Author: rlcarterrn

Best Songs of 2025


It’s that time of year- time for my annual best of the year posts for music! As always, I remind my readers that I am by no means a professional music reviewer or journalist & that because of my own musical preferences these lists will always be strongly biased toward rock/metal.

This post will serve to recognize my favorite songs of 2025 that are strictly singles (not part of any album) or that are part of albums that didn’t make my best albums list (that post is forthcoming). Some of my favorites have been purposely omitted because I know they will feature on 2026 albums that are sure to land on my best albums list for next year (e.g. Silent Divide by Alter Bridge, Hallelujah by Black Veil Brides).

THESE ARE IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER.

We’ll start off with my favorites COLLABORATIONS for the year.

  • The Fountain by Bernth/Brandon Acker: I owe a massive thanks to Jared Dines (YouTuber extraordinaire) for introducing me to both of these extremely talented gentlemen via his Jam House series. Bernth is an Austrian guitarist who moved to L.A. this year & is mainly known for metal guitar. Brandon Acker is from Wisconsin & is a true classical guitarist, who is also a master of several very old-fashioned plucked instruments such as the theorbo (thank you, Brandon, for introducing me to such a cool instrument!). These two are both absolute masters of their craft as is evidenced by the fact that they wrote this piece together in a very impromptu fashion, & the recording you hear here is literally only their second time playing it. Absolute geniuses, both of them! And the mutual respect they have for each other is a joy to behold. Even just watching their hands is entertaining. //www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGlO3-eBgOQ&list=RDyGlO3-eBgOQ&start_radio=1
  • Bite My Tongue by Halocene ft Lucas Woodland (of Holding Absence): I had heard of Halocene for years but only just got into them this year when I saw them open for Fame on Fire back in April. Since then they have released two fantastic collabs. This one also has a great video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwuJdrzqrSA&list=RDYwuJdrzqrSA&start_radio=1
  • Euphoria by Halocene ft Bryan Kuznitz (of Fame on Fire): The second of the aforementioned Halocene collabs, this one features Bryan from Fame on Fire, with whom, as I said, they toured earlier this year. Though Halocene do some amazing covers, their original music is also phenomenal & they deserve so much more credit than they get. Beyond their musical abilities, I really admire that Addie & Brad have continued to work together so well despite their divorce. When I saw them in April & even met them after the show, I actually had no idea they were no longer together. That speaks to how well they have handled the dissolution of their romantic relationship without allowing the band to dissolve. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-pOWioa3uo&list=RDv-pOWioa3uo&start_radio=1
  • End of You by Poppy/Courtney LaPlante/Amy Lee: With three fantastic lead vocalists, there was never any doubt that this collab would be amazing. And we were not left disappointed. Having said that, ideally I would have liked a little more of Courtney’s screams, but hey, maybe they can do another one featuring her more prominently (this one is definitely more Amy). This has a great music video as well. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rS83uI0Wak&list=RD3rS83uI0Wak&start_radio=1
  • Break the Silence by Nevertel/Sleep Theory: This is a true band collab- it’s not just lead vocalist Cullen Moore from Sleep Theory who is featured here- it’s ALL of Sleep Theory. Fun video too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qcp17QPN72Q&list=RDQcp17QPN72Q&start_radio=1
  • God Is A Weapon by Falling in Reverse ft Marilyn Manson: If you follow Ronnie Radke, you probably saw this one coming, as he had been teasing pictures of himself & Manson for a while before this song debuted. Yes, they are both controversial artists whom no one is under any obligation to support, but viewed objectively, it’s impossible to deny the talent they both have. Ronnie’s falsettos have never sounded so insane (in a good way). This is a what I call a slow burn- the song honestly feels more like a Manson song than a FIR song up until the end. Furthermore, on first listen I was kind of lukewarm about it but after a few more listens I fell deeply in love. Also, can we talk about how good Manson looks & sounds now that he’s several years sober? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqJurrQKNdE&list=RDxqJurrQKNdE&start_radio=1
  • Never Met Anyone Like You by Ella Langley ft Hardy: This is one cleverly written country song. It starts out sounding like a love song. I won’t spoil it for you if you don’t know it, but let’s just say there is definitely a twist here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdLcgh6NYUI&list=RDFdLcgh6NYUI&start_radio=1
  • Teeth Marks by Keith Wallen ft Haley Roughton (of Gore): Keith Wallen is best known as one of the guitarists of Breaking Benjamin (before that he was with Adelitas Way). However, he also releases his own solo music. This song featuring Haley from the band Gore is particularly great. Haley’s voice is epic, so basically anything she touches is gold. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auThnhvmIiQ&list=RDauThnhvmIiQ&start_radio=1
  • My Only Angel by Aerosmith ft Yungblud: Talk about a catchy piece, this one will get stuck in your head in no time. Yungblud was the perfect addition to make Aerosmith sound fresh & young again. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74mV9qwlCgg&list=RD74mV9qwlCgg&start_radio=1
  • Weirdo by The Rasmus ft Lee Jennings (of The Funeral Portrait): I have TFP to thank for introducing me to the Finnish band The Rasmus, as The Rasmus were one of the openers for TFP on TFP’s headlining show that I saw in Greensboro in May of this year (easily one of the best nights of my life). Considering TFP has a song called Stay Weird (one of my all time favorites), Lee was the perfect feature for this song. What’s also really cool is that The Rasmus have now brought TFP out as an opener on their own headlining tour across Europe. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyztNT2OEGA&list=RDDyztNT2OEGA&start_radio=1
  • The End of Us by TX2 ft Andy Biersack (of Black Veil Brides): TX2 has had a similar trajectory to Andy’s BVB in the sense of being someone that people either absolutely love or absolutely hate. It’s perhaps been even more vicious of an experience for TX2 due to the proliferation of social media. In any case, it warms my heart to see Andy supporting TX2 in this brilliant collab. Their voices mix perfectly. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt8XWy-1dWo&list=RDqt8XWy-1dWo&start_radio=1

Next up the singles, again in no particular order (other than the first five).

