Why We Shouldn’t Believe All Women


In case you haven’t heard there is currently a lawsuit in Pennsylvania regarding a teenage boy who was falsely accused of sexual assault.  Because of the false accusations, he was fired from his job, spent over a week in juvenile detention, was bullied endlessly, & was subjected to home electronic monitoring.  All based on accusations that later turned out to be complete lies!  If that’s not horrifying enough, the five girls who started all this have not been punished at all.  I don’t know about you but that makes me see about a thousand shades of red.  Which is another way of saying it makes me not just angry but downright irate.  If I had a son, I would probably be even more upset because I would be terrified this could happen to him someday.innocent

Here’s the thing that I don’t understand about modern feminism (actually there’s a lot of things I don’t understand about it but this is the main one): why are we so quick to dispense with innocent until proven guilty when a man is accused of something?  Why do we assume that women are inherently moral & truth-telling while men are inherently evil liars?  Why do we think it’s right to “believe all women” simply because they are women?  That’s just as absurd as believing all men simply because they are men, which is how the world used to operate.  There is no justice in turning things upside down to try to make up for history.  That’s just not how civilized society works, folks.constitution

Furthermore why are men held accountable for their actions- sometimes one they didn’t even commit, like in this case- while women frequently are not?  A perfect example is cases where both a man & woman are drunk & the man is charged with rape but the woman isn’t.  That makes no sense to me.  If they were both drunk, neither could truly consent!  So basically they “raped” each other.  It’s called poor choices, people, not actual rape/sexual assault.  If you don’t like that, sorry, I’m not sorry.  Clearly it’s a whole other story if someone spikes your drink or unwittingly gives you drugs & then takes advantage of your intoxicated state.  That is undoubtedly evil & should most definitely be punished.

feminism

I laughed…. but it’s true…

But these girls in Pennsylvania who have lied about sexual assault & ruined a boy’s life are getting off scot free.  That’s absurd!  In my mind that is not only beyond unfair but it is basically saying women aren’t responsible for their own actions- which is essentially saying we are not equal to men before the law!  I don’t know about you, but that does NOT sit well with me at all.  Is that not completely contradictory to the whole point of feminism?  I thought the whole point of feminism is that men & women are intellectual equals & should thus have equal rights & responsibilities.  evidence

[As an aside, the people for whom I have the most sympathy right now are those who truly have been raped or sexually assaulted.  They are having to hear about all these issues constantly in the media, as well as social media, which must be a horrible reminder of the trauma they have endured.  I have not experienced these things but I have certainly been sexually harassed on plenty of occasions (sometimes by men in power over me) & all this talk has brought back some less than fond memories that I’d rather not think about.  So I can only imagine how much worse it must be for those who have actually experienced sexual violence.]

christina hoff sommers

Sad but true

There is no doubt that statistically more women have been raped or sexually assaulted & that a woman’s chances of experiencing these horrifying events is significantly greater than that of a man’s.  But that does NOT mean we should dispense with innocent until proven guilty.  That does NOT mean we should automatically believe all women even without a shred of evidence.  That is just not how civilized society works, people. duke lacrosse

With the Duke lacrosse case, the UVA case in Rolling Stone, the Brian Banks case (an NFL player who spent years in prison due to a false rape charge), the Jemma Beale case, & this current case in PA, among others, I am seriously worried that we are going to end up raising a generation of men who DON’T believe ANY women.  And to me that is truly horrifying.  As far as I’m concerned, any woman who falsely accuses a man of sexual assault or rape should be punished the same way the man would have been punished if he actually had committed that crime.  Such women are only making things harder for the real victims out there which is truly tragic.  And yes, I realize the number of fake rape charges is overall fairly small.  But that doesn’t mean it isn’t important to address this issue.  Just because something is rare doesn’t make it less serious.brian banks

Sexual assault & rape are horrifying.  And there are definitely dozens of legitimate reasons why they are often unreported.  But the current climate of “believe all women” & dispensing with innocent until proven guilty isn’t helping anything either.  If anything it’s just antagonizing men & women against each other.  And that is the last thing we need if we truly want to tackle these issues & make some headway in the fight against sexual violence.

feminism modern

Thank goodness for the old school feminists who helped get us the right to vote & own property, etc.  But these modern hard core feminists have lost all sense of reason.

