Final Pregnancy Update

Well, here I am at 38 weeks & I’m officially out of work until after delivery. This was supposed to be my last week of work, but this past Friday (the day after Thanksgiving) I ended up in the hospital being checked for preeclampsia. After working all night I came home feeling less than stellar, then ended up vomiting & generally feeling horrible & unable to sleep. My doula encouraged me to speak to the midwife on call so I did. The midwife asked me to come to the hospital to have my BP checked & lab work done. As it turned out, my BP was borderline high & some of my labs were a little off but nothing too serious so they sent me home. However, the midwife instructed me to follow up with the office on Monday rather than waiting till my normally scheduled visit on Wednesday. She also asked me to keep track of my BP over the weekend which I did. Granted I was checking it myself, which is actually not so difficult with a little practice, but I consistently got 140/90 ish readings all weekend, so yesterday morning I called the office as soon as they opened to make an appointment to be seen ASAP. Thankfully I was able to get an appointment for mid morning. pregnancy-meme

Unfortunately at the office my BP was 142/88 & I had proteinuria, both of which are new for me. Up until Friday I have medically had a picture perfect pregnancy. My BPs had been stellar, my blood work was all normal, my urine tests were fine, & my ultrasounds displayed a perfectly healthy baby. I’ve been working out a bit less the past month or so as I’ve gotten bigger & more uncomfortable, but overall I’ve still continued to be active & made it to the gym or at least taken a good walk around the neighborhood 3-5 days a week. My anxiety has been another story . . . but medically at least I was doing really well. pregnancy cartoon

The plan for now is for me to see one of the midwives again on Wednesday to have my BP & urine rechecked & possibly a non-stress test & to stop working until after delivery. (Like I said this was going to be my last week anyway.) They aren’t considering induction yet but if my BP gets worse, they very well may. It’s just a waiting game at this point. I’ve been so committed to a low intervention birth so the idea of an induction doesn’t thrill me because I know it carries its own risks. However, if my BP remains elevated &/or my labs are abnormal I’ll obviously agree to it because I know it would be the best choice for me & the baby. I’m just hoping that being out of work will help my BP to normalize.

Story of my life these days!!

In one way it’s a relief to know that I’m done with work because 12 hr night shifts have become a serious challenge of late. But of course I’m not thrilled that I’m showing signs of possible preeclampsia. And I do feel a bit guilty for “bailing” on my colleagues, but obviously I have to do what’s best for my own & the baby’s health at this point. I know it must sound incredibly stupid, but it’s so hard for me to give myself permission to just relax & pamper myself a bit. I’ve always been such a hardworking perfectionist that it’s difficult to accept that my only “job” right now is to simply relax & take care of myself & the baby. There is also a part of me that is disappointed that despite trying to take such good care of myself I’m still having complications with this pregnancy. But I’m trying to remind myself that this is largely beyond my control, & as my therapist has told me a millions times, it’s not worth stressing about things I can’t control.

Amen! For a planner like me, this is a bit rough.

I should probably be sleeping but I felt like I needed to write a bit before my mind would fully relax. So here’s hoping for a good night’s rest now that I’ve vented a bit. And laughed at funny pregnancy memes. (You’re welcome.)

I’m sure this song was written in a very different context, but the lyrics feel perfect for me right now. Being a soft acoustic piece it showcases a very different side of Upon a Burning Body. It also just so happens that the lead singer’s wife is currently pregnant & due a week after me. In fact we’ve been following each other’s Instagram accounts throughout our pregnancies which has been rather fun. In any case, it’s how I’m going to end this post since I’m otherwise a bit at a loss for words right now.

Accurate!!

