My Thoughts on Cam Newton’s Latest Escapade


In case you missed it, Cam Newton has recently found himself in hot water over some comments he made about women & relationships on a recent podcast (see this link for a quick summary: https://nypost.com/2022/04/11/cam-newton-opines-about-women-who-cant-cook-and-dont-know-when-to-be-quiet/). For some background, in case anyone isn’t familiar with why I even care about what Cam Newton says, he has been the quarterback of the Carolina Panthers- the only NFL team in our state- for most of my adult life. Cam is also my age & led the Panthers to an almost undefeated season in 2015, capped off by a Superbowl appearance against Peyton Manning & the Broncos (which unfortunately they lost). Since then, if I’m being honest, his career has been mostly downhill. But there is just something about Cam that I have always liked. Maybe it’s his winning smile, maybe it’s the way he loves to throw footballs to kids after scoring touchdowns, maybe it’s the confidence he has to wear ridiculous outfits & not care that a large portion of the press (not to mention everyday Americans) makes fun of him for it. Whatever it is, there’s just something about the man I can’t help but like.

Now on the surface, I’ll admit his recent comments make me cringe a bit. They were clearly badly worded & generally in poor taste. And- let’s be real- I’m not sure Cam is someone I’d consider a bastion of romantic wisdom. This is a man who fathered four children in just under four years with a former stripper with whom he had an on-again, off-again relationship (Kia Proctor)- AND had an affair with an Instagram model which resulted in a child who was born shortly before his last child with Proctor. Let’s be real- maybe HE is the one who needs some romantic advice! This, of course, many have pointed out. I’ll admit I found myself laughing & nodding along when I read the reaction of Kayle Nicole (Travis Kelce’s girlfriend): “That man ain’t had a job in months. He has nothing but time to “be quiet” and get that ass in the kitchen.” I mean, she has a point, a very legitimate point!

Having said that, one of my main goals in life is to judge every concept on its own merits. What that means is I sincerely try not to throw the baby out with the bathwater. In other words, even if I generally like someone, it doesn’t mean I take every word they say as gospel. Furthermore, even if I generally don’t like someone or don’t respect a certain aspect of their lives, it doesn’t mean everything they say is garbage. I still try to judge their words & actions as objectively as I can. Isn’t there an old Biblical proverb about how even an ass speaks the truth every once in a while? (Yes, there is- I looked it up. Google it if you don’t believe me.)

Anyway, the point is, yes, I generally like Cam but I also am very willing to admit that he probably isn’t the best person to be dispensing relationship advice. Also, it’s entirely possible that what I’m reading into what he said is just an attempt to “whitewash” it & make it more acceptable to myself since I do generally like him as a person- though obviously I don’t actually KNOW him, & he could in fact be just as much of a sexist pig as most of the media has been screaming ever since his recent comments came to light.

Enough preamble. Let’s get to the meat of the issue! Upon closer inspection of Cam’s comments what I’m hearing him say is that men these days no longer feel needed. Perhaps at times they don’t even feel WANTED. And this is something that I think we ladies need to seriously consider. Let’s be real- as women we NEVER have to worry about feeling superfluous. If for absolutely no other reason, we KNOW that men will ALWAYS need & want us for sex. Always! And any decent man will want us for more than just that. Men on the other hand- especially in the age of IVF & sperm donors, financial independence, & general societal equality (all of which are obviously good things)- do actually run the risk of feeling superfluous- or, to put it bluntly, unnecessary. Does this mean we women need to go around catering to every man’s needs & desires & foregoing our own? Of course not! But what I think Cam was trying to say is that he is tired of hearing women say “I’m a strong, independent woman & I don’t need no man.” And then wondering why men aren’t interested. Or why men feel unwanted. It’s the same phenomenon that happens when women constantly bemoan all men for being liars & cheaters & then wonder why decent men avoid them.