  • The Girl You Left by Jordan Rainer: I had the great serendipity to discover Jordan Rainer through Instagram this year- sometimes those suggested posts actually get it right! I am very picky about country music but Jordan’s is exactly the kind I love. This was easily my most played song of the year, on multiple platforms. While Jordan has been very open about this being a divorce anthem inspired by her own life, I relate to it in a very different way. For me it’s about the conservative Christian culture I grew up in & how I feel abandoned by that culture. Perhaps it’s more accurate to say that I left that culture than that it left me, but the point remains the same- I’m not the girl I once was & I am so proud of that. It’s an absolute crime that this song isn’t wildly popular because it is SO. DAMN. GOOD. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3Etale0pLM&list=RDQ3Etale0pLM&start_radio=1
  • Evergreen & Skinny Lies by The Funeral Portrait: I’ve waxed on & on about this band so many times but I’ll never tire of evangelizing about them & trying to win more devotees to the Coffin Crew. These are both bonus songs that were released with the deluxe addition of the band’s 2024 album, the deluxe edition being released this year. Skinny Lies is heavier & extremely catchy, while Evergreen is more of a ballad & was principally written by guitarist/keyboardist Caleb. The lyrics are very personal to him, & the video which shows various behind the scenes clips of the band has become a favorite of mine. Skinny Lies: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_2w7kEG-60&list=RD2_2w7kEG-60&start_radio=1 & Evergreen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exDJBs3kOYY&list=RDexDJBs3kOYY&start_radio=1
  • Popsicle by Lilith Czar: Formerly known by her legal name Juliet Simms, Lilith has rebranded over the past few years & embraced a grittier side of herself which I absolutely adore. This song is such an empowering piece that reflects on her experiences in the music industry, particularly as a woman in a male-dominated industry. The title of the song reflects a time when a record label wanted her to pose on a popsicle as part of an album or song promo. She refused. But it made great inspiration for this song which showcases both her incredible clean vocals as well as her guttural screams. Lyrics like this cut deep: “I had to let you think I ate out of the palm of your hand/Cause if you had your way/I’d be naked, starved, with nothing to say/Is it really all that you see?/So frozen & weak/I’d be riding on a popsicle in your fever dream/Turn me into something I’m not/A beautiful fraud/I melt in the silence/The payback is violent.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HN8ANpnyiJY&list=RDHN8ANpnyiJY&start_radio=1
  • Pain On A Chain by Speed Of Light: I have The Warning to thank for introducing me to this extremely young but extremely talented band out of southern California. Like The Warning, the band is made up all of siblings. And like The Warning, their talent belies their age. I think the oldest member is 20 years old. So yes, they are YOUNG but they are one of the best live acts I’ve ever seen. Riley’s vocals are nothing short of viciously powerful- in the best possible way. The emotion she manages to convey while also holding it down on bass is very impressive. I was lucky enough to meet the band’s mom at the merch table after the show, & I thanked her for letting her kids travel the country introducing folks like me to such amazing songs. It truly gives me hope in this dark world to see teenagers embracing old school guitar-based music like this. Seriously, CHECK THEM OUT. And never miss the opening band! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q73qTzV2rKM&list=RDq73qTzV2rKM&start_radio=1
  • More Than Hate by Bilmuri: This is the song that finally brought me into the Bilmuri fan club. His former bandmate Caleb Shomo of Beartooth has been singing his praises for years, & now I know why. What a brilliant songwriter/performer Johnny Franck truly is! And his music videos? Oh man, I had been missing out. He somehow makes the simplest, lowest budget ideas turn into pure magic. A man who never takes himself too seriously but takes his music very seriously, this is a guy to watch for sure. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzONJQRHtj0&list=RDBzONJQRHtj0&start_radio=1
  • Undertow by Twist It: I have Octane to think for introducing me to this young band out of Philadelphia. This one is an instant ear worm that never gets old. Side note, I love that the singer isn’t afraid to just be herself & wear her glasses. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fu0me4168zs&list=RDFu0me4168zs&start_radio=1
  • Ain’t Enough Cowboy Songs by Ashley McBryde: Switch up- time for a country song! The fiddle really adds to the sad note of this piece. It’s absolutely perfect in every way. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eg3q7jcDWrQ&list=RDeg3q7jcDWrQ&start_radio=1
Lacuna Coil during Wacken Open Air at The Holy Wacken Land, Wacken, Schleswig-Holstein, Germany on 2022-08-05, Photo: Sven Mandel
  • Behelit by Slaughter To Prevail: The combination of orchestral parts with Alex’s insane growls is astonishing. Need I say more? I think not. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Cz-GLCQ1I0&list=RD0Cz-GLCQ1I0&start_radio=1
  • Fade Out by Kami Kehoe: Like so many other artists, I found Kami thanks to Octane. What a gorgeously haunting & powerful voice she has. I look forward to hearing more from her. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pJNX4tCmc0&list=RD0pJNX4tCmc0&start_radio=1
  • 2 Liter Spite by Point North: Let me be brutally honest- the first time I saw this come on Octane, I read Spite as Sprite & thought “How dumb is that, naming a song after a bottle of soda? Please.” HOWEVER, once I actually heard the song a few times, I couldn’t help but love it. Then I realized I was the one in the wrong because the title is 2 Liter SPITE, not Sprite. Ha!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDgfIqEDMTs&list=RDBDgfIqEDMTs&start_radio=1
  • Why by Plush: Plush absolutely nailed the state of the world when Moriah sings “Every time I open my eye/I bear witness to the endless suffering/Horrified by the monsters we’ve become/I’m beginning to realize/We’re a cancer consuming everything/Doing damage that cannot be undone/Oh/And I don’t know why/We’re allowed to survive/And I don’t know why we’re alive/Tell me, why/And I don’t know why/Our humanity has died.” Indeed, when I read the news, when I see the heartless comments people leave on social media, that’s exactly what I ask myself… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkvS2ktr3Do&list=RDpkvS2ktr3Do&start_radio=1
  • Dead Throne by Arankai: This is the solo project of Oscar, the bassist & harsh vocalist for Archers. I hope he doesn’t leave Archers but this song definitely proves he has lead singer energy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2Jsbg7pm6E&list=RDA2Jsbg7pm6E&start_radio=1
  • The Spell by Mammoth: For those who aren’t aware, Mammoth is the project of Wolfgang Van Halen, son of none other than Eddie Van Halen. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree, as this song proves. Wolfgang writes & performs all the parts on his albums: guitars, vocals, drums, bass- you name it, he does it. This is definitely a guy I need to see live. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIP20TMlOHs&list=RDQIP20TMlOHs&start_radio=1
  • Caramel by Sleep Token: Ok, ok, I’ve finally gotten into Sleep Token- sort of. I know that many of my favorite bands & most of my fellow metalheads love this band, but for some reason I just have a hard time with them. Objectively I respect their talent but I simply haven’t vibed with them the way most people do. Having said that, this song is definitely pure magic. The music box motif at the beginning is brilliant, especially since it returns at the end- after the unexpected black metal ish breakdown. I knew the song was about the band’s complicated relationship with fame, but at first I was confused by the title of the song. However, then I saw someone explain it like this (I’m paraphrasing): everyone loves the sweet taste of caramel but no one likes the sticky residue it leaves behind on your hands. Brilliant! With lyrics like this, I can’t deny the genius of this song: “The sweetest dreams are bitter/But there’s no one left to tell/Too young to get bitter over it all/Too old to retaliate like before/Too blessed to be caught ungrateful, I know/So I’ll keep dancing along to the rhythm/This stage is a prison, a beautiful nightmare/A war of attrition, I’ll take what I’m given/The deepest incisions, I thought I got better/But maybe I didn’t.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iSvoQNfrrk&list=RD4iSvoQNfrrk&start_radio=1

As soon as I post this, I’m sure I’m going to think of songs I forgot. But for now, those are my choices for best songs of the year. It was truly an excellent year for music, so there was much to choose from. Be sure to stay tuned for my upcoming post re best albums of the year!

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I Am The Strong Willed Child, & I Am Not Sorry


Yesterday, the news was announced that James Dobson has died. If you aren’t familiar with him, he was the founder & spokesman of Focus On The Family, a right wing organization that used (& still uses) the guise of Christianity to espouse racism, sexism, anti-immigrant sentiment, homophobia, & even out right abuse (among other things). I grew up hearing Dobson’s voice on the family radio almost every day of my childhood & adolescence. I was well versed in the theories of his infamous book The Strong Willed Child. Even as a child I was disturbed by some of these ideas but of course I was not in a climate in which I could express that. This was the evangelical world of the rural South. The Bible was (& is) the law of the land. It was (& is) taken literally & declared to be 100% divinely inspired. To question Dobson was to question God himself.

Before I go further, I want to clarify that I love my parents. I truly believe they did what they thought was best & I am very grateful for many things they taught me. I am also grateful they didn’t follow ALL of Dobson’s teachings, or at least not to the most extreme measure. Today’s post is not about them. It’s about Dobson & the greater culture he promulgated.

It’s ironic that Dobson has died now because just in the past few weeks I’ve been realizing how much his teachings shaped my childhood, not just because of my own family but because of the cultural landscape he created in which my family existed. Furthermore, I’ve come to see just how incredibly evil this man truly was. He laid the groundwork for the modern Christian Nationalist movement. He paved the way for Trump’s presidency & the Religious Right not just accepting but actually revering someone who as a child I would have sworn they’d crucify. Furthermore, I’ve done a deep dive & realized he was strongly influenced by & tied to a eugenicist named Paul Popenoe. Yeah, Dobson managed to bury that one for a while but it’s coming to light now!

If you want to read more on this, I highly recommend Stephanie Jo Warren’s Instagram/Substack which is so aptly named A Crack in the Stained Glass/The Strong Willed Child (https://substack.com/@thestrongwilledchild). When I read her pieces, her words resonate with me in ways that anyone not raised in this kind of Christianity will probably never understand. She says everything I want to say & more, & in a far more eloquent way than I’m capable of at this point in time. For YEARS I’ve been trying to figure out how people who preach compassion & the love of Jesus so frequently support a man who is the very antithesis of that. See the quote from Warren below that so eloquently explains this baffling phenomenon. Interestingly, she posted this just two days ago, the day before Dobson died….

  • “We often wonder when we see the latest headlines, “How can those who say they love Jesus dehumanize & mistreat others?’ The answer is straightforward. James Dobson educated a generation of parents on how to systematically dehumanize their own children. If you can dehumanize your own child, it becomes easier to dehumanize anyone else.” ~ Stephanie Jo Warren

Because Warren, John Pavlovitz (https://johnpavlovitz.com/), & I’m sure many others have done such a great job of calling out Dobson & his ilk, I’m not going to try to replicate their work. What I am going to do is reclaim the term strong willed child for myself. You see, I was a strong willed child. At least for a time. I’ll admit I caved for a while & chose the path of least resistance. But as an adult, & by that I mean from the time I went to college at 18 till now (18 yrs later), that strong will that was supposed to be evil, that was supposed to be suppressed until I caved to Dobson’s version of what I should be, has persisted. And it is the very reason I am who I am today. So here’s a brief list of all the things I have accomplished or done because I am the proverbial strong willed child.