See me staring back in the mirror
You don’t have to try so hard
Suddenly life is much clearer
You don’t have to change a thingI’m not perfect & that’s okay with me
I’m not perfect & that’s okay

And I don’t care what they think of me
Cause I’m not ashamed
Of the person I am today
I want you to see the happiest that I’ll ever be
Is just being myself

Because I’m not perfect & that’s okay with me
I’m not perfect & that’s okay (And that’s okay)

Over and over, I pay the cost of playing this game
What can I do to escape?
I will never be the man I want to be
If I can’t learn from my mistakes

I’m not perfect & that’s okay with me
I’m not perfect & that’s okay (And that’s okay)
I’m not perfect & that’s okay (I’m not perfect!)
I’m not perfect & that’s okay (I’m not perfect!)

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The Anxiety Monster, Pregnancy Edition

Those of you who know me in real life may have noticed that I’ve been a bit more anxious the past few weeks. Between getting a bad cold in early August & then developing intermittent allergies that refuse to go away ever since then, some rough shifts at work (including violent patients & multiple deaths), the anniversary of my grandfather’s death last year, & just the general stress of pregnancy, my mind has been more than a little over-stimulated the past few weeks. I guess my body has been over-stimulated too because I’m sick once again, this time with a viral throat infection that has left me feeling like I have knives in my throat (which is extra fun with acid reflux on top of it), congested, & having intermittent coughing spells if I try to talk for more than about 30 seconds at a time. Oh yeah, my body hurts all over & I’ve had a mild fever too. And my normal pregnancy fatigue has been multiplied times ten. AND of course I can’t help but worry that me being sick isn’t good for the baby! Arghhhh!!

I struggle with anxiety, but I’ve found that this blog is a great way to tame the “anxiety monster.”

On top of all that, I find myself feeling incredibly guilty for complaining about being sick & stressed about my pregnancy & impending motherhood. I know there are so many women out there who would give anything just to be pregnant right now, so every time I complain about how much my sacrum hurts (it’s never my lumbar area, always my sacrum) or how much it sucks to be sick while pregnant, part of me feels like this wretched spoiled brat who ought to just shut up & realize how lucky she really is. But that doesn’t change the way I’m feeling of course. It just leads to a cycle of negativity that never ends. anxiety charlie brown

Up until the past few weeks I’ve been so proud of myself for how I’ve handled this pregnancy & not letting my underlying anxiety issues overwhelm me. But here lately I feel like I’ve lost traction & I’m just barely keeping my head above water. Thankfully I found out today that my glucose tolerance test & my hemoglobin are normal. Those are at least two things that can no longer be a source of anxiety for me. My husband & I have also managed to select & purchase a car-seat & stroller recently which, trust me, is a massive endeavor these days. (Can we say too damn many options?!) So that’s two major baby purchases out of the way. Now if Buy Buy Baby can just deliver the stroller instead of some kind of jumper thing that they accidentally sent me instead . . . Seriously, whoever packed that order must have been drunk. I could understand sending me a similar but different stroller but this wasn’t even close to the right item. At least they have free shipping, including returns! And in a week or two I’ll probably find this whole scenario hilarious. pregnancy cartoon

I’m sure this hasn’t been my most coherent or eloquent blog post. Honestly I’m not sure what I’m trying to accomplish other than to just vent & let the world know that I’m struggling right now. Overall pregnancy really hasn’t been as difficult as I thought it might be, at least in some ways. But here lately my anxiety has definitely been getting the better of me, whether it’s obvious to others or not. Maybe it’s just my hormones going haywire which is entirely possible of course. Having obsessive compulsive personality traits & a higher than normal level of anxiety really isn’t the best combination for a pregnant woman. But this is me, & I know that some of these “negative” traits have served me well in life thus far & I can only hope they will serve me well as a mother too in the not so distant future. In the meantime, I’ll be listening to music, reading P.D. James & Bill Bryson, cuddling our corgi, & reminding myself that the anxiety monster has reared its ugly head plenty of times before. Yet I’ve survived every battle thus far, which means there’s no (logical) reason to doubt my ability to win the battle this time.

Ok, I’m not quite this big yet, but bending over to pick up dropped items is definitely harder than it used to be. Also, this cartoon made me laugh way more than it probably should. But those of you who know how clumsy I am will understand why.