Now obviously I think it’s fantastic that women don’t need men for many of the things we used to need them for (e.g. bank accounts, generally supporting us financially), but at the same time, relationships cannot survive if both partners don’t feel needed & valued emotionally. That’s just basic human psychology. And I think maybe that’s what Cam was rather ineloquently trying to say. So as tempting as it is to just throw him under the bus as another sexist entitled brat- which, naturally, is the popular feminist thing to do- I think his comments touch on some deeper issues at play in our society & thus are worthy of some deeper inspection. Is he (or someone like him) someone I’d be jumping up & down to date? Not hardly! But that doesn’t mean everything he has to say about relationships is garbage. After all, ladies, if we expect men to take our criticisms of them seriously (& obviously we do), then we have to return the favor. If we can dish it, we have to be able to take it too, as the old saying goes.

Again, I will gladly admit that maybe I’m just twisting Cam’s comments into something I think is valid or acceptable. That’s always possible. But the contrarian, anti-establishment element of me just can’t help but speak up when I see (almost) everyone else running the other way & decrying Cam as just another sexist idiot. Maybe he is. Even so, maybe he did touch on something worthwhile, albeit not in the most eloquent fashion. Or maybe he just needs to hang out with some women who have actual life skills & goals & aren’t just pretty faces on sexy bodies who are likely just after his money. That’s always a possibility too!

What do y’all think? Did I read way more into this than I should have, likely just to make myself feel better? Or is it possible I’m onto something? In any case, I’ll end by saying this- even if I’m wrong about what Cam meant by his recent comments, I still think the idea of men feeling superfluous in our society is a legitimate concern & something that we all need to consider.

Something New: A Movie Review!


For today’s blog post I thought I would try something a bit different, a movie review. Perhaps if you get bored this weekend this will give you something to check out on Netflix.

As some of you may know I have long been fascinated with Indian culture (Indian as in India, just to be clear since Christopher Columbus has forever made that term ambiguous). In fact when I was a little girl I remember thinking I was surely going to marry an Indian guy or at the very least someone with brown skin from a culture that was not American. Which is pretty hilarious considering where I grew up & the number of Indian (or other Asian) people there (basically zero). In any case because of my fascination with Indian culture I watch lots of Bollywood or other Indian-inspired films on Netflix. Quite conveniently these are mostly of the instant streaming variety.

Last night I rewatched one of my favorite Indian-inspired films, Kissing Cousins. It’s actually an independent American film but the characters are mostly Indian (& thus gorgeous which is always a plus with these type of movies). The main character Amir is a thirty year-old bachelor whose friends are all starting to settle down & get married & thus begin bothering him about doing the same. His career is an odd one; he is a relationship terminator. In other words, people hire him to do their break-ups for them. I know, it’s an odd premise but the film is in LA so it’s not that unlikely that such a career actually exists out there. At Thanksgiving Amir decides to visit his family in Northern CA, something he rarely does, so they are surprised when he unexpectedly shows up. As it turns out his cousin Zara from England is visiting the U.S. & staying in his old room. Amir & Zara have hated each other ever since childhood when they were reenacting Prince Charles & Lady Diana’s wedding with their other cousins/siblings & Amir kissed Zara which then provoked her to bash him in the head with a shovel. Keep in mind this was twenty years ago. Well, after the Thanksgiving meal is over & Amir is ready to head back to LA, his parents suggest that Zara accompany him so she can see Southern CA. At first the cousins are reticent because of their antagonistic history but eventually they agree to forget the past & try to be friends as adults.

So Zara accompanies Amir back to LA & moves into his apartment, intending only to stay a few days. Naturally Amir introduces her to his friends & on a whim Zara, knowing Amir’s romantic situation (or lack thereof), introduces herself as his girlfriend instead of his cousin. Amir decides to go along with the ruse so his friends will stop annoying him about finding a girlfriend. Naturally this is where things begin to get complicated (I’m reminded of the old English adage “Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive”).

