This is going to be word vomit because I’m having a rough day & I’m trying to bang this out before Rachel wakes up again.
Any other moms have bad mom days? I know y’all must because it can’t just be me. The last week or so has been a bit rough because Rachel is going through a nap transition in which she is slowly working down to one nap a day. The problem is she gets up so early that sometimes she really does need a morning nap AND an afternoon nap- yet some days that afternoon nap just does NOT happen. And that makes for one REALLY fussy toddler- & one really frustrated mama!
People are always telling me how happy & easy Rachel is which of course means at times like this when I’m struggling I constantly find myself thinking “Oh gosh, if this is what an easy toddler is like, how would I survive with a difficult one?” Basically this is the exact same scenario I ran into when she was a newborn. I felt like I was barely keeping my head above the water sometimes, yet people were always clamoring on about how easy she was. So inside I was thinking “I’ll never make it if I have a difficult baby!”
I’m trying to remind myself that all moms struggle & that it’s ok if the baby/toddler phase isn’t my favorite. Trust me, most of the time I really do enjoy Rachel’s current stage. But it’s also really hard for me because babies & toddlers (especially young toddlers like her) do not have the capacity to understand logic & reason. And if you know me at all, you know I am a very logical person . . .
So, as you can imagine, dealing with a person who is not capable of understanding logic & whose behavior is sometimes anything but logical can be quite a challenge. On days like today I find myself feeling so inadequate because I feel like maybe I just wasn’t cut out to be a baby/toddler mom. I feel like I’ll be an awesome mom when Rachel is older but right now I feel like other moms who really love babies & toddlers must be so much better than me. I know that’s ridiculous & I must actually be doing a pretty damn good job or Rachel wouldn’t be so “easy & happy” like everyone tells me. But it’s the way I feel right now.
Then of course I start thinking about all the women I know who’ve struggled (or are still struggling) with infertility or who have had miscarriages. And I feel so guilty for getting frustrated with Rachel when I know I should just be thankful I have her. And trust me, I am very thankful for her! However, that doesn’t mean that some days aren’t hard. But the guilt is real, y’all.
Oh yeah, I also cut my finger while trying to cut a spaghetti squash this afternoon. Thank goodness for a sweet neighbor who was able to come over & watch Rachel for a bit while I cleaned up my finger & got the bleeding to stop. Clumsy-lina strikes again!
Ok, that’s it. Just trying to decompress a bit so I can feel a bit more sane & face the rest of the day with a more peaceful brain.