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Happy Blogiversary/My Pregnancy Journey (So Far)

I was just sitting down to compose a blog post about my pregnancy journey to date when WordPress so kindly sent me a notification that today is the three year anniversary of my blog . . . or my blogiversary as I’m choosing to call it. (Did I make up that word? I doubt it but I’m not sure it’s a “real” word either. Whatever, it works.) So I’ll begin this post by congratulating myself on three years of blogging! As I’ve written many times before, this blog, more than anything else, is an outlet for me to make sense of my own life & to mitigate my own anxiety issues. As it turns out, I’m very pleased to report that I’ve received quite a few messages/comments over the past few years from friends & strangers alike telling me how much my blog posts have helped & encouraged them. That is a truly unique feeling that reminds me over & over again that even my most difficult posts are worth sharing because I never know who else they might help. blogiversary

Now on to the original purpose of the post. Today marks 20 weeks of my pregnancy which means I’ve officially hit the halfway mark! Thus I figured this would be a good time to share my pregnancy journey so far, mostly for my own sake since I know I’ll never have time to do this once the baby is born. But I also figured it would be fun to share with other moms & pregnant ladies (or those who hope to be pregnant soon) who can then share their own stories. pregnancy superpower

If you don’t know me personally, let me preface this by saying that for years I said I was never having kids, & at the time I really, really meant it. I was just never one of those women who imagined herself as a mom. I’ve never spent a lot of time with young children or babies, & frankly I never much cared to. In the back of my mind I knew I’d probably change my mind some day (as my husband frequently told me I would), but I was so focused on school & my nursing career & just enjoying being a young 20-something that for years I couldn’t imagine ever wanting a child.

I felt this way for a long time & I still think it’s perfectly ok to feel this way. Not everyone HAS to be a parent.

Well, over the past two years things changed, & by last summer I knew I was ready to start trying for a baby sooner rather than later. I ended up having my IUD removed at the end of January of this year. Yes, I became one of those annoying women who takes a pregnancy test every single week, sometimes more than once, because over & over again I was sure I might be pregnant only to find out I wasn’t. I NEVER thought I’d cry over a negative pregnancy test, but I did (more than once). By the end of March I forced myself to take only one a week to avoid further disappointment. Logically I knew it wasn’t realistic to expect it to happen so quickly, but hormones don’t always listen to logic (ha!!). pregnancy hormones cartoon

Anyway, I got the positive test on Sunday morning, April 10 after I came home from work. Fortunately I was able to get into the midwife’s office the very next day to have the pregnancy confirmed. I was so excited to call my parents & to tell my closest friends! I know a lot of people wait several more weeks “to be sure,” but I was way too excited to keep it a secret from my closest friends & family. I had my first ultrasound on May 6 & afterward we immediately drove to VA to share the news with our entire families. Hearing the heartbeat for the first time was truly an incredible experience. What amazed me even more was that we could actually SEE the heart beating. I didn’t realize you could do that so early in the pregnancy. The ultrasound finally gave us a due date (Dec 13), which meant I was 8.5 weeks at that time. I know that is pretty early to share the news, but the way I saw it was if I did have a miscarriage I’d rather people knew about it so they could grieve with me rather than having to grieve on my own with people wondering why the heck I was such an emotional disaster. Plus statistically speaking the odds of miscarriage once you’ve had a normal ultrasound at 8 weeks are actually very low. pregnancy boob cartoon

