If there is one thing I’ve been known for my whole life, outside of being “smart,” it’s being kind, empathetic, & a good listener. Well, let me just say that the last week has been a real test on all of those characteristics that I am indeed quite proud to be known for. Why, you may ask?
Well, as if the world isn’t screwed up enough these days, in the past week I’ve found out about not one, not two, but THREE men from my hometown, all within six years of my age, who have been arrested for sex crimes. And not just any sex crimes but sex crimes against CHILDREN- victims younger than thirteen in some cases!! One of them I did not know at all, another I knew only in passing from school, but the other I worked with many years ago & never once would have suspected he’d commit such an atrocity. There’s really nothing more I can say about this issue because what is there to say in the face of such evil? Words are insufficient.
So, on to the next crap:
As if that news weren’t already sending my brain into whiplash, I also found out about multiple people my age (give or take a couple years) from my hometown being arrested for drugs or being sent to rehab for drugs- AGAIN. I’d be lying if I said any of this truly surprises me. The sad fact is it doesn’t anymore. But because I am constantly seeing the best in others & wishing them well, it never ceases to disappoint me. I have no trouble being empathic with the folks I work with who are struggling with addiction (that includes alcoholism because that is frankly no different or better than illicit drugs in my mind), but I don’t have to see those people outside of work. I don’t know their families. I don’t have to see the pain they’re causing their loved ones (well, maybe a little- but not outside of a professional setting).
But these guys I grew up with who can’t (or won’t) conquer their addictions despite being fathers & husbands? I’m speaking directly to y’all now, even though I’m sure you’ll never read this. The truth is- y’all are testing my empathy. Actually, here’s the full ugly truth. Most of y’all were bullies in school, to me & to others, & I suspect most of y’all are still bullies to this day. Thus, is there a small part of me that enjoys knowing y’all aren’t exactly living your best lives now? That my mom’s prediction that you’d hit your peak in high school & everything else would be downhill from there appears to be coming true? The truth is yes, there is a small part of me that enjoys seeing karma do her work. BUT that isn’t the full picture.
You see, I am not a bitter person. I could never let anyone who’s hurt me have that much power over me. So the greater part of me (both in size & in virtue) is heartbroken to see that y’all are still falling prey to these addictions. No one self destructs on an island. If that were the case, I’d be a lot less heartbroken over this. But that isn’t how life works. Y’all aren’t just hurting yourselves- you’re hurting your parents, your wives, your ex wives or other women who are the mothers of your children, & most importantly you’re hurting your CHILDREN. And many of your children are old enough to know what’s going on now! They’re not oblivious babies or toddlers. Not that that would make it ok. It’s never ok. But it’s that much worse when they’re old enough to comprehend the situation.
As if that weren’t bad enough, some of y’all are out here preaching family values & Bible verses, worrying about the “LGBTQ agenda,” all while causing God knows how much pain to your families & loved ones thanks to your continued drug use. The hypocrisy is astounding. I don’t want to hear one word about family values from the likes of y’all until you get your own houses in order.
And yes, I know the science behind addiction & how it changes your brain. I know that it does things to your mind & body that I can’t even begin to understand because I’ve never experienced it (my strongest addiction is Diet Pepsi). But I also know that people can & do recover. If Nikki Sixx survived 1987 (& he did & has been sober for decades), you guys can absolutely get it together before it’s too late. But you have to WANT it. I’d love to say you should do it for your wives or your kids, but the truth is you have to do it for YOU. That’s the only way real change happens & actually lasts. The reality is we have sailed right past thirty & are approaching forty. There is no time to lose. I like to think that no one is irredeemable & that it’s never too late to change, but the longer you wait, the more damage you cause– damage you can’t just erase like a poorly done drawing on a blackboard. The truth is you can run headlong into drugs or alcohol like you’ve done for years but you can never escape yourself. As a book I just read said “You are NOT what happened to you. You are what you do next. You turn around, you face it, & you fix it. Or you’ll be running… until the day you die.” (Thank you, Abby Jimenez, for those very wise words!) And sometimes “what happened to you” is the bad choices you’ve made- & maybe those choices were made because of your own trauma. But you still made those choices. Thus you still have to face the consequences.
I’m not really sure why I’m writing this because the guys I’m talking about surely won’t read it. Y’all have always been far too cool to care what I’d think anyway. But maybe someone else who needs to hear this will read it, whether that’s another person struggling with addiction or the loved one of someone doing so. If drugs only hurt the people who used them, what a different world it would be. But they don’t. They tear apart families & friendships, even entire towns. So whether you’re the addict or the loved one of someone who is, remember that quote: “You are NOT what happened to you. You are what you do next. You turn around, you face it, & you fix it. Or you’ll be running… until the day you die.” But you HAVE to take accountability, you have to change your surroundings, you have to make different choices. Or you will always end up in the same miserable places.
I know every town has been blighted by addiction these days. It’s just part of life, as it always has been, though it’s heightened now by the availability of meth & opioids. But I take it a lot more personally when I see it in my hometown. Yes, I know I haven’t lived there since I was a teenager, but that doesn’t mean I stopped caring. That doesn’t mean I stopped wishing people well. The truth is I love nothing better than a good redemption story. I love nothing more than seeing people succeed after facing addiction or other major life obstacles. So as much as I’ll never forget some of the hateful things some of you guys said to me & other folks years ago, as much as I don’t strictly “like” y’all, I’d still love to see y’all succeed. I’d love to see y’all step up & actually live the family values you’re preaching. I want your families to be healed & not have to watch you self destruct over & over again. But YOU have to want that too. No one else, not even your wives & children who love you dearly, can do it for you.
I know I’m writing this to clear my own conscience more than anything else. I’d be lying if I said otherwise. But if by some incredible chance someone who needs to read this actually does, here’s some tough love. GET IT TOGETHER. BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.
athicketofmusings 