  • Because of my strong will, I donated blood for the first time at 18 (while still in high school). Most kids were too scared but I was so excited to finally be able to follow in my aunt’s footsteps as a blood donor. I have kept it up my entire adult life. By the end of this year (or very early next year) I should hit my 40th life time donation. I have always donated alone. I have never needed a friend or family member for support. My strong will has helped me face the needles without fear.
  • Because of my strong will, I had the strength, starting around 17-18, to question everything I’d ever believed or been taught. And, over the next few years, to decide which parts to keep & which parts to discard. In reality this is a lifelong process (as it should be), but it’s only recently that I’ve realized how brave it was for me to start it so young.
  • Because of my strong will, I graduated nursing school with a 4.0 GPA. Believe me, that wasn’t easy, & honestly that alone hasn’t made me a better nurse. But I was bull-headed enough to strive for it & to achieve it, if for no other reason than to say I set out to do it & I did it. Now, did I feel the need to get all As, even in college, in order to love myself because I saw academic achievement as the main tenet of my own self-worth? Yes. Was this healthy? ABSOLUTELY NOT. But that’s a post for another day…
  • Because of my strong will, I moved to a new city/state with my husband at the ripe old age of 23 &, while I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t initially a major cultural adjustment, over time I have come to feel truly at home here- in a city of half a million people, in a county of over a million people, in one of the most culturally diverse cities in the entire country! Somewhere that is in many ways the antithesis of where I grew up. All the time I hear people from my hometown say they enjoy visiting other places but they always leave ready to go back home. I cannot relate to that at all.
  • Because of my strong will, when I was in college I had the confidence to stand up to a restaurant manager who was harassing me & sexualizing me (verbally) without my consent. I was 20 yrs old & terrified- but it didn’t stop me. Incidentally, after I called him out on his behavior, we actually got along & I was sorry when he left a few months later for another restaurant.
  • Because of my strong will, I have become friends with people from groups I was told were going to hell simply for existing. (Ok, to be fair, evangelicals think we’re all going to hell simply for existing but they harp on certain “sins” a lot more than others). I have become an ally when I “should” have been the opposite.
  • Because of my strong will, I have used Duo Lingo almost daily for about 8 years now in an effort to learn Spanish & better serve my Spanish-speaking patients. It has been very effective. No one asked me to do this. I do it because I want to & because I care.
  • Because of my strong will, I have advocated for my patients, even when it means questioning doctors or hospital systems. Furthermore I advocate for myself & my coworkers, especially those who are more reticent & unwilling or unable to advocate for themselves.
  • Because of my strong will, I have never tried drugs, smoked, drank heavily (I actually don’t drink at all anymore), or been addicted to anything stronger than Diet Pepsi.
  • Because of my strong will (& his), my husband I have learned how to apologize to each other as well as to our daughter when we inevitably make mistakes. She has quickly learned how to apologize to us too. We are raising a child who knows she can ask us or tell us anything.
  • Because of my strong will, I know how to love those who think, believe, & act very differently than I do. I don’t see the existence of those different than I am as a threat. I know how to forgive. I know how to put myself in someone else’s shoes, to have compassion for those who aren’t the “perfect victim,” to realize the world is so much more than just my experiences or the experiences of those who look/feel like I do.
  • Because of my strong will, I have learned to love myself. It’s a daily battle, believe me, but I no longer seek the approval of others. Is there a wounded child inside of me who would still love to have approval from certain people? Absolutely. We all have that wounded child inside of us, no matter how wonderful our parents were/are. It’s just part of life. But I am not longer waiting around for things I can’t control. I am aware that there are people who will read this & think my parents should be ashamed of how I turned out. I am no longer concerned about that. If anyone thinks the list above makes me a bad person, then I will happily wear that label.

Honestly the worst “sin” on this list might be the last one. Those who are still following Dobson’s teachings are never happy when they realize they no longer hold any sway over you. After all, the scariest thing to the conservative world (whether evangelical, Mormon, Islamic, etc) is a woman who thinks for herself & isn’t afraid to speak up. Well, that is exactly what this strong willed child has grown up to be. I will never apologize for who I’ve become because Dobson may no longer be on this Earth but his legacy is sadly still alive & well, & I for one will continue to fight the good fight to heal the damage he has caused. So yes, I am a strong willed child. And no, I am not sorry.

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To My Friends With Addiction: My Empathy Is Waning


If there is one thing I’ve been known for my whole life, outside of being “smart,” it’s being kind, empathetic, & a good listener. Well, let me just say that the last week has been a real test on all of those characteristics that I am indeed quite proud to be known for. Why, you may ask?

Well, as if the world isn’t screwed up enough these days, in the past week I’ve found out about not one, not two, but THREE men from my hometown, all within six years of my age, who have been arrested for sex crimes. And not just any sex crimes but sex crimes against CHILDREN- victims younger than thirteen in some cases!! One of them I did not know at all, another I knew only in passing from school, but the other I worked with many years ago & never once would have suspected he’d commit such an atrocity. There’s really nothing more I can say about this issue because what is there to say in the face of such evil? Words are insufficient.

So, on to the next crap:

As if that news weren’t already sending my brain into whiplash, I also found out about multiple people my age (give or take a couple years) from my hometown being arrested for drugs or being sent to rehab for drugs- AGAIN. I’d be lying if I said any of this truly surprises me. The sad fact is it doesn’t anymore. But because I am constantly seeing the best in others & wishing them well, it never ceases to disappoint me. I have no trouble being empathic with the folks I work with who are struggling with addiction (that includes alcoholism because that is frankly no different or better than illicit drugs in my mind), but I don’t have to see those people outside of work. I don’t know their families. I don’t have to see the pain they’re causing their loved ones (well, maybe a little- but not outside of a professional setting).

But these guys I grew up with who can’t (or won’t) conquer their addictions despite being fathers & husbands? I’m speaking directly to y’all now, even though I’m sure you’ll never read this. The truth is- y’all are testing my empathy. Actually, here’s the full ugly truth. Most of y’all were bullies in school, to me & to others, & I suspect most of y’all are still bullies to this day.  Thus, is there a small part of me that enjoys knowing y’all aren’t exactly living your best lives now? That my mom’s prediction that you’d hit your peak in high school & everything else would be downhill from there appears to be coming true? The truth is yes, there is a small part of me that enjoys seeing karma do her work. BUT that isn’t the full picture.

You see, I am not a bitter person. I could never let anyone who’s hurt me have that much power over me. So the greater part of me (both in size & in virtue) is heartbroken to see that y’all are still falling prey to these addictions. No one self destructs on an island. If that were the case, I’d be a lot less heartbroken over this. But that isn’t how life works. Y’all aren’t just hurting yourselves- you’re hurting your parents, your wives, your ex wives or other women who are the mothers of your children, & most importantly you’re hurting your CHILDREN. And many of your children are old enough to know what’s going on now! They’re not oblivious babies or toddlers. Not that that would make it ok. It’s never ok. But it’s that much worse when they’re old enough to comprehend the situation.

As if that weren’t bad enough, some of y’all are out here preaching family values & Bible verses, worrying about the “LGBTQ agenda,” all while causing God knows how much pain to your families & loved ones thanks to your continued drug use. The hypocrisy is astounding. I don’t want to hear one word about family values from the likes of y’all until you get your own houses in order.

And yes, I know the science behind addiction & how it changes your brain. I know that it does things to your mind & body that I can’t even begin to understand because I’ve never experienced it (my strongest addiction is Diet Pepsi). But I also know that people can & do recover. If Nikki Sixx survived 1987 (& he did & has been sober for decades), you guys can absolutely get it together before it’s too late. But you have to WANT it. I’d love to say you should do it for your wives or your kids, but the truth is you have to do it for YOU. That’s the only way real change happens & actually lasts. The reality is we have sailed right past thirty & are approaching forty. There is no time to lose. I like to think that no one is irredeemable & that it’s never too late to change, but the longer you wait, the more damage you cause– damage you can’t just erase like a poorly done drawing on a blackboard. The truth is you can run headlong into drugs or alcohol like you’ve done for years but you can never escape yourself. As a book I just read said “You are NOT what happened to you. You are what you do next. You turn around, you face it, & you fix it. Or you’ll be running… until the day you die.” (Thank you, Abby Jimenez, for those very wise words!) And sometimes “what happened to you” is the bad choices you’ve made- & maybe those choices were made because of your own trauma. But you still made those choices. Thus you still have to face the consequences.