I am fully aware that writing this will possibly cost me some friends.  I am fully aware that some women will probably call me sexist against my own gender.  But frankly I don’t care anymore.  This is way too important of an issue for me to remain silent & if that costs me some “friends,” so be it.   

The Outsider


This is not a political blog & it never will be. But I HAVE made it clear that I am a Libertarian & I make no apologies for that. Today’s post is just a quick vent (before Rachel wakes up, if I can manage that). I am writing this purely for my own emotional benefit (e.g. stress relief), not because I need some kind of third party validation for my feelings.

libertarian

Being a Libertarian is hard. Everywhere I go I’m always the outsider, the objector. If I’m with my family or my more conservative friends, I’m too liberal because I support gay marriage & the legalization of drugs & prostitution (not because I think drugs or prostitution are good ideas- obviously they’re not- but because I see no benefit to society to criminalizing them), plus I love rock/heavy metal. If I’m at work or with my more liberal friends, I’m too conservative because I’m not a hardcore feminist, I support lower taxes/small government, I hate socialism, & I support the second amendment. Basically I am always the crazy person. Ha!

libertarian cartoon

To be clear, I am not complaining about my friends or family. They are all wonderful people who are accepting of me even though I’m very different in some ways. I’m just saying that there are days when I must admit I am jealous of those who have the luxury of truly fitting into a community of like-minded people. It must be nice to live in a world where you can be constantly reassured that your beliefs are the right ones, whether they are more liberal or more conservative beliefs. (Or maybe no one actually feels that way & I’m imagining it.) Meanwhile everywhere I go I feel like I’m constantly being told “you’re wrong, you’re wrong, you’re wrong!”

libertarian graphic

But at the end of the day I’m a Libertarian for a reason: I love liberty. I love freedom. I truly believe in individual freedom & self-responsibility. And I truly believe that individuals are better when they are freer & thus our communities are better as well. After all, what our communities made of if not individuals? And if that makes me permanently a bit of an outsider, so be it.

piss off cartoon

This cartoon is my life.

Just Chill Out, Moms


There is a meme circulating around Facebook these days about how much easier motherhood must have been back in the 1970s & 80s when “all moms had to worry about was remembering to roll the car window down so their kids didn’t breathe in too much cigarette smoke” (or something to that effect).  The author of the post goes on to say how she has spent 45 mins researching what kind of vitamins to buy her kids & how they are going to cost her an arm & a leg but she feels like she has to have the “perfect” ones or she’s somehow going to damage her kids for life.organic food cartoon

I get it, ladies, I really do.  Moming is hard work these days.  Everywhere we turn there’s some new post or ad telling us “you need this” or “your kid will get cancer or die if they have this.”  But the truth is motherhood has always been hard.  And frankly we are making things so much harder on ourselves because we buy in to the hysteria about having to be perfect about every little thing.  Do you think the average dad is anguishing over whether his kids are eating all organic non-GMO food or using phthalate free body wash or taking the perfect blend of vitamins?  Um, no.  Ladies, why are we doing this to ourselves?  Being a mom is hard enough as it is.  I for one refuse to obsess over every tiny little thing, thereby making my life even more difficult- & far less enjoyable- than it already is!

 

mom cartoon

We have enough to worry about as moms.  Let’s stop adding to it by obsessing over every tiny detail.