I won’t expound much more on the plot for fear of ruining the film for those of you who might actually care to watch this, but I will say it’s one of my favorite movies. The characters are interesting & it raises some perplexing questions about the nature of relationships between men & women. I know a lot of people will be grossed out just by the title Kissing Cousins & what that implies but I can assure you the point of this movie isn’t that cousins should hook up or get married. I guess what I really like about this movie is that it reinforces the idea that the best romantic relationships are grounded in friendship which is something our society still doesn’t totally grasp. (And also if you decide to get drunk, be careful who you do it with.) How many times have you heard girls say “Well, he’s cute & he’s my friend but we could never date.” I always want to slap someone when I hear this. Are these people even listening to themselves & how ridiculous they sound? I know it is possible to be friends with someone of the opposite sex & have absolutely no attraction to them whatsoever but honestly that is rare. Usually there is some sort of chemistry there . . . It’s just human nature, it’s ok, & it doesn’t mean anything HAS to happen between you especially if one or both of you aren’t single.  I often hear people say relationships are so complicated which is interesting because just the other day my husband said exactly the opposite to me. I thought about it for a minute & I agreed with him. Relationships really don’t have to be that complicated if they are grounded in friendship. Of course life is complicated & that can affect things.  In any case, this film is just an interesting look at relationships & the chemistry between people. And I for one love movies that make you stop & think a bit, that challenge your ideas of right/wrong. I highly recommend it if you’re looking for something a bit “off beat” to watch this weekend. Cheers!

What’s Wrong With Modern Women


I just finished reading an exceedingly entertaining book (How to Be a Woman by Caitlin Moran) which also managed to be very thought-provoking.  I highly recommend it to everyone unless you are sensitive to what most people consider foul language or blunt conversation about female anatomy.  Actually if you are one of those people you probably would benefit the most from this book as it turns out, but I digress.  In any case, my favorite part of this book was when the author pointed out some serious flaws with modern feminine society, all of which are things I have often pondered myself.  I love it when I find that my own brilliant ideas aren’t so crazy after all!  Other people are writing books about these things!  I am not insane after all!  Hallelujah!

Weddings

The first of those things that modern society has gotten totally wrong is weddings.  Don’t misunderstand me here: I love weddings!  I think marriage is wonderful though I also realize that it isn’t for everyone & I’m totally ok with that.  But common sense, which is obviously not so common or else I wouldn’t be writing this, dictates that spending an average of > $20,000 on one single day is INSANE.

wedding-spoons

Ever since I was a child I’ve also been offended by the idea that a woman’s wedding day is naturally the best day of her life.  I loved my wedding day & I’ll gladly admit it was a great day which I will always remember with a smile. However, the idea that it was the BEST day of my life is frankly depressing.  How I can possibly ignore the not-so-subtle implication that everything that follows will never measure up to that one glorious day?  I don’t think I’ll ever claim any one day as the best day of my life because that implies that everything else isn’t as good.  To me a good life is made up of lots of wonderful days filled with simple joys & quiet triumphs.

But back to the original subject of the over-priced outrageous weddings that have somehow become the norm in our society.  Again common sense dictates that the insane amount of money spent on weddings would be much better spent on something that actually LASTS, for example a house that you can live in for years after the wedding.  Considering that most people buy a house &/or start a family within a few years of getting married, does it make sense to spend what money you have one an event that lasts ONE day or worse yet to get into debt over it?  The answer of course is a resounding NO!

Now if you are “blessed” enough to come from a family who can afford to spend a small fortune on a wedding without making a dent in the family finances, then have at it.  I still find the idea fairly silly but that is just me.  But most of us cannot afford these lavish weddings & it’s ridiculous to continue to conform to societal pressure to have an expensive wedding just because it’s “what everyone else is doing.”  I’m not saying you should give up on all of your “dream wedding” ideas but please realize that no one cares half as much about all the details of this day as you do.  Do you think anyone is going to go home & scrutinize the centerpieces from your reception or the wedding favors?  Uh, no.  And if they do they have WAYYYY too much time on their hands.  Get real, folks.  I’m not saying you can’t have fun planning your wedding.  Sure you can!  But just remember that after the day is over, THAT IS IT!  Do you really want to start your marriage financially strapped because of an expensive wedding?  Marriage can be stressful enough, so why add financial worries to the pile?  And if your parents are paying for the wedding, consider that they have better things to spend their money on than your wedding day.  Sorry if that sounds harsh but it’s true.  Your parents deserve to spend their hard-earned money on something that lasts longer than a few hours.  The way I see it is if your wedding day is the most important day of your life, you need to reexamine your priorities in life.  Marriage is wonderful and is one of the most important things in life, but marriage isn’t made up of the wedding.  Marriage is made up of the relationship you built before the wedding & the relationship you maintain after it.

