Let me preface this rant by saying that I am NOT one of those annoying women who think all men are evil or out to get them. I’ve known far too many truly decent caring men in my life to write off the whole gender as sick & depraved. My husband & many of my male friends & family members are proof positive to me that plenty of truly good men do exist in this world. But to that certain segment of the male population who do NOT fit that description, this letter is for you. (To clarify, this post was inspired by events that have happened to me or to friends of mine who have described those events to me.)
I know you are probably nowhere near self-aware enough to wonder why so many women think all men are assholes. Or why you might in fact actually deserve that title, but I’ll take the time to try to enlighten you today anyway.
You, sir, are an asshole because you greeted me, a potential customer in your restaurant, with the singularly annoying phrase “Hey, girl.” Now if I knew you personally, or even if I were just a frequent customer whose face you recognized (meaning I too would recognize you), I can assure you I wouldn’t think twice about this greeting. But when we are both strangers to each other, far be it from you to assume such a level of familiarity with me where none such exists.
You, sir, are an asshole because the moment I walked into the room I felt your gaze upon me, undressing me with your eyes without even trying to hide it. I’m fully aware that I cannot control what goes on in your mind, just as you cannot control what goes on in mine, but you CAN control your eyes & they do not have to continually stare at me or at any other woman just because we were unfortunate enough to cross your path today. I’m sure you’re not self-aware enough to realize it, but your staring & the knowing glances shared with your equally disgusting peers are really quite intimidating, not to mention annoying. Perhaps you DO realize it & that is one reason you partake in such behavior . . . You’re an asshole either way.
You, sir, are an asshole because although you probably don’t even know my name, the minute I said hello you felt it necessary to make a joke that implied that I was desperate to sleep with you. There was never any chance of such a thing, but even if there had been, you’d have erased it all now anyway. Get over yourself. There is nothing more unattractive than a man who thinks he’s God’s gift to women.
You, sir, are an asshole because I heard you making comments about my body as I was leaving the room. As my manager & someone who’s never even been nice to me at all, you do NOT have such privileges. And I WILL call you out on it, & if that makes me a bitch in your eyes, trust me, I couldn’t care less.
You, sir, are an asshole because I heard you call the last girl you hooked up with a slut, but you slept with her too, so what does that say about you?
Just to be clear, if you are friends with a woman & for some reason you should find yourself fantasizing or otherwise thinking about having sex with her, that does not automatically make you an asshole. That just makes you a human being. (Trust me, women think about sex a lot more than most of us would care to admit.) I think it’s only natural to feel a certain amount of chemistry with your friends of the opposite sex because relationships really are just friendships “on steroids” so to speak. As with anything in life, it’s all about what you do with those thoughts & feelings.
In case you haven’t picked up on it yet, here’s the underlying theme: any time you assume too much familiarity with a woman you really don’t know that well, you’re probably being an asshole. As much as I hate to admit it, although mentally I know we are equals, physically I know I am not a match for you. Trust me, I don’t live my life thinking of all men as potential rapists & murderers or anything so absurd as all that. BUT I cannot change the fact that biology has made you bigger & stronger than me, & thus I expect a certain level of respect because of that. (Actually it has more to do with just being a fellow HUMAN BEING) . . . In other words, if you’re my friend, if you have proven to me over time that I can trust you, then our interactions can assume a level of familiarity that would make me uncomfortable if we were strangers. (Just to be clear, it’s really not all that different with other women. After all I don’t mind a bit if my female friends ask me questions about sex or their bodies or whatever, but I’d be pretty horrified if a woman I don’t know at all asked me such things.)
A side note to any ladies who are reading this:
For the love of logic, please let’s stop tolerating such indecent behavior from those select men who behave in such ways as I’ve described today. And please let’s stop whining that all men are evil & only interested in sex when most of us who say such things do everything in our power to attract only the worst sort of men. And I’m calling myself out on this one, but please let’s have the guts to stand up for ourselves when we do encounter a true asshole.
At the end of the day it all comes down to self-respect. I for one have far too much of it to tolerate this bullshit.