Here’s the thing, y’all: we are all going to die someday.  As a nurse I have lost count of the number of times I have seen people die.  It’s just part of life.  Am I saying we should give our kids sodas & McDonald’s on a regular basis?  Hell no!  I believe it’s very important to feed our kids a healthy diet to help prevent early-onset diabetes & all the other myriad health problems that come with obesity.  But obsessing over everything being organic, non-GMO, etc, etc- give me a break!  I for one don’t have the time or energy (or money) for all that.dont compare

At the end of the day, this is what I know: my child is loved & cared for.  We read books to her on a daily basis, usually multiple times a day.  We take her on walks around the neighborhood so she can enjoy some fresh air & get some good old fashioned Vitamin D.  We feed her a reasonably healthy diet (probably very healthy compared to most kids but by no means perfect).  We take her to the doctor for her regular check-ups & make sure she’s meeting all of her developmental milestones.  She has a loving sitter who cares for her on the three days a week that I work.  While she’s there she gets to play with other girls around her age which is teaching her a great deal about socialization.  She sees her grandparents on a regular basis & has built a loving relationship with them.  At the end of the day, these are the things that matter.  These are the things she will look back on some day & be grateful for.  What more could we want?  everything kills.jpg

If nursing has taught me anything, it’s that life is way too short to be unhappy.  And I for one cannot be happy if I am obsessing over every little ingredient in every product I buy or torturing myself over what kind of multivitamins I give my child.  I don’t have the time or energy for that.  As someone who has struggled with anxiety for years, I find it very ironic that people frequently tell me I’m such a “chill” mom.  But I am (most of the time- trust me, I have my freak out moments like anyone else) because I know life is way too short to obsess over things that aren’t going to matter in the course of a lifetimecourse of a lifetime

Moms, if I have one piece of advice for you, it’s this: just chill out.  Hug your kids, give them a kiss, & stop worrying so damn much.  

The Answer to All of Society’s Problems


As you’ve probably already heard, as it’s rightfully been all over the news & social media, there were 66 people shot in Chicago this past weekend, 12 of whom died.  These numbers are absolutely astounding on the face of it & yet for Chicago it’s really NOT all that shocking.  After all, the city has had some of the highest rates of violent crime, including murder, for years now- despite some of the strictest gun laws in the nation.  It’s almost like those laws don’t actually work… Hmmm…gun free zones

Anyway, this whole situation is obviously incredibly sad & says a lot of negative things about our society.  However, what continues to amaze me is that so many people are looking to the government for a solution when the real answer lies within our own power.  The biggest problem our society faces today is that entirely too many people believe government, specifically more rules & regulations, is the answer to all of our problems.  In reality, quite the opposite is usually true.  For decades now we’ve been handing over more & more of our freedoms to supposedly increase our safety- & yet we  are having more & more mass shootings & most of us would probably say we feel less safe now than we did in the past!  Hmm….no more big govt

I could go on & on for quite a while but for the sake of brevity (since Rachel may well wake up from her nap soon), I’ll go for short & sweet today.  The answer to all of society’s ills, from poverty to single motherhood to drugs to gangs to violent crime, is simple.  The answer is we need to focus on building strong families.  The evidence is there, folks.  Time & time again we can see that regardless of race or economic status children raised in stable, loving families fair the best in all regards.  They are more likely to succeed academically & less likely to get involved in drugs or other criminal activities.  The list goes on & on.  The answer to reducing violent crime & drug use & poverty & all these issues our society faces today is not more government.  It’s not more laws & regulations.  You can not legislate out issues as complex as poverty & racial disparities.  These things can only be addressed by building strong families.family

I realize I am sounding far more conservative here than I actually am.  Unlike many who would agree with me on everything I’ve said thus far, I actually don’t have a problem with families not being the traditional nuclear family.  For example, I think it’s perfectly fine for stable homosexual couples to raise children.  The point is that children need to be raised in loving families who love them, discipline them, & raise them to be kind & productive members of society.  We have to stop expecting the schools to raise our children.  We have to stop expecting everyone else to take responsibility for our lives & our children’s lives.  It doesn’t work that way.  Until we start taking back that responsibility we will not see the positive changes in society that we would like to see.  Families are the most basic building block of society & until we focus on fixing that, everything else is do is in vain.  It’s really that simple.