Shoes

The second thing women are getting totally wrong these days is shoes.  Ladies, please explain to me why we continue to torture ourselves with those awful devices

called high heels?  Now if some of you honestly find these shoes comfortable, then go right ahead.  But for the rest of you I really don’t want to hear your complaints about how much your feet/back/knees hurt after wearing these ridiculous shoes!  No one is forcing you to wear stilettos.

stilettosThank God the days of women being expected to wear such shoes are over.  Besides that, ask any reasonable man & most of them will tell you that heels are not that sexy!  I hate to break it to you but shoes cannot drastically change your appearance.  If your legs look fat in regular shoes, they are still going to look fat in heels.  Odds are your legs don’t even look fat in the first place, but you just think they do because we’ve been conditioned to think anything that isn’t a bird leg is fat, but that is a whole different discussion right there.

So really, girls, why is that is almost every woman these days owns > 20 pairs of shoes (I’m just guessing here but that has to be about right), many of which are never actually worn or if they are worn are so uncomfortable as to make you wonder what the heck you were thinking when you put bought them?  Why are we spending hundreds of dollars on expensive heels for weddings & other events when we often cast them aside at the first possible chance because our feet are screaming “Let me out!!!”?  Please, someone tell me what the logic is here because I am not getting it.  Now maybe I am just bitter because my size 9-10 feet often do not fit in the cute shoes because those shoes aren’t even made in my size.  But frankly I find most of today’s shoes ugly anyway & besides that I have never seen the logic in sacrificing comfort for fashion.  I’m not saying I am going to wear yoga pants to a wedding, but I refuse to ever wear anything that literally HURTS me just to look good.  The way I see it is if a man only finds me attractive because of my shoes, then he has some serious issues & I don’t need him anyway.  As my dear husband so often points out, the last thing a man is interested in is your FEET.  Feet just aren’t that sexy on anyone.

Purses

coach bag

On to the third subject: handbags!  Now I understand that some women find purses legitimately interesting but I have just never seen the logic in spending hundreds of dollars on something to put my money in!  Acck, that is just so contradictory that it hurts my brain.  I really hate to offend anyone, but honestly can you blame men for disrespecting the female gender when we willingly spend HUNDREDS of dollars on ONE purse just because it’s Coach or Kate Spade or whatever?  I know I am hopelessly lost in the fashion world, but I have looked at these purses.  Really I have.  I have honestly tried to see if there is something special about them that justifies the insane prices women pay for these things.  And what I have found is that these purses are just normal purses!  They might be made of slightly better material than the handbags found at Wal-Mart.  But not that much better!  I’ve grown up a lot over the past few years & I can honestly say that I am now willing to spend $30-$40 on Gap Jeans because they legitimately are better made & are much more flattering on me than the $20 jeans at Wal-Mart.  But the price difference there is manageable.  $400 on a purse is just insane, ladies!  It’s a PURSE!  If you can’t see the problem here, I think you need to reevaluate what’s important in your life.  I personally refuse to be manipulated by marketing into thinking that I must have some expensive Coach bag to complete me as a woman.  I don’t need any such accessory.  Trust me, no man is going to care what kind of purse you’re carrying unless it’s made of cat fur or something creepy like that.  And if you’re worried that other women will not respect you or find you “cool” if you refuse to buy these overpriced handbags, then you need to find some new friends.

Now please understand this diatribe is filled with a lot of sarcasm & is intended to be humerous but also thought-provoking.  With that in mind, feel free to share your opinions on these matters.  🙂