I’m not really sure why I’m writing this because the guys I’m talking about surely won’t read it. Y’all have always been far too cool to care what I’d think anyway. But maybe someone else who needs to hear this will read it, whether that’s another person struggling with addiction or the loved one of someone doing so. If drugs only hurt the people who used them, what a different world it would be. But they don’t. They tear apart families & friendships, even entire towns. So whether you’re the addict or the loved one of someone who is, remember that quote: “You are NOT what happened to you. You are what you do next. You turn around, you face it, & you fix it. Or you’ll be running… until the day you die.” But you HAVE to take accountability, you have to change your surroundings, you have to make different choices. Or you will always end up in the same miserable places.

Drug Addiction Quotes, 101 Sobriety Quotes, Inspirational Sobriety Quotes, & Proud Of Your Sobriety Quotes

I know every town has been blighted by addiction these days. It’s just part of life, as it always has been, though it’s heightened now by the availability of meth & opioids. But I take it a lot more personally when I see it in my hometown. Yes, I know I haven’t lived there since I was a teenager, but that doesn’t mean I stopped caring. That doesn’t mean I stopped wishing people well. The truth is I love nothing better than a good redemption story. I love nothing more than seeing people succeed after facing addiction or other major life obstacles. So as much as I’ll never forget some of the hateful things some of you guys said to me & other folks years ago, as much as I don’t strictly “like” y’all, I’d still love to see y’all succeed. I’d love to see y’all step up & actually live the family values you’re preaching. I want your families to be healed & not have to watch you self destruct over & over again. But YOU have to want that too. No one else, not even your wives & children who love you dearly, can do it for you.

I know I’m writing this to clear my own conscience more than anything else. I’d be lying if I said otherwise. But if by some incredible chance someone who needs to read this actually does, here’s some tough love. GET IT TOGETHER. BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.

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The Mysterious Appeal of Morgan Wallen

FILE - In this June 5, 2019, file photo, Morgan Wallen arrives at the CMT Music Awards on at the Bridgestone Arena in Nashville, Tenn. Wallen has been arrested after police say he threw a chair off the rooftop of a newly opened six-story bar in downtown Nashville. Wallen, 30, was booked into jail early Monday, April 8, 2024 on three felony counts of reckless endangerment and one misdemeanor count of disorderly conduct, Metro Nashville Police tweeted. (AP Photo/Sanford Myers, File)

If you’ve been following this blog for a while or know me in real life, then you should know that I’m anything but a trend follower. Half the time I’m not even aware of what the latest trends ARE, be they fashion, music, TV, or anything else. However, one trend I am aware of is country singer Morgan Wallen. To be fair, at this point I guess he isn’t even a trend anymore because he’s been famous long enough to be an established part of the genre. As I’ve said, I can’t be arsed to follow most trends myself, but I do find the psychology behind them quite fascinating, especially when it comes to music. I may not always LIKE music, TV shows, or other things that become popular in our society but I can usually understand on some level why many other people do.

Morgan Wallen, an American country music artist performs his hit single “Whiskey Glasses” during Freedom Fest, June 28, 2019, at the Iron Horse Park, Fort Carson, Colorado. Freedom Fest was a three day festival featuring carnival rides, food trucks, concerts and fireworks in celebration of Independence Day. (U.S. Army photo by Spc. Robert Vicens)

Taylor Swift & Beyonce are great examples of this. I do enjoy a fair amount of Taylor Swift songs. Pieces like Back to December, All Too Well, & Mean are incredibly well written, timeless songs that anyone should be able to recognize as genius. She’s also well known for paying her employees well & generally being a decent person despite her insane celebrity status. I know less about Beyonce because I don’t follow her genre of music at all, but from what little I’ve heard of her work, she is clearly talented, not to mention gorgeous. So while I may not be a full blown “Swiftie” nor a member of the “Bey Hive,” I can still understand on some level why others are.

But Morgan Wallen’s appeal is a whole other story. I just can’t wrap my mind around it. I’ll confess a couple of years ago I wanted to dismiss him as nothing but white trash, especially after the infamous N word incident from 2021. At that point I didn’t know any of his songs so it was very easy for me to say “Screw him.” A couple of years went by & I happened across his song One Thing At A Time while driving one day. Let me be the first to say I did not WANT to like it. But I couldn’t help myself- I had to admit it was a very well written song! I’ve since heard several others of his, & while I don’t think I’ll ever be a FAN, I have to confess that he IS a good songwriter. His voice is nothing special, if you ask me, but songs like Last Night & I’m the Problem again showcase good songwriting skills.

While good songwriting is ultimately the most important thing for a musician, it takes a lot more than that to be a true STAR. And I guess what I don’t understand is how Morgan Wallen has become exactly that, not just a good songwriter but a STAR. I mean, this is a guy who has been arrested for drunken episodes on multiple different occasions, his most recent being when he threw a chair off of a roof in May 2024. If he were a black guy who did the exact same thing, I have a strong feeling that a large percentage of Wallen’s fanbase would immediately deem him a worthless thug. But somehow Wallen gets a pass… I cannot be the only one thinking this, right? What’s more, it’s not just your typical bro country dudes who love Wallen. Most of the time when I see people sharing his music, it’s actually women! If he were drop dead gorgeous, I’d understand it a little better, but this is a pasty looking white dude with a MULLET. At the risk of sounding superficial, the mullet is the world’s absolute worst haircut & I don’t care how attractive a man is otherwise, a mullet effectively ruins it. And no offence, but Wallen wasn’t exactly attractive to begin with. Of course it’s always possible that my idea of what’s attractive is wildly different than the average woman. So maybe I’m the odd (wo)man out here…

Now, don’t get me wrong- musicians don’t NEED to be attractive. I would just understand Wallen’s mass appeal more if he looked like Spencer Charnas from Ice Nine Kills or Andy Biersack from Black Veil Brides. If y’all aren’t familiar with these two incredibly talented gentleman, who also happen to be decidedly gorgeous, well, do yourselves a favor & look them up right now. (But don’t just look at them- listen to their music too.)

People are fan-girling over this dude- I’m so confused….

Now I’ll be the first to admit that a lot of the musicians I love are far from saints. Many are recovered addicts/alcoholics &, as we all know, people in the throes of addiction/alcoholism frequently do some terrible things. So I’m sure there are people who wonder why I like the stuff I like too, & not just because of previous addiction issues. For example, just this past weekend I saw one of my favorite bands The Funeral Portrait for the first time. It was an eclectic, electrifying show that sent chills down my spine & is still bringing a huge smile to my face days later. But there are plenty of people who might not like them either. I mean this is a band of 5 guys who all wear at least a little bit of makeup, dance & twirl around on stage in decidedly effeminate ways, & 2 of the members even kiss on stage during every show. One of those guys is engaged to a woman & the other has a long term serious girlfriend. So no, they aren’t dating & aren’t even gay. It’s just a thing they do, probably partly because they know it pisses some people off & that just makes them want to do it even more. I personally love that. But there are definitely people who don’t, & I feel sorry for those people in a way because they are missing out on some FANTASTIC music.

That was a bit of an aside, but what I’m getting is that I absolutely do believe in separating the art from the artist. A song can be written by someone who is far from saintly & still be a good song that helps a lot of people. We all have to decide where we want to draw the lines when we find out a musician or artist whose work we like isn’t the best person after all. For some that means never supporting their art ever again. I tend to fall more on the “don’t throw the baby out with the bath water” side, meaning I’ll still listen to the music but I won’t buy concert tickets or merch.

But back to the main subject here- Morgan Wallen. Do I think he is irredeemable because of his past? No. But I find his apologies surrounding his less than flattering incidents to be less than satisfying. And the fact that these things KEEP happening makes me think he’s probably a high functioning alcoholic who is at high risk of eventually ending up in some serious legal trouble. I mean, if a man is comfortable getting drunk & throwing chairs off a building IN PUBLIC, what he is doing at home when there are no cops or security cameras around? Something to think about…

Also, is it just me or has anyone else noticed that a common theme in Wallen’s music is toxic relationships with women? What’s more, in songs like I’m the Problem, despite the misleading title, he seems to be placing all the blame on the woman. Basically constantly making excuses for his own behavior & never owning up to his own issues. I don’t know about y’all but no matter what he looked like, that right there is a decidedly unattractive trait.

Now there are other country musicians whose fame may initially seem puzzling. Take Jelly Roll for example- a big dude with major face tattoos who is a former rapper & is very open about his past in prison. But I get why people like him- I like him too! He’s not a favorite of mine but I definitely respect him & his work. But Morgan Wallen? I just don’t get it, y’all. Clearly he has that IT factor, that je ne sais quoi, that has rocketed him from just another country singer to a true star. But for the life of me I don’t understand it. If y’all have figured it out, feel free to explain it. In the mean time, I’ll go back to The Funeral Portrait.