As far as pregnancy signs & symptoms, the very first thing I noticed, before I even had the positive pregnancy test, was waking up hot in the middle of the night. I wasn’t actually soaked in sweat but I was hot enough that I’d throw off the covers & lay there wondering what was wrong with me. Soon thereafter I started noticing breast tenderness (woohoo!). Around 8 weeks is when the nausea (& fatigue) started kicking in, which was when I found out that morning sickness is a huge misnomer. Compared to a lot of women I probably had it easy because I only actually got sick a few times. But I had such high hopes that I’d miss out on that lovely “side effect” of pregnancy because my mom swears she never felt sick with me or my sister, so I was really disappointed when I turned out not to be so lucky. Over the weeks I learned how to handle it better though. The biggest thing that helped me (which was often hard to do at work) was eating frequent small meals/snacks, even if it was something as simple as a few saltines or some applesauce. I’m pretty sure I didn’t eat any meat or good protein for a solid month, which I hated, but bland carbs were about all I could tolerate most days. I also learned that water with lime or lemon juice in it is very helpful, as are Preggie Pop Drops & Gin-Gins (both hard candies). The latter were both great options for driving or for work (where I tend to encounter some not so pleasant body odors). pregnancy cartoon

In week 13 I had the bad luck to catch a GI virus that landed me in the ER getting 2L of IVF & some Phenergan. That was pretty horrible, especially since I thought I’d gotten to the point when I should have been feeling better. As it turned out, I hit week 14 & I swear the nausea magically melted away. People had told me that would happen, but I didn’t believe them. It just sounded too good to be true. Not only did my nausea resolve itself, but my energy level returned to (almost) normal). I could go to the gym more than once a week & not feel like I was dying. It was AMAZING. Since then the only annoying symptoms I’ve had to deal with are intermittent acid reflux & occasional low back pain. Sleeping with my Snoogle has helped immensely with easing (& probably preventing) the back pain. I’m so thankful a high school friend of mine told me about this pillow. It is worth every penny, & I’m quite sure I’ll be using “my anaconda pillow” (as my husband calls it) long after I’m pregnant (probably forever). I do notice that I’m more short of breath with exertion (like going up 2-3 flights of stairs) these days, but I’m still able to work out without any real difficulty. I take longer breaks between sets at the gym, & I’ve switched from the treadmill to the elliptical since it’s a bit “gentler.” Whatever I’m doing, I try not to let my heart rate get > 150 so I can ensure the baby is still getting plenty of oxygen. (No, I do not have a Fitbit so I am definitely that weirdo standing in front of the clock counting my carotid pulse. Hey, it’s free & it works!) baby banana

Over the past few weeks people have been asking me if I’ve felt the baby move. I hadn’t felt anything until a few days ago so for a few weeks I was having a lot of anxiety over that. The midwife reassured me at my appointment last week that it is perfectly normal, especially for a first-time mom, not to feel anything definite till 21 weeks, but naturally I was still worried. As it turns out, when I was at work on Sunday night around 0300 (so actually Monday morning), the baby “woke up” & suddenly I was sure that what I was feeling was NOT just gas or my stomach gurgling. It felt like he or she was doing somersaults in there! I would not call it a fluttering feeling as so many women say it is, but it’s a great feeling nonetheless. When I got in bed Monday morning I could feel the baby kicking (or doing something) when I put my hand on my abdomen. SO COOL! Now I can’t wait for my husband to be able to feel it soon. boy or girl

I’ll have my anatomical ultrasound this coming Monday, so in less than a week we’ll know if we’re having a girl or a boy. I can’t lie, I am really hoping for a girl. I know in the end I’ll be pleased no matter what, but there is a part of me that just really wants a daughter. Maybe it’s partly because I want to be able to prove everyone wrong who’s told me how much harder girls are. Or maybe it’s because I don’t have a brother so I don’t feel like I have much experience with or understanding of little boys. I’m certainly not a girly-girl so I don’t want a girl so I can dress her up in frilly dresses (I don’t even like pink & especially not baby pink). I think it’s more that I have this idea that if I have a daughter she’s more likely to stay close to me as an adult. I know it’s not always true, but in general I feel like mothers & daughters stay closer over the years (with the exception of adolescence usually) than mothers & sons. I think perhaps that is the biggest reason I am hoping for a girl. baby names

Well, I think I hit all the highlights. Pregnancy is definitely an interesting journey with unique highs & lows, but I know it will all be worth it. Now that I physically feel so much better I do have a bit more anxiety about labor & breastfeeding & just being a mom in general, but I’m trying to take things one day at a time & remind myself that I’ve already accomplished a lot of things in life that I never thought I could do, so I can handle this too. Plus I have to think that being a night shift nurse who is used to chronic sleep deprivation & generally odd sleeping patterns will help me be slightly more prepared than the average woman.

