I walked into a pizza parlor today & immediately I felt your eyes upon me. As I made my way to the counter to place my order I could feel your stares just as strongly as if they had been your all too grimy hands. And just a few days ago I had a similar experience at another restaurant when I stopped in for breakfast on my way home from work. That time you had me surrounded. Two of you in front of me in line, two of you behind me. Then you found your way to a table & I found your leering eyes upon me every time I looked up from my own table. I left feeling dirty & used even though you never touched me or even spoke to me once.
These are just the two most recent episodes of such behavior that I’ve observed. Sadly these things happen far too often & not just to me & not just in America, but in every tiny town & every major metropolis & every culture in every nation on this planet. I think it’s safe to say that women all over the world will concur with me that such behavior is offensive, intimidating, & simply degrading.
I’d find all this unwanted attention a bit less shocking if I were dressed in clothes that scream “Look at me!” but I never dress like that. Miniskirts, booty shorts, & low-cut tops have never been my style. While I firmly believe both men & women have the right to dress however they choose within context, there is no doubt that our attire does send certain messages about ourselves, whether we realize or want to admit it or not. (When I say within context, I mean that wearing a bikini to work is clearly unacceptable, unless maybe you’re a model.) This is not to say that leering at women who choose to dress in more “provocative” attire is acceptable, but at least it is a bit more logical. In the end though, the burden of responsibility falls on the person who is committing the crime. And in this case that burden falls squarely on the shoulders of you “men” who have probably never stopped to think twice about how your leering at every unfortunate female who crosses your path might make said female feel.
Maybe this situation wouldn’t be so distressing if I had some means of seeking revenge upon you. If I could make you as uncomfortable as you make me with your leers & snarky smiles, I’d be happy to try to turn the tables on you & give you a taste of your own medicine, so to speak. But sadly if I were to leer at you with even half the lust with which you leer at me, you’d probably just be flattered & text your equally sadistic buddies all about it. Let me be clear in saying that I do not buy into the age-old argument that sex is inherently demeaning or degrading to women. Nothing could be further from the truth. But your eyes tell me quite plainly that you view me as nothing more than a sexual object who exists for your pleasure, & this too could be nothing further from the truth. In reality I am a human being with dreams, hopes, goals, aspirations, & yes, even sexual needs & desires, just as you are. But that last bit doesn’t justify your treating me as nothing more than a walking vagina with tits & an ass. Trust me, we females enjoy checking you guys out too, but by & large we don’t view every man who walks by as a piece of meat to feast our eyes upon. And even if we did, we could never threaten & intimidate you the way you can us because biology is pretty simple & we are as a whole not as physically strong as you are.
I know you probably think you’re doing me some kind of favor by paying attention to me, but your twisted logic isn’t fooling anyone but yourself. The only thing you’ve accomplished is making it very obvious that you’re so far below my taste in men as to not even be a blip on my radar (not that I’m looking since I’m married, but that’s beside the point in this scenario). You’re probably not so self-aware as to realize this, but your leers are just a power-play, a way to make you feel stronger when deep down your sense of self is weaker than you’d like to admit. Real men who are confident in themselves & their ability to win an intelligent well-rounded woman don’t need to stroke their ego by intimidating women with lustful stares & winks at their friends.
And just in case any of you guys happen to be smart asses, no, the answer to this predicament is not me staying at home or putting on a burka to go out in public. The answer lies in you learning to have some self-control & self-respect which will then enable you to show respect to others.
End message: We’re all human beings here. Yes, we all have sexual desires & needs but that’s no reason to be disrespectful. Get over yourselves. Get your own act together. And get your dirty eyes off me.
A woman with too much self-respect to put up with your BS any longer
Great post. And so very true….
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Thank you! And, sadly, yes, it is true.