This post is meant to be entirely humorous & should not be taken to mean I hate my job. Anyone who has been a nurse for more than a few weeks or months will smile & nod because you know these are all so true.
1. If you run out of alcohol swabs, saline flushes, tape, or any such thing it will always be while fully garbed in an isolation room.
2. If you bring more than one IV start kit, you will get it on the first try. If you bring only one IV start kit, you’ll miss it & have to go back for more supplies.
3. Insulin drips, PD (peritoneal dialysis), & other such patients who require a reduced nurse to patient ratio will always come in 2’s & 3’s which will invariably screw with staffing.
4. Management’s idea of fully staffed will always mean no one ever takes vacation, gets sick or injured, requires surgery, has a family emergency, has a baby, or calls out due to fatigue & exhaustion.
5. The patients who are the sickest &/or in the most pain are often the least vocal about it, sometimes because they are truly too sick to waste energy complaining & sometimes because they “just don’t want to bother you.” On the other hand, the least sick patients are often the ones with the longest list of demands, many of which are far from reasonable.
6. The most popular time to admit or transfer a patient will always be at the very beginning or end of the shift. And they will always come in 2’s & 3’s & 4’s.
7. The doctors who are the most difficult to get up with in the middle of the night will always be the ones who never order any prn meds or anything that would help save you from having to wake them up at 0300.
8. The patients whose family members are really close to them & truly take good care of them are often the most reasonable & even downright helpful to the nurses. On the other hand, the patients whose family has ignored them or cared for them poorly will often be the most rude, demanding, & generally impossible to deal with. A lot of this probably stems from guilt & embarrassment of course, but it’s nonetheless a frustrating paradox to observe someone who has clearly ignored their sick mother for a decade suddenly watch you like a hawk & quite literally TRY to find a problem with every single thing you do.
9. If you need to perform a STAT glucose check, that will be the exact moment that the glucometer needs to be QC’d.
10. The patient who needs 3 different IV antibiotics, blood transfusions, IVF, & Dilaudid/Phenergan on a regular basis will be an impossible IV stick.
If you’re a nurse or anything medical, feel free to comment & share your own Murphy’s Law stories. I’m sure there are tons more. We really do have the best job in the world, but we have to be able to laugh at the absurdity of it all or we won’t survive.