Ladies, please feel free to comment with your own pregnancy stories!

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Monday Morning Musings

I’ve got a lot of random thoughts swimming around my head right now. And no, they aren’t ALL about pregnancy, babies, or children. In case you’re wondering, this isn’t going to turn into a “mommy blog,” although I’m sure I will have more posts about that subject than I did before, but I assure you it won’t be the main theme.

Anyway, some of these topics may evolve into their own blog posts later this week, but for now I’ll just do a brief visit on each subject as a means of clearing my mind. pregnancy boob cartoon

On Saturday I went to one of the local malls to look for new bras. Yes, I’m not even finished with the first trimester (getting close though), & already my old bras have gotten too tight to be comfortable. Woohoo! Haha! Anyway, there I am in Motherhood Maternity trying on bras when the saleswoman starts going on & on to me about how horrible her pregnancies were & how she desperately hopes she isn’t pregnant again. As if that weren’t bizarre enough, she then goes on to say that I better hope my baby isn’t a girl because “girls are so much harder.” (Did I mention I was trying on bras during all of this?!) Unfortunately this isn’t the first time I’ve been told this. As early as last year when I was just talking about having kids several women told me to hope for boys because “they’re easier.” I’ve always found such comments incredibly rude & obnoxious, & I think the fact that they’ve always come from women makes them even worse. How do these women not realize that they are perpetuating negative stereotypes against their own gender? It’s very obvious to me that it all boils down to parents being afraid that their daughters will get pregnant & become a burden on them. I understand this is a legitimate fear, but if we raised our kids in such a way that sex wasn’t completely off the table for discussion or always regarded as something dirty to which they can’t have access, maybe we wouldn’t have to worry so much about such things. And shouldn’t parents of boys be equally worried that their sons will impregnate someone at an early age or disadvantageous time? If I have sons I sure as hell will be. And maybe we wouldn’t have to worry so much about our daughters getting hurt by men if we as a society raised better men. Hmm, just a thought . . . No matter what your thoughts are on the subject, I just think it is unacceptable to make such comments, especially to a complete stranger! Additionally, I just can’t help but wonder if women who make such comments treat their daughters differently than their sons. I certainly am incredibly grateful that my mom (& dad) never once made me feel like I was more difficult or a greater burden to them because I was a girl. Also next time someone makes such a comment to me (because sadly I’m sure it will happen again) I sincerely hope that instead of just being flabbergasted & saying nothing at all I will have the courage to tell them exactly where to get off. In a relatively polite way of course.
The next subject actually deals with gender as well. Living in NC naturally there are all kinds of memes floating around the internet about the whole transgender bathroom issue. I understand that some people have legitimate concerns that sexual predators will start using the women’s bathroom as a way to target females. However, in my opinion the likelihood of this happening is no greater now than it ever has been. I certainly have trouble believing that a cisgender heterosexual male is going to pretend to be transgender, one of the most misunderstood & generally disliked groups of people in our society, & dress up as a woman just to get into the women’s bathroom & have a chance of harassing someone. But that’s not really what I want to discuss today. What really bothers me about this whole issue is the complete lack of empathy I’m seeing over & over again in regard to the transgender community. And a lot of this is coming from people I genuinely love & respect! I just don’t understand how otherwise decent people can have so little empathy for someone who identifies with the opposite gender. Do these people really think someone would CHOOSE to feel that way with all of the difficulties it entails just for the hell of it? That’s absurd. Besides which, if you really think about it, a person who is biologically a male but identifies as a woman & chooses to live as a woman is quite likely actually attracted to men & probably has no sexual interest in women anyway. But that’s really all beside the point. It’s the total lack of empathy surrounding this issue that just makes me want to pull out my hair & throw up my hands in defeat.
Is it bizarre that the idea of potty-training my kids scares me more than teaching them about sex or death or other such traditionally “difficult” subjects? I was awake at 0500 today pondering such things as how to teach my kids fractions & basic math. Somehow this seems more intimidating than teaching them all the “hard” stuff, which is kind of ironic considering I’ve always been really good at math anyway. I just have this irrational fear that I won’t be able to figure out the “easy,” basic stuff like potty-training or teaching my kids to tie their shoes. I know it’s irrational but that doesn’t stop me from worrying about these things sometimes. Overall though I am extremely proud of myself for how relaxed I’ve been throughout this pregnancy so far.
Too funny!
I have never been the jealous type but there is this one girl who goes to my gym who is just so beautiful & in such perfect shape that I can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy every time I see her. Her face is beautiful, her hair is gorgeous, her skin is flawless, & she has the perfect amount of nicely defined muscles while still having plenty of curves. But when I saw her yesterday it occurred to me that no matter how “perfect” she may seem to me, I have no idea how she actually feels about herself. For all I know she could be jealous of girls like me who have considerably bigger boobs! The point is we all have our own “hang-ups,” our own insecurities about our so-called “flaws” that in reality most other people probably never even notice.