But damn if I don’t have I’m the Problem intermittently stuck in my head!! Ahhhhh!!!

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Disillusioned Once Again


Warning: this is going to be a brain dump. This will not be my most eloquent post, nor my most uplifting. But there are so many thoughts whizzing around my brain right now that I simply must write or else risk losing my sanity (or what’s left of it).

Here lately I am constantly circling back to this same concept over & over again: I have to stop expecting myself from other people. You see, I’m what’s called an empath or a “highly sensitive” person. And with that comes the ability to self reflect, reexamine long-held beliefs, consider new ideas, & generally remain open minded about life while also being highly sensitive to the feelings & needs of others. As I’ve evolved over the years, the thing I seem to have forgotten is that a lot of folks have not been doing the same. Instead of becoming more open minded, more empathetic, & more self-reflective, a lot of people have done quite the opposite. They’ve stewed in self pity, maximized “in group” thinking, & thus it should come as no surprise that their empathy quotient- at least for anyone different than them- is basically zero.

But, you see, sometimes I forget this. I think “Well, gosh, I’ve changed my mind about so many things because of new evidence & life experiences. Surely others must have done the same.” And that right there is where I am realizing I am 100% WRONG!! Far too many people have not done the inner work to examine why they feel they way they do, why they believe what they do, nor anything of that nature. They may not be happy with where they are but they’re very content. Which is a very dangerous place to be.

I was trying to avoid politics in this post but I no longer feel like I can. The past five to ten years, especially the past five years, have been a real eye-opener for me. I guess it’s proof of white privilege that it took me that long to realize just how many racist people still exist- more specifically how many of them I actually KNOW. And it’s not just about race. It’s the general lack of empathy that I see for anyone who looks or thinks differently that shocks & appalls me on a daily basis. Between Trump’s frequently audacious statements & the open microphone that is social media, people have become very comfortable airing their dirty laundry. I mean, maybe it’s better that way, so we know who to avoid. But it’s hard not to feel like society is unraveling a bit.

Indeed if there’s anything I’ve learned over the past few years it’s that we are not nearly as civilized as we like to think we are. Our brains have not evolved to handle the 24/7 news cycle/information overload that smart phones give us, but even more than that, we simply are not as NICE as we like to think we are. When I was in school learning about slavery, the US Civil Rights era, the Holocaust, & other such atrocities, I was horrified but also vaguely comforted by the notion that we as humanity had evolved beyond such evils, that we’d never have to worry about facing such nightmares come to life again. While on a textbook level I understood how these horrible events happened, I’d never watched it with my own eyes, never heard it with my own ears, so part of me still wondered how these things could have actually happened. Simply put, how could people be so cruel?

Well, friends, I no longer have any doubts. I know exactly how these things happened & I very much fear they may happen again. When you have people constantly hating on those they find “lesser,” blaming other groups for problems that aren’t even vaguely caused by them, it’s very easy to see how hatred takes hold of people &, especially when combined with financial constraints, leads them to view other people as somehow less than human. And it’s nothing short of terrifying.

On a more personal level, I’m also just sick of expecting people to be nicer than they are. I’m not talking about my husband or closest friends or family. I have way too much self respect to tolerate the people closest to me not treating me well. But when it comes to other people, I find that I am often disappointed. So I guess it’s just high time I woke up & realized that other people frequently do not think like me. It sounds so trite but I simply have to stop expecting me from other people. Again, it’s trite but true: “If they wanted to, they would.”

Sigh. I’d like to end this on a happier note but I don’t have the energy right now. I’m sure I’ll feel better after a good night’s rest & getting back to work in the morning (which keeps me busy helping others & not wallowing in self pity). Just know that if you’re finding the world a scary, disappointing place right now, you are 100% not alone.

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Best Albums of 2024


As with my previous post for best songs/singles of 2024, please remember that I am not a professional music reviewer. I do not have the time or ability to listen to every new album that comes out. So yes, these are really just my personal opinion on the things I managed to check out this past year- but that’s all these kind of lists ever really are anyway, right? Ok, enough babbling- enjoy!