The Inadequacy Illusion


Do you ever find yourself feeling inadequate in today’s era of social media?  I know I do.  Actually I don’t think I need social media to feel inadequate from time to time, but I do think it can exacerbate things which is why I’m trying to limit my use of it.  Anyway, the following is a list of the things that make me feel inadequate on a regular basis.

inadequate mom

I laughed! But in all seriousness, I don’t do crunchy mom blogs because I can only imagine how inadequate they would make me feel.  I ain’t got time for that.

  • I’m 20 lbs overweight
  • I don’t eat as healthily as I should (though pretty well by American standards)
  • I hate running
  • My jeans are not a single digit size anymore
  • I hate decorating, crafts, scrap-booking, & all that cutesy stuff
  • I get frustrated with my toddler way more than I feel like I “should”
  • I don’t eat all organic, non-GMO or use only all-natural products . . . or even really care to do so
  • I have no interest in going back to school for a master’s or doctorate degreedont compare

And the following is a list of reasons why all of the above are basically nonsense

  • I’m stronger than the average woman
  • I eat a lot more healthily than I used to
  • I love lifting weights & taking long walks
  • I’m not defined by the size of jeans I wear . . . And I AM working on losing weight because I know it is important for my long-term health.
  • Anyone who judges me for not being a “Pinterest mom” isn’t my friend anyway
  • Toddlers are frustrating by definition . . . But also sweet & adorable, thankfully!
  • Listen, we’re all dying some day.  Sure it’s great to be as healthy as possible but I’m not going to obsess over every little ingredient in my life . . . Besides, arsenic is 100% natural- & it will surely kill you.  So yeah, there’s that.
  • I have the rest of my life to work or go back to school . . . But my baby will only be little once, so I’m going to soak up these years while I can because I know they’ll be gone before I know it.pinterest mom

Moreover, I’m trying to remind myself that for every time I feel bad about myself for one of the above reasons, there is probably someone out there who wishes she (or he) had my life.  I refuse to berate myself for having feelings of inadequacy because that’s just a never-ending cycle of guilt that gets me nowhere, but I AM trying to take a step back & think about all the many wonderful things in my life & how grateful I am to be where I am today.  At the end of the day, I think we all have this illusion that our lives are inadequate in one way or another- & we just need to learn that it’s just that- an illusion.  I might not be as patient as I wish I were- but at least I’m aware of it & working on it.  I might not be the perfect embodiment of attachment parenting- or any other parenting model, for that matter- but I’m trying my best & I have a happy, healthy child who is proof that I must be doing something right.  And right now, that is good enough for me.

 

“Am I the Only One?”- Mom Edition


Hello, moms of the world.  Does anyone else feel like they just don’t relate well to babies & toddlers?  I love Rachel with every fiber of my being & there are some things I absolutely love about this age (18 months) but I also have to admit that sometimes I really struggle.  The tantrums are starting &- just like she did with her screaming fits as an infant- she reserves the vast majority of them for me.  I know in some ways this is a compliment because it means she is most comfortable with me.  After all, even as adults we typically save our “tantrums” for our spouses or significant others because they’re the people we feel the most comfortable with & we know they won’t just kick us to the curb even if we aren’t our most lovable.  But it’s still hard, especially since I’m a very logical, pragmatic person & babies & toddlers are anything BUT logical & pragmatic.motherhood not for sissies

Sometimes I just can’t help but look at other moms & feel like I’m on the outside looking in at all these women who just naturally know how to relate to babies & toddlers, meanwhile I’m over here like “I have no idea what I’m doing.”  I know that we all struggle some days & no one is actually perfect, but I constantly hear moms say how the first few years are the “best times” & I just can’t help but feel like that isn’t going to be true for me.  Trust me, I LOVE my time with Rachel.  I am in no way rushing things.  I know I will have loads of wonderful memories from these early years (I already do).  Yet I just can’t help but feel like my time to really blossom as a mom is going to be when she’s a bit older.  And is that really so horrible?  I don’t think so.outsidelookingin

