fatigue that accompanies working night shift. Actually I think it might just accompany being a nurse in general. (Or maybe just being an ADULT!) Anyway, for me that background level of fatigue is actually a good thing because believe it or not, it calms my brain a little bit. I’ve spoken to my therapist about this & she says it’s actually quite logical. For someone like me whose mind is constantly GOING, GOING, GOING like the Energizer Bunny, having a certain level of background fatigue can slow the “wheels” down just enough so that I can actually focus better & function optimally. It sounds totally backwards I know. But I swear it is true for me.

9. As I’ve mentioned previously, there are a lot less people around on nights. One of the positives to this is that night shift nurses can (& do) talk about anything & everything. This leads to some seriously hilarious conversations that are probably not fit to post here. 😉 But trust me when I say we have a lot of fun. Of course nurses of necessity have a very twisted sense of humor so our idea of what is funny is often a bit “off” anyway.

10. As I mentioned at the beginning, I DREADED night shift. I had serious anxiety about it for MONTHS before I even graduated because I knew as a new grad nurse it was inevitable. However, realizing that I can not only handle working nights but actually ENJOY it has brought me a tremendous sense of accomplishment. Furthermore, it has reinforced to me that often the things we dread in life can actually be blessings in disguise. I guess what I’m trying to say is, never say never. I never thought I’d be happy working as a night shift nurse but here I am doing it & loving it. 🙂

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