Well, those are my thoughts for today. As I said, some of these topics may evolve into separate blog posts later this week, but for now I hope these discussions were both humorous & thought-provoking. Happy Monday, everyone!

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My Biggest Announcement Ever…

Some of you may recognize the majority of this post because I originally wrote & shared it last January (2015, that is). In any case, the post has come full circle now because I’M PREGNANT! In case you’re wondering, yes, this was very much planned & thought out as much as humanly possible. And no, I couldn’t be more excited! 🙂 pregnancy superpower

I had my first ultrasound on Friday. I didn’t cry like I was told I would, but it was INCREDIBLE to not only hear the heartbeat but to actually SEE the heart beating on the screen. Yes, I’m a nurse but I’m definitely NOT an OB nurse & I’ve forgotten most of what I learned in OB class, which is probably a blessing because it means I’m less likely to obsess over every little thing that could go wrong, but in any case I definitely didn’t realize I’d be able to actually SEE that tiny heart beating, especially this early (I’m due in December). Anyway, immediately after the ultrasound & bloodwork, we drove up to VA to see my grandmother & my mom’s side of the family so we could give them the news in person. The next day we visited my husband’s mom & sister (who already knew about the baby), & then on Sunday we had Mother’s Day lunch with my parents & sister & three of my dad’s siblings. My parents & sister already knew about the baby of course, but it was so much fun to be able to share the news with my aunts & uncles in person & on Mother’s Day no less. pregnancy cartoon

Also I feel inclined to explain why I’m sharing this exciting news “so early” (I’m 9 weeks today). Yes, I realize it’s standard practice to wait till 11-12 weeks to tell everyone because of the risk of miscarriage, & I understand why many people do choose to wait. However, for me I felt like I just couldn’t keep such big news a secret for so long. Besides that, statistics show that if you can find a heartbeat on ultrasound at 8 weeks, you have a 97% chance of having a viable pregnancy (in other words NOT having a miscarriage). I like those odds! Perhaps most importantly, I think the standard rule of waiting 3 months is based on the idea that people shouldn’t talk about miscarriages, that it’s something shameful to be kept a secret at all costs. Frankly I think that’s ridiculous, & if I did have a miscarriage I would rather people knew about it so they could grieve with me & understand why I was struggling. I understand some people may feel differently & that’s fine, but I think I made the right choice for me, & that’s all that matters.

Too funny not to share

Anyway, without further ado, here’s the original post that now feels even more relevant & poignant.

As some of you may know, for many years I was quite sure I never wanted to have children. Deep down I knew I’d probably change my mind someday but I just couldn’t imagine that ever happening. I’ve just never been one of those women who instantly connects with children or feels really comfortable with them. Perhaps this is because I wasn’t the happiest child myself; indeed I was always in a hurry to grow up & I’ve never been happier than I have been since I reached adulthood.

Our corgi Chaucer running in the snow this winter

In any case, as it so happens, I’ve been thinking A LOT about becoming a mom lately. It’s probably partly due to having Chaucer (my dog) & watching him grow up & how wonderful that is. And it’s probably partly because I’m 26 so I’m hitting what might be considered a normal age to start having kids. (Hell, where I grew up I’m already far behind!)

When I do decide to have kids, you can be sure I’ll have thought about all the possibilities & consequences. I’ve read all the articles about how kids ruin your sleep, your appearance, your metabolism, your sex life, your marriage, your career, & everything else. (May I just say my husband & I are determined to prove all those articles wrong?) I’ve never been one of those “starry-eyed” women who see babies & only think of cuddles & love. No indeed. When I see babies I think about the pain of labor & breastfeeding & the sleepless nights. Does this make me cold-hearted & unfeeling? No, I think it just makes me realistic. And as one of my dearest friends told me today, the fact that I’ve thought about all of these things & am taking this decision so seriously is probably evidence that I will actually be a good mom. Her saying that means the world to me because whenever I express doubt about becoming a mom or admit that I’m not particularly fond of most young children, it seems that most people give me that look that implies something must be inherently wrong with me & say “Well, if you’re not sure, you better not do it.” blankie baby

In any case, as part of my pondering about becoming a mom, my mind keeps thinking of all the things I want to teach my children someday. I know some people will probably think I’m really pretentious for writing out this list, but the way I see it is it’s better to have a lot of plans that I might never fully accomplish than to have no plans at all.