  • As Above So Below by Highly Suspect: I think I have to put this one as number one for a couple of reasons. First, I had never gotten into this band before at all. I’d heard of them but knew absolutely nothing about them. So falling in love with this record was totally unexpected. Everything changed when Summertime Voodoo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UP8irm3M9Xc&ab_channel=HighlySuspect) debuted in June. All of a sudden I couldn’t ignore this band any longer. The guitars, Johnny’s soulful voice, just everything about this song felt so right to me. It didn’t take long for me to fall under the spell of Blue Eyed Devil (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4e4vAn-lu8E&ab_channel=HighlySuspect) for the same reasons. After that, I just knew I had to check out the full album. Another reason this one comes as number one for me is because it is truly an album experience. You cannot just listen to one or two songs here & there. You really have to listen to the whole thing, from top to bottom, to experience it the way it’s meant to be experienced. Yes, I know some folks have said the lyrics here leave a lot to be desired, & that’s probably a fair criticism. However, Johnny has been open about writing all the music first & then later writing all the lyrics in a very short space of time. Basically, he used this album as therapy to deal with some very serious issues in his life, & that is exactly why the album feels so incredibly personal. He is literally baring his soul. So yes, it’s messy & complicated at times. But above all else it is DEEPLY EMOTIVE & that is what keeps bringing me back to this album over & over again, even as someone who is not normally a huge blues rock fan (not opposed to it of course, just more of a metalcore chick). The screams in Run For Your Life (More Pills) give me chills every time (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDLBzMw3UO8&ab_channel=HighlySuspect). I was not expecting that the first time I heard it & it was the most glorious surprise. But again, to fully appreciate it, you need to listen to the full album in order. I could go on & on, but I’ll end this by saying that I cannot wait to see Highly Suspect live for the first time in just a few weeks (they’ll be my first show of 2025).
  • Greetings From Suffocate City by The Funeral Portrait: I fell in love with this band the minute I heard Dark Thoughts (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8DP5vhiDTk&ab_channel=BetterNoiseMusic) on Octane in 2023. In fact it was my song of the year that year. I confess I prefer the original version over the one featuring Danny Warsnop that is on this album, but both are fantastic. If you’re not familiar with this band, think a soulful singer, a la Brent Smith of Shine Down, but with the aesthetic of My Chemical Romance. Might sound crazy but trust me, it 100% WORKS. I cannot wait to see them live for the first time next month. But back to the album. Be sure to check out Voodoo Doll (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Esy7QoIzZ5s&ab_channel=BetterNoiseMusic). The version on this album features Amanda from Eva Under Fire. The song is about drug abuse & how it impacts the loved one of those who fall under its spell. This is especially poignant since Amanda lost her dad to the opioid epidemic, & her mom was also an addict but thankfully has recovered. Having her feature on the track makes it even more powerful. I didn’t think I could love anything more than Dark Thoughts but Stay Weird (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4LiERdg3ok&ab_channel=BetterNoiseMusic) might be my new favorite. With lyrics like “Perfect isn’t perfect to me/I’d rather go down with the freaks/Than feast with the kings/Stay weird/Don’t ever fake it/Don’t let them take out your heart/Stay weird/So what, they hate you/Their world can’t contain who you are,” this is exactly the kind of song I wish I’d had 20-25 years ago.
  • Popular Monster by Falling in Reverse: Yeah, yeah, I know Ronnie Radke is a controversial figure but I already have a blog post all about why I still think he’s a genius (https://athicketofmusingsblog.com/2023/02/07/10-reasons-why-ronnie-radke-is-a-genius/), despite some of his antics. And yes, I agree he’s been a little extra off the chain lately, but I suspect that may be due to a breakup with his long term girlfriend (I could be wrong of course). Regardless, it does not take away from the absolute genius of this album. Also, who else but Ronnie would take his mug shot from almost 20 years ago & make it the album cover? Yeah, probably no one. He’s a character alright. Anyway, the title track (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jakpo7tj7Qw&ab_channel=EpitaphRecords) is part of what got me into FIR a few years ago. And yes, that song actually came out 5 years ago at this point, but when the songs (& videos) are on the level that FIR puts out, it’s only fair to take your time finally putting them all together in an album. Prequel (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hX0lhueeib8&ab_channel=EpitaphRecords) hits super heavy with lyrics like “You’re a slave to labor & you praise the fascist/You kiss the hand that takes half in taxes/Faking outrage & being seen, a generation with no self-esteem/It’s time to rise up & stand against them/Break the chains & finally see the vision/We’re post-traumatic from a broken system/Follow me into the chaos engine/It’s time to stand, it’s time to fight/Don’t be afraid to twist the knife/Your sacrifice to break the curse/Prepare to die, prepare to burn/Abandon hope, it’s not enough/’Cause all our gods abandoned us/Your sacrifice to break the curse/Light the match, watch it burn.” Then the high notes he hits afterward? Whew! This man could be on Broadway or in opera, no doubt. Then there’s the insanity of Ronald (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWoQ7PFSYlk&ab_channel=EpitaphRecords) which features Alex Terrible of Slaughter to Prevail & Tech N9ne. I got the pleasure of seeing this one live with Tech N9ne, & let me tell you, it’s a banger. Let’s not forget the country metal breakdowns in All My Life featuring Jelly Roll (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GB9jFPUb7HA&ab_channel=EpitaphRecords). Did I mention the videos for all these songs are INSANE?! Forget the movies, just watch FIR videos back to back.
  • Made From the Dirt by Kassi Ashton: Kassi came on my radar in 2023 when I fell in love with the incredibly well written Drive You Out Of My Mind (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ipRfLf79WU&ab_channel=KassiAshtonVEVO). It made my 2023 list of best songs of the year, but I’ll confess I did not seek out any more of her music until this year when I heard the title track (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIc3HyiTnew&ab_channel=KassiAshtonVEVO) while driving to my hometown one day. The fact that I first heard it in the middle of nowhere made it even more special to me. With lyrics like “If you see me blazing trails instead of taking the highway/Leaning into love even when it hurts/I never fit the mold so I did it my way/I may be fighting but I didn’t swing first,” this song feels like it was written for me. After that, I knew I had to check out more by Kassi. I soon found an interview in which she was talking about her hometown (California, Missouri) & how she loves that she’s from there but she loves just as much that she learned how to leave. I’m not a touchy person but when I heard that I wanted to hug her & say “Yes, yes! You get it! Thank you for speaking for girls like me!” Soon after that I got the album & it’s been on frequent replay ever since. Yes, it’s a country album but think the jazz/blues sound of Bonnie Raitt combined with the country grit & sass of Reba McIntire. The Straw (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4xrAeWGV0o&ab_channel=KassiAshtonVEVO) is my favorite on this album. The pain in Kassi’s voice is so powerful that it almost brings me to tears every time I listen- which is a lot. In fact I wrote a whole blog post about how this song was inspired by a toxic romantic relationship but for me it’s about my relationship with conservative America (https://athicketofmusingsblog.com/2024/11/08/dear-conservative-america-im-breaking-up-with-you/.). As I’ve said with other albums, I could go on & on but let me end by saying you shouldn’t miss the sass in Called Crazy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsCoOfzAKzs&ab_channel=KassiAshtonVEVO). I think most every woman can relate to the line “I’ve never been called crazy by a man who didn’t come back for more.” Ha!
  • Fission by Dead Poet Society: I have Ben Anderson, the drummer from Nothing More, to thank for introducing me to this band. I’d heard of them before but never paid attention to them until I heard Ben introduce one of their tracks on Octane just a few weeks ago. As much as I love Nothing More I figured if they had toured with this band & recommended them, they had to be worth a listen. Turns out they are worth a whole lot of listens! The song Ben recommended was Hurt (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-hrEMw4V4Q&ab_channel=DeadPoetSocietyVEVO) which has become my favorite off of this album. I assumed the song was written about drug/alcohol addiction but vocalist Jack has stated it’s actually about being a musician & how difficult it is to stay in the industry these days & actually make a living. But like any great song, it’s written in such a way that it could be applied to multiple scenarios. Interestingly this band, while being very American, had a lot of their early success in Mexico. Anyhow, other stand out tracks are the groovy opener 5:29:45 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84wcWetvCTo&ab_channel=DeadPoetSociety-Topic) & Running In Circles (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-6H8udEpiw&ab_channel=DeadPoetSocietyVEVO). However, like the Highly Suspect album, I strongly recommend listening to this one from top to bottom to truly appreciate its full essence. In fact, this band has some similarities to Highly Suspect, but is perhaps a bit more danceable (is that word?).
  • One Assassination Under God by Marilyn Manson: Yes, I realize Manson is an incredibly controversial figure & I’ll confess that I almost didn’t include this album for fear of people verbally bludgeoning me over it. Let me just say this- I do believe in innocent until proven guilty as well as in separating the art from the artist. Having said that, due to the very serious nature of the allegations against Manson, at this time I do not plan to buy his merch or see him live again. However, I will still listen to his music, since I can stream it on a service I’m already paying for. Now that that’s out of the way, I have to say this album is a fantastic piece of art. You can hear in his voice how much healthier he is these days. In fact he recently announced he’s almost four years sober, which is huge for someone who has struggled with addiction like he has for much of his adult life. In fact Manson sings about his addiction on this album, saying “A reason for me, for me to get by/Became a need, a need to get high/Then into a life that was no life at all,” in standout track As Sick As The Secrets Within (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOd8hE-xTDY&ab_channel=MarilynManson). Sacrilegious (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo-lcU0xrRQ&ab_channel=HajastaryAquimOficial) is incredibly catchy & danceable while Raise The Red Flag (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckIQOTduNbI&ab_channel=MarilynManson) captures some of Manson’s anger from his earlier years.
LEADTOOLS v20.0
  • Find the Beautiful (EP) by Plush: I have Disturbed to thank for introducing me to the powerhouse ladies of Plush. Unfortunately I didn’t get to see these two bands touring together but thanks to David Draiman’s Instagram I got to see/hear Moriah singing with David as she performed Ann Wilson’s part in Don’t Tell Me during that tour. Immediately I knew I had to hear Moriah’s own band because she has a seriously powerful voice- think Lzzy Hale or Joan Jett. I don’t know their exact ages but I’m pretty sure all the ladies in this band are under thirty, but, like The Warning, their talent & professionalism is miles ahead of what you’d expect for their age. My favorite tracks here are Hope It Hurts (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9JTA8ECJbU&ab_channel=PLUSHROCKS) & Left Behind (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgLvQlqc-Xw&ab_channel=PlushRockVEVO). If the latter doesn’t get your heart racing a bit, you might need to see a doctor. Run (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywr9RBxnFGU&ab_channel=PlushRockVEVO) is also a standout track that showcases Moriah’s incredible range, but really every song here is a winner. I cannot wait to see these ladies live someday.

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Best Songs of 2024


It’s that time of year, y’all! Time for my annual “Best Of” lists for both albums & singles. I used to just do albums but since the consumption of music is now heavily weighted toward streaming, many artists are focusing more on singles than albums. Part of me finds that sad but I also understand the logic & realize we must adapt with the times or else get left behind. In order not to ignore the many excellent songs that are either stand alone singles or on yet to be released albums (or are part of an album but I either didn’t love the rest of the album or never got around to checking it out), it only seems fair to make two different posts nowadays. Keep in mind that this post (& the forthcoming albums post) will be heavily weighted toward rock/metal since that’s my favorite genre of music. Also keep in mind that music is my favorite hobby but it IS just a hobby- I’m not a professional music reviewer with all the time in the world to check out every new album/song/artist. So without further ado, & in no particular order, here are my choices for best songs of 2024!

