This is Why You’re an Asshole


Let me preface this rant by saying that I am NOT one of those annoying women who think all men are evil or out to get them.  I’ve known far too many truly decent caring men in my life to write off the whole gender as sick & depraved.  My husband & many of my male friends & family members are proof positive to me that plenty of truly good men do exist in this world.  But to that certain segment of the male population who do NOT fit that description, this letter is for you.  (To clarify, this post was inspired by events that have happened to me or to friends of mine who have described those events to me.)women not pieces of meat

Dear Sir,

I know you are probably nowhere near self-aware enough to wonder why so many women think all men are assholes.  Or why you might in fact actually deserve that title, but I’ll take the time to try to enlighten you today anyway.

You, sir, are an asshole because you greeted me, a potential customer in your restaurant, with the singularly annoying phrase “Hey, girl.”  Now if I knew you personally, or even if I were just a frequent customer whose face you recognized (meaning I too would recognize you), I can assure you I wouldn’t think twice about this greeting.  But when we are both strangers to each other, far be it from you to assume such a level of familiarity with me where none such exists.self respect

You, sir, are an asshole because the moment I walked into the room I felt your gaze upon me, undressing me with your eyes without even trying to hide it.  I’m fully aware that I cannot control what goes on in your mind, just as you cannot control what goes on in mine, but you CAN control your eyes & they do not have to continually stare at me or at any other woman just because we were unfortunate enough to cross your path today.  I’m sure you’re not self-aware enough to realize it, but your staring & the knowing glances shared with your equally disgusting peers are really quite intimidating, not to mention annoying.  Perhaps you DO realize it & that is one reason you partake in such behavior . . . You’re an asshole either way.'BOY that REALLY makes my skin crawl when MEN undress you with their eyes!...'

You, sir, are an asshole because although you probably don’t even know my name, the minute I said hello you felt it necessary to make a joke that implied that I was desperate to sleep with you.  There was never any chance of such a thing, but even if there had been, you’d have erased it all now anyway.  Get over yourself.  There is nothing more unattractive than a man who thinks he’s God’s gift to women.

You, sir, are an asshole because I heard you making comments about my body as I was leaving the room.  As my manager & someone who’s never even been nice to me at all, you do NOT have such privileges.  And I WILL call you out on it, & if that makes me a bitch in your eyes, trust me, I couldn’t care less.

You, sir, are an asshole because I heard you call the last girl you hooked up with a slut, but you slept with her too, so what does that say about you?

You, sir, are an asshole because you think it’s your God-given right to touch every woman who crosses your path.  Newsflash: it’s not.respect

Just to be clear, if you are friends with a woman & for some reason you should find yourself fantasizing or otherwise thinking about having sex with her, that does not automatically make you an asshole.  That just makes you a human being.  (Trust me, women think about sex a lot more than most of us would care to admit.)  I think it’s only natural to feel a certain amount of chemistry with your friends of the opposite sex because relationships really are just friendships “on steroids” so to speak.  As with anything in life, it’s all about what you do with those thoughts & feelings.

In case you haven’t picked up on it yet, here’s the underlying theme: any time you assume too much familiarity with a woman you really don’t know that well, you’re probably being an asshole.  As much as I hate to admit it, although mentally I know we are equals, physically I know I am not a match for you.  Trust me, I don’t live my life thinking of all men as potential rapists & murderers or anything so absurd as all that.  BUT I cannot change the fact that biology has made you bigger & stronger than me, & thus I expect a certain level of respect because of that.  (Actually it has more to do with just being a fellow HUMAN BEING) . . . In other words, if you’re my friend, if you have proven to me over time that I can trust you, then our interactions can assume a level of familiarity that would make me uncomfortable if we were strangers.  (Just to be clear, it’s really not all that different with other women.  After all I don’t mind a bit if my female friends ask me questions about sex or their bodies or whatever, but I’d be pretty horrified if a woman I don’t know at all asked me such things.)not all men are jerks

A side note to any ladies who are reading this:

For the love of logic, please let’s stop tolerating such indecent behavior from those select men who behave in such ways as I’ve described today.  And please let’s stop whining that all men are evil & only interested in sex when most of us who say such things do everything in our power to attract only the worst sort of men.  And I’m calling myself out on this one, but please let’s have the guts to stand up for ourselves when we do encounter a true asshole.