I will teach my children the importance of asking both “Why?” & “Why not?” If the subject is something to believe or trust, the appropriate question is “Why?” If the subject is something fun to do, the appropriate question is “Why not?”
I will teach my children to play in rain puddles, piles of leaves, & grassy meadows.
I will teach my children to value people of different races, ethnicities, & cultures. I will teach them that no one is superior or inferior than anyone else but especially not because of something so superficial as race, gender, or nationality.
I will teach my children that love is love & it doesn’t matter who it’s between as long as they are two consenting adults who are not hurting each other.
I will teach my kids the value of good nutrition & eating well.
I will teach my kids to enjoy exercise, even if it’s just running around the yard chasing the dog.
On that subject, I will teach my kids that dogs really are man’s (& woman’s) best friend.
I will teach my kids to love rock & roll. I will take them to rock concerts when they are old enough (probably 10-12 or older). I will be that crazy mom who is screaming to the music with my kids & I will not be ashamed or apologize for it. In the car we will rock out to Halestorm, Godsmack, & Black Stone Cherry (among others).
I will teach my children not to judge others based on appearance. I will teach them that some of the best people in the world are covered with tattoos & piercings while some of the most deceitful people in the world are dressed in suits & ties.
I will teach my children that life isn’t all fun & games but it isn’t all misery & suffering either. It’s a little bit of everything & we have to learn to appreciate all of it.
I will teach my children that life’s not fair & they better get used to that real fast.
I will teach my kids that they alone are responsible for the choices they make; thus they better be ready to face the consequences of their actions, no matter what they are.
I will teach my children that sex is wonderful & amazing . . . & because of that they better be careful who they do it with & when. But I will never make them feel that sex in & of itself is something dirty or something to be ashamed of.
I will teach my children about birth control & how it works & why they had better use it until the day they (& their partner) are absolutely certain they are ready to be parents.
I will teach my children that education is the key to success in life . . . but they better have a plan to go along with it because degrees alone are worthless these days.
I will teach my kids that there is no job that is beneath them & working hard at everything they do is essential to success in life.
I will teach my kids to show respect to everyone they meet, whether it’s their doctor, their teacher, or the janitor.
I will teach my children that “everything in moderation” is a really great motto in life, the only exceptions being things like heroin & cocaine. Just have some common sense!
I will teach my kids that things in & of themselves are never evil; it’s how we use them that makes them good or bad. For example, the internet isn’t evil just because some creeps use it to prey on children or watch porn. Books aren’t evil just because some of them say things you don’t like. Music isn’t evil just because some of it contains lyrics that are rude or disparaging.
I will teach my kids the importance of valuing every single day they’re alive because life is never guaranteed.
I will teach my kids that they don’t have to be just like me for me to love them or be proud of them. There is more than one road to success in life & theirs might look very different than mine. And that’s ok.
I will teach my kids that in order to be successful in life they need to get off their ass & get moving. Success doesn’t come to those who wait for it. It comes to those who set goals & work hard to meet them.
I will teach my children that the exact words people say are far less important than the feelings behind them.
On a similar token, I will teach my children that actions speak far louder than words.
I will teach my children to always be honest about their intentions with others.
I will teach my kids the value of empathy & how important it is to just listen to others when they are suffering.
I will teach my children that the world doesn’t owe them anything. They will not be entitled brats if it kills me.
I will teach my kids that the purpose of life is to live it, to soak up every experience life has to offer, & to revel in the love we have for each other.
If I have daughters, I will make sure my husband teaches them how to check the oil in their car & how to change a tire because these are all things I’ve never learned & I want my daughters to be more independent than I am.
If I have sons, I will teach them how to do laundry & basic cooking because I love that I never had to teach my husband any of these things.
I will teach my children that society has various expectations of them based on gender but they need to choose their own path, regardless of what society says.
Grayson Highlands in SW Virginia
I will teach my kids to value the simple beauties of nature: the way the sky looks just before it rains, the sweet smell of honeysuckle in the spring time, the sound of the waves crashing on the shore, the feeling of snowflakes tickling your nose, & the way a little frost makes the whole world look magical.
I will teach my children to love curry & all foods Indian & Mediterranean. If not, they might starve at our house . . .
I will teach my kids that having an argument with someone doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It just means you disagreed about something & the worst thing you can do in such situations is to bottle up your emotions & hold them in until you explode.
I will teach my kids to question everything & never believe something just because such & such person said it. I will teach them to judge everything based on its own merits.
I will share with my kids the joy of reading & searching out used book stores in all corners of the city.
I will take my children to visit their elders & teach them to appreciate all the things the elderly can teach us about life.
I will teach my children that being weird is awesome & following the crowd is for losers.
I will teach my children that no one can make them feel inferior without their consent.
I will teach my kids the difference between serving others & being a doormat. It’s a fine line but it’s one you have to find.
I will teach my kids that in order to take care of others, they must first learn to take care of themselves. As hard as it will be to do so, I will role model this for them as best I can.
I will teach my children that, like things, emotions are never evil. It’s what we do with them that matters. I do not want them to grow up feeling guilty for experiencing anger, sadness, lust, or any other “sinful” emotion. I just want to teach them healthy ways to express these feelings.
I will teach my kids that nothing in life is perfect all the time. Life isn’t a fairytale but it’s still pretty damn good if we make good choices & chase our passions.
I will teach my children that even though being a mom is immeasurably important I am still other things too: a wife, a sister, a daughter, a nurse, etc. Even though I know all children have a hard time thinking of their mothers as anything else, I hope they’ll learn to appreciate me as more than just “a mom” if that makes any sense.
I will teach my children that we are all hypocrites sometimes & no matter how hard we try we all fail to live up to our own ideals at times. We just have to keep striving to do the best we can & stay humble when we make mistakes.
And, perhaps greatest of all, I will kiss & hug my children every day & teach them to never doubt how much I love them.