  • Bleeders by Black Veil Brides: It’s no secret that BVB is one of my all time favorite bands. I saw them live twice in 2024, which makes for a total of four times now, & I’d still pay to see them again in a heartbeat. I’ll never understand the hate they’ve received over the years because they are truly talented musicians. Bleeders was inspired by vocalist Andy Biersack’s obsession with Sweeney Todd, as you can easily tell by the incredibly well done music video. During the Bleeders tour this past Spring, Andy even had a microphone with an imitation razor blade on it to fit the Sweeney Todd theme. Genius. Did I mention this is one of the band’s heaviest songs to date? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AThcMJmiTXI&ab_channel=BVBArmyVEVO
  • Paralyzed by Sleep Theory: This quartet from Memphis can seriously do no wrong. These guys have never made a bad song but this might be their best one yet. It does an excellent job of, at various times, featuring all 3 vocalists- lead singer Cullen Moore as well as bassist Paolo Vergara & guitarist Daniel Pruitt. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXK3zww_k6U&ab_channel=SleepTheory
  • The Emptiness Machine & Heavy Is the Crown by Linkin Park: Linkin Park was one of the first rock bands I ever liked but I cannot claim to be a “super fan.” Nonetheless I was intrigued to see the band make a return this year. To be perfectly honest, I haven’t checked out the full album yet but these two singles are without a doubt fantastic work (I’ve heard a few of the other songs & was less impressed with those). I for one am happy to see Emily take on the lead singer role in such an iconic band for my generation. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRXH9AbT280&ab_channel=LinkinPark
  • Mud by Dorothy: Ah, Dorothy, yet another artist who is incapable of producing a bad song. But I’ll confess that her last album or two didn’t speak to me the way her first two albums did. This song, however, is probably my favorite of hers to date. It’s heavy, it’s fun, it’s incredibly catchy, & it features some killer screams from Dorothy. What’s not to love? As the lyrics say ” You ain’t living life ’til you’re down in the mud/Now if your crown ain’t bent & your halo ain’t crooked/You might as well be six feet in dirt, yeah/Some call it danger, some call it trouble/I call it digging deep without a shovel.” Yes, girl!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBmbb2d84VE&ab_channel=DOROTHYVEVO
  • Rockstar by Hardy: I’ll also confess that Hardy’s 2024 album just didn’t do it for me like his previous album did. But this song is a certified banger. And the music video is brilliant, featuring Hardy & his band dressed up as & paying homage to various classic bands, everything from AC/DC to Queen to Limp Bizkit. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQ_xpKAjOS8&ab_channel=HARDYVEVO
  • Indifferent by Megan Moroney: I don’t keep up with modern country very well but I did come across this song this year & was immediately impressed. From what I can tell, it’s the ladies who are doing the best work on the country side of things these days. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwbSy6Wr0kE&ab_channel=MeganMoroneyVEVO
  • Creating Monsters & Fake Ass Friends by Set It Off: Set It Off have been going strong for over a decade but I was late to the game & only discovered them through Octane in 2023. They had multiple fantastic releases that year & did the same this year. Creating Monsters honors vocalist Cody’s jazz background & even pays homage to the classic tune It Don’t Mean a Thing If It Ain’t Got That Swing. Former band geeks like me, yes, you will swoon when you hear it! Fake Ass Friends is incredibly catchy & now that I’ve seen SIO in concert, I can attest that both songs go hard live. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9vQw1cB0MI&ab_channel=SetItOff
  • Live Not Fantasize by Tetrarch: Tetrarch is very open about being heavily influenced by nu metal & the likes of Korn & Slipknot. Those influences are very easy to hear in their music. What I love about Tetrarch is that I am more intrigued by their take on those influences than by the original bands (not that I don’t appreciate Korn & Slipknot- I do). This song might be their best release yet & has me very hungry for their upcoming album this year. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THNrPzS8I2M&ab_channel=NapalmRecords
  • A Banger a Day Keeps the Doctor Away by Solence: I discovered this song thanks to Octane’s test drive. I just happened to be driving when it came on & I was immediately entranced. Solence are a Swedish band who have plenty of serious songs but also aren’t afraid to cut loose & be silly – a la Electric Callboy. This song is a play on the old phrase “an apple a day keeps the doctor away.” You absolutely MUST watch the music video to appreciate the full comedic value of the song. But don’t get me wrong, the MUSIC is seriously good too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-nZ9L057Js&ab_channel=BetterNoiseMusic
  • Hang Tight Honey by Lainey Wilson: Lainey’s album probably deserves a full listen- I really need to get around to that. But in the mean time, I can attest that this song is loads of fun. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIzEdmRgu14&ab_channel=LaineyWilson
  • Pray by Old Flame/Jonny Craig: Yes, Jonny Craig is a former addict who did some terrible things while addicted to heroin. BUT he has now maintained long term sobriety & shown true remorse for his previous sins, so I for one am happy to give him another chance. There’s nothing I like better than seeing people conquer their demons, & I truly believe Jonny is doing that. I actually never listened to any of his older music anyway. But his voice is no doubt stellar & this song does an excellent job of showcasing it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yU2uNfDpKKI&ab_channel=SBGRecords
  • Say What You Will by Myles Kennedy: Myles is another artist who can do no wrong if you ask me. Alter Bridge was one of the first rock bands I ever loved & are still a favorite of mine. However, this song comes from Myles’s solo album & it’s a great one for when you feel discouraged. Video is fun too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_LXR96kh9s&ab_channel=MylesKennedy
  • Soft Spine by Spiritbox: “Soft spine! You all deserve each other! Your god will sort you when you die!” Courtney held nothing back with the rage in this song, & I AM HERE FOR IT. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80VTmBAnTSE&ab_channel=riserecords
  • Ghost by Minute After Midnight: I know nothing about this band (or solo project?) but I discovered this song on Octane & have been addicted to it ever since. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZYUN3FDylA&ab_channel=%E9%A0%AD%E5%B4%A9%E5%A3%8A
  • New Way Out by Poppy: I have mixed feelings about Poppy but this song is a certified banger, no doubt about it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqVNYcaS-3E&ab_channel=Poppy
  • Pretend by The Plot In You: Here’s a band I’m only just now getting into, even though I know they’ve been around for a long time. If you’ve never listened to them before, this song is a good place to start. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlY8qK1A9Ls&ab_channel=FearlessRecords
  • Hollywood Forever by Hollywood Undead: Hollywood Undead is a band that I frankly did not take seriously until I saw them live in 2022. Suddenly I could not ignore their talent any longer. These guys put on an incredibly fun show that you should absolutely be sure to see someday if you haven’t. Their latest song features three full verses- each performed by a different band member- & reflects on their career, all the way from the dirty streets of LA to where they are today. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0trg8w9Wtsw&ab_channel=HollywoodUndead
  • Going Places by Sick Puppies: 2009’s Tripolar by Sick Puppies was a phenomenal album but I’ll confess I’ve not followed them closely since then, especially once the original lead singer left the band. However, this song has me back in the fold, so to speak. I’ll be the first to admit that this was a slow burn for me. The first time or two I heard it, I honestly didn’t like it. But it kept getting stuck in my head & after a few more listens, I couldn’t help myself- it’s just fun! Also the second verse talks about growing up in a small town & longing for a bigger world- I can’t help but relate to that! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_tLQrNZyKk&ab_channel=SickPuppies
  • Good in Goodbye by Catch Your Breath: This one is a real tearjerker, something Catch Your Breath have quite a knack for it seems. It was partly inspired by the death of guitarist Teddy Herrera’s grandmother who was influential in supporting the band in their early days. Unfortunately Teddy was not able to get to Mexico to see her in person before she died. As the chorus says,
    • “Where’s the meaning in a heartbreak? Where’s the lesson in the loss? Darling, through all the pain what have we gained? ‘Cause I’m still searching for silver lines/ Maybe the scars you gave Make me strong one day Down the line/I guess I’m trying to find The good in goodbye.” Whew, heavy stuff.
  • Mayday by Three Days Grace: Say what you want about this band but they were definitely a gateway band for me & many others as teenagers/20 somethings. To have original vocalist Adam Gontier return to the band alongside current vocalist Matt Walst is something fans have been clamoring for for ages but never thought we’d actually see. With a bass line intro that is very reminiscent of their classic hit Animal I Have Become, this song is a new instant hit. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5hWEa1w6Z8&ab_channel=ThreeDaysGraceVEVO
  • God’s Image & Bestrafe Mich by Mike’s Dead: Mike’s Dead is swiftly becoming a new favorite of mine. His voice & music remind me of both Marilyn Manson & Motionless in White, so obviously I can’t help but like him. But he’s by no means a copycat- don’t get me wrong. Check out any of his work & you’ll quickly see what I mean. Fair warning, both of these songs/videos are not for the faint of heart. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1L8zhLGiUuw&ab_channel=MikesDeadVEVO
  • Nu Dehli by Bloodywood: Bloodywood have done it again- made another bloody brilliant song! This one honors the city of New Dehli, the capital of India. But yes, there are definitely some nu metal influences in this song, which I assume is why they spelled the title as they did. There’s plenty of their signature Indian flavors here too of course. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3C9NwGKgq4&ab_channel=Bloodywood
  • Whiplash by Architects: Architects are one of those bands that I constantly see other bands reference & yet I’ve never listened to them much myself. However, this song is one I can’t get away from since it debuted just a few months ago. Warning, it’s HEAVY- headbanging to it may indeed give you whiplash. It will be worth it though. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c67cjKK_08M&rco=1&ab_channel=Architects
  • Kid of Darkness by Slaughter to Prevail: I have mixed feelings about this band but this song slaps. The guitars really do it for me. I don’t think I need to warn you that this one is heavy because that’s standard for this band. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNJtJrbFeWw&ab_channel=AlexTerrible
  • Sincerity by Butcher Babies: I’ve never gotten into this band before but this song has been all over Octane lately, & I’m loving it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b–E1yQAnkU&ab_channel=ButcherBabies
  • Bad Omen by The Haunt: I discovered this band a few years ago when I saw them open for The Hu. I adored them live but must confess that I often find their recordings to be a little too polished for my taste. They just don’t always capture the raw grit that I heard when I saw them live. Having said that, this song is phenomenal. Annabelle may be young & tiny but she has a BIG voice & they did a great job capturing it on this one. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HAox__XprY&ab_channel=TheHaunt
  • Belly Up & Black Road by Return to Dust: If, like me, your favorite grunge band is Alice In Chains, boy, are you in for a treat with these guys! Not only does this band channel AIC with their guitar tones but the dual vocalists also create harmonies that are eerily reminiscent of Layne Staley & Jerry Cantrell. Shockingly, these guys are only in their early 20s. But their 90s influences are strong, & I couldn’t be more excited to see what the future holds for this band. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JAS6mXWKTk&ab_channel=ReturntoDustVEVO
  • Another Ghost by Upon A Burning Body: This is one of UABB’s softer songs in terms of the music/vocals but it’s one of their heavier songs in terms of the subject matter. The song was inspired by the opioid epidemic & is a touching testament to those who’ve been made ghosts by it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hMmXRiOUh0&ab_channel=UABBTV
  • Judas Mind by Seether: I’ve never followed Seether regularly but from what I know of their work, I feel safe saying this is one of their heaviest songs to date. It has their signature guitar tones but with a lot heavier vocals than I remember from Shaun in the past. It’s brilliant. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERZA81acxD4&ab_channel=Seether