Trust me, I love watching Rachel explore the world around her & find so much joy in the simplest things like twigs or leaves or blades of grass.  I LOVE it.  But I also can’t wait to be able to take her hiking in the mountains & to concerts & to really explore the world around us in a more adult way.  I know she’ll lose her “innocence” as she gets older & while that is hard to accept I think it’s worth it because she’ll gain so much more.  And is that really such an awful thing?  I think not.Anxiety mental health symbol isolated on white. Mental disorder icon design

Please tell me I’m not the only one who feels this way.  My anxiety likes to convince me that I’m crazy & that no one else feels like I do, but logically I know there have to be other moms out there like me- even if we are the minority.

You’re Not Special


2018 is shaping up to be an excellent year for rock music.  Quite a few great albums have already been released thus far & we’re not even half way through the year yet.  One of those albums is Shinedown’s latest effort Attention, Attention which debuted just this past Friday.  I enjoyed their previous album Threat to Survival but it was definitely not my favorite of theirs largely because it just felt too “soft” to me.  However, Attention, Attention is clearly a return to a heavier sound which I’m really pleased to hear.  Ironically though, it’s one of the lighter songs on the record that has really resonated with me this week.  The song is number twelve on the disc & is entitled Specialattention shinedown

I’m not sure why this song is speaking to me so much this week but it is.  Perhaps it’s because it’s so easy to get caught up in the anxieties & hassles of life & get stuck in the trap of thinking “I’m the only person who’s ever experienced this,” “No one really knows what I’m going through,” or “Nobody gets me!”  The truth is we are all unique in some ways & yet we are all the same in so many more ways.  We all struggle with the same basic things in life & yet so often we allow our differences to divide us rather than allowing our shared humanity to unite us.diverse kids

Maybe it wasn’t the intended message of this song but I find it really inspirational to stop feeling sorry for myself for certain things & to just get up, get going, & kick ass like I know I can if I, to borrow a Nike phrase, JUST DO IT.  In the social media age, it’s so easy to compare ourselves to others & feel like other people have things more together than we do but such thinking gets us nowhere; it literally accomplishes nothing.  And there is absolutely no reason to compare our lives anyway.  We all end up in the same grave at the end.  Trying to compete with others is a battle in which no one wins but everyone loses.  comparison

The song’s lyrics are below.  Definitely check it out in the link I posted above.

Hurry up before you go & get old
Hurry up before your blood runs cold
None of us were ever meant to stay
We’re all gonna find out one day

You see life’s too short to run it like a race
So it’s never gonna matter if you win first place
Cause we’re all the same

Stop waiting on your fifteen minutes of fame
Cause you’re not special
I’m not trying to rain on your parade
But you’re not special
I’m not trying to bring you down
I’m not trying to sound so ineffectual
But you’re not special

Hurry up before the bottle kicks in
Before the poison & the pain sets in
If you take it down a notch & you let me explain
That on this earth we are all the same
And all I can say is

Stop waiting on your fifteen minutes of fame
Cause you’re not special
I’m not trying to rain on your parade
But you’re not special
I’m not trying to bring you down
I’m not trying to sound so ineffectual
Cause you’re not special

We all live to love
We all fall apart
We’d all go to war
For the faint of heart
Instead we’re condescending
There are no happy endings
I won’t hold my breath
I won’t cast a doubt
I’d never sell you out
But I’ll give you one last chance to own it
Cause you’re not a God or a poet so

Stop waiting on your fifteen minutes of fame
Cause you’re not special
I’m not trying to rain on your parade
But you’re not special
I’m not trying to bring you down
I’m not trying to sound so ineffectual
But you’re not special

not special