At the end of the day it all comes down to self-respect.  I for one have far too much of it to tolerate this bullshit.

Good day.

A Letter to My Fellow “Man”


Dear “Sirs,”

I walked into a pizza parlor today & immediately I felt your eyes upon me.  As I made my way to the counter to place my order I could feel your stares just as strongly as if they had been your all too grimy hands.  And just a few days ago I had a similar experience at another restaurant when I stopped in for breakfast on my way home from work.  That time you had me surrounded.  Two of you in front of me in line, two of you behind me.  Then you found your way to a table & I found your leering eyes upon me every time I looked up from my own table.  I left feeling dirty & used even though you never touched me or even spoke to me once.

These are just the two most recent episodes of such behavior that I’ve observed.  Sadly these things happen far too often & not just to me & not just in America, but in every tiny town & every major metropolis & every culture in every nation on this planet.  I think it’s safe to say that women all over the world will concur with me that such behavior is offensive, intimidating, & simply degrading.

'BOY that REALLY makes my skin crawl when MEN undress you with their eyes!...'

I’d find all this unwanted attention a bit less shocking if I were dressed in clothes that scream “Look at me!” but I never dress like that.  Miniskirts, booty shorts, & low-cut tops have never been my style.  While I firmly believe both men & women have the right to dress however they choose within context, there is no doubt that our attire does send certain messages about ourselves, whether we realize or want to admit it or not.  (When I say within context, I mean that wearing a bikini to work is clearly unacceptable, unless maybe you’re a model.)  This is not to say that leering at women who choose to dress in more “provocative” attire is acceptable, but at least it is a bit more logical.  In the end though, the burden of responsibility falls on the person who is committing the crime.  And in this case that burden falls squarely on the shoulders of you “men” who have probably never stopped to think twice about how your leering at every unfortunate female who crosses your path might make said female feel.

Maybe this situation wouldn’t be so distressing if I had some means of seeking revenge upon you.  If I could make you as uncomfortable as you make me with your leers & snarky smiles, I’d be happy to try to turn the tables on you & give you a taste of your own medicine, so to speak.  But sadly if I were to leer at you with even half the lust with which you leer at me, you’d probably just be flattered & text your equally sadistic buddies all about it.  Let me be clear in saying that I do not buy into the age-old argument that sex is inherently demeaning or degrading to women.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  But your eyes tell me quite plainly that you view me as nothing more than a sexual object who exists for your pleasure, & this too could be nothing further from the truth.  In reality I am a human being with dreams, hopes, goals, aspirations, & yes, even sexual needs & desires, just as you are.  But that last bit doesn’t justify your treating me as nothing more than a walking vagina with tits & an ass.  Trust me, we females enjoy checking you guys out too, but by & large we don’t view every man who walks by as a piece of meat to feast our eyes upon.  And even if we did, we could never threaten & intimidate you the way you can us because biology is pretty simple & we are as a whole not as physically strong as you are.

women not pieces of meat

I know you probably think you’re doing me some kind of favor by paying attention to me, but your twisted logic isn’t fooling anyone but yourself.  The only thing you’ve accomplished is making it very obvious that you’re so far below my taste in men as to not even be a blip on my radar (not that I’m looking since I’m married, but that’s beside the point in this scenario).  You’re probably not so self-aware as to realize this, but your leers are just a power-play, a way to make you feel stronger when deep down your sense of self is weaker than you’d like to admit.  Real men who are confident in themselves & their ability to win an intelligent well-rounded woman don’t need to stroke their ego by intimidating women with lustful stares & winks at their friends.

And just in case any of you guys happen to be smart asses, no, the answer to this predicament is not me staying at home or putting on a burka to go out in public.  The answer lies in you learning to have some self-control & self-respect which will then enable you to show respect to others.

End message: We’re all human beings here.  Yes, we all have sexual desires & needs but that’s no reason to be disrespectful.  Get over yourselves.  Get your own act together.  And get your dirty eyes off me.

Sincerely,

A woman with too much self-respect to put up with your BS any longer