Lastly, I’d like to honor my favorite covers, remakes, & collaborations of the year.

  • Fall Forever by Nik Nocturnal & Paula Carragosa ft Matt Heafy: Woah! Matt Heafy can sing/growl like THAT?! Yep, he sure can. So glad Nik & Paula chose him to feature on this track. And let’s not forget the impressive guitar work here from Nik & Paula (possibly my favorite metal couple). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKILFvblLhY&ab_channel=NikNocturnal

Well, that’s it! I could probably add some more but I have to end it some time, & this has taken me HOURS already. Happy listening!

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This Ain’t My Mama’s Broken Heart


Have you ever heard an old(er) song & realized you had totally forgotten about it? And furthermore that the song was far more profound than you had previously realized? That happened to me recently with a Miranda Lambert song- Mama’s Broken Heart to be specific. On the surface the song is about a breakup & how the singer isn’t handling it “like a lady.” In other words, she’s actually feeling & showing her emotions instead of just suppressing everything to “save face.” The song was released some 13 years ago (in 2011) & at the time I liked it well enough but never gave it a lot of thought. It didn’t feel like something I could relate to at that point in my life. After all, that was the year I got married- I wasn’t thinking about a breakup!

Well, here I am 13 years later, still happily married, yet the song is suddenly very relatable to me. That may sound counterintuitive but let me explain. The song was written by Kacey Musgraves (along with Brandy Clark & Shane McAnally) who is a fantastic singer/songwriter & has written some of the most incisive country songs of the past 15 years, so really it comes as no surprise that the song is far deeper than I realized on its initial release. You see, it isn’t JUST about a breakup. It uses a breakup as a way to critique a greater societal issue, something that is particularly relevant for women raised in small towns. And what is that issue? It’s exactly what I referenced earlier- actually expressing emotions instead of just suppressing everything in order to save face & remain “lady like.” And beyond that, I see the song as a critique of people who are more concerned with appearances & the opinions of others than with their own emotional wellbeing or that of their own family. Check out the lyrics below (& the song itself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yg05svXp98&ab_channel=mirandalambertVEVO)

I cut my bangs with some rusty kitchen scissors
I screamed his name ’til the neighbors called the cops
I numbed the pain at the expense of my liver
Don’t know what I did next, all I know, I couldn’t stop

Word got around to the barflies & the Baptists (I love how this points out that churchgoers can be every bit as gossipy as the “sinners” at the bar)
My mama’s phone started ringin’ off the hook
I can hear her now sayin’ she ain’t gonna have it
Don’t matter how you feel, it only matters how you look

Go & fix your makeup, girl, it’s just a breakup
Run & hide your crazy & start actin’ like a lady
‘Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart

I wish I could be just a little less dramatic
Like a Kennedy when Camelot went down in flames
Leave it to me to be holdin’ the matches
When the fire trucks show up & there’s nobody else to blame

Can’t get revenge & keep a spotless reputation
Sometimes revenge is a choice you gotta make
My mama came from a softer generation
Where you get a grip & bite your lip just to save a little face

Go & fix your makeup girl it’s just a break-up
Run & hide your crazy & start actin’ like a lady
‘Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
But this ain’t my mama’s broken heart

Powder your nose, paint your toes
Line your lips & keep ’em closed
Cross your legs, dot your I’s
And never let ’em see you cry

Go & fix your makeup, well, it’s just a break-up
Run & hide your crazy & start actin’ like a lady
‘Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
But this ain’t my mamma’s broken heart

I suppose the whole song could be summed up in that one line- “Don’t matter how you feel, it only matters how you look.” Now, just to be clear, this post is NOT a castigation of my own mother or any specific person. Rather it’s an attempt to sort out my own feelings about a society that often leaves me baffled & exhausted.

You see, I was raised in a society where appearances were of utmost importance. Tattoos & piercings were frowned upon, even considered downright sinful. Men wore suits & ties to church & women only wore skirts & dresses. Those who dared to wear pants were considered “wild.” One of the formative moments in my life is when the pastor at my family’s church saw fit to include in his sermon a critique of a men’s athletic team who met the US president (it was probably George W. Bush) & committed the grave error of not dressing suitably. Apparently some of them wore sandals or something less than a suit & tie, & thus they were deemed disrespectful. Even at the time (as a teenager) I remember thinking “But the president is just a MAN. Who cares? Isn’t respect better shown through your words & actions than your CLOTHES?” I’ve never forgotten that.

As a child I also remember hearing a story about a distant relative, long since deceased, who refused to open the door to a man who came to her house because he had a beard. He was someone who knew her or her family, not a total stranger. But because he had a beard, he was deemed disrespectful & thus unworthy of entrance to the house. Now my family who told this story agreed this was preposterous but stopped short of calling out the elderly woman for being incredibly rude. (Or maybe they did & I’ve just forgotten that part.)

These are just two examples of things I heard in my formative years that emphasized that appearance was of utmost importance. Yet at the same time I was constantly told that what was on the “inside,” in our hearts, mattered most. It was a message that was confusing at best, maddening at worst.

On a far more serious note, for so much of human history women have been asked- or more often demanded- to silence their own feelings in order to “save face,” as the song puts it. This has meant everything from marrying someone against their will to staying silent about abuse (because God forbid we should ruin some “important” man’s reputation!) to anything & everything in between.

Now the question you may be asking is- why is all of this relevant now? I’ve already told you I’m still happily married, so no, I’m not experiencing a breakup for which I seek to take revenge. At least not a romantic breakup. You see, my latest blog post, which was written & published shortly after Trump was re-elected as US president, was my official breakup announcement with conservative America. As I explained in that post, this really isn’t a new thing- it’s been happening very gradually for my entire adult life. I’ve just finally gotten the guts to be more open about it. As a recovering people pleaser, it’s taken me a very long time to be willing to take on the derision I know may come from being more open about my views.

So, no, I’m not experiencing romantic heartbreak. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed in our society right now. Now I’m not saying I’d be happier if Harris had won the election. But I at least thought it was going to be close, not the overwhelming victory it was for Trump. I know I shouldn’t take it personally that many folks I love voted for Trump- in some ways I understand why. But I do take it a bit personally because the man is a sleazeball- & that’s putting it nicely! I’m the one who’s going to have to explain to my daughter some time in the next few years that yes, here we are in the 21st century, still electing an old man who is likely a rapist. Or at best has incredibly sexist views on women. Not to mention the person Trump has announced as his AG appointee is a man whose career has been marred by allegations of sexual abuse, including against underage women. Now I realize allegations don’t always equate to facts but this is certainly suspicious, to say the least. This is not a conversation I look forward to having with my daughter.

On the other hand, I’m also disappointed to see how closed-minded some liberals have been about this situation. As easy as it would be for me to say, like many of them have, “Anyone who voted for Trump is a horrible person,” I know that life just doesn’t work that way. As I said in my last post, I know & love people who voted for Trump as well as for Harris & for 3rd party candidates. All of them are lovely people who work hard, take care of their families, & are good citizens in their communities. I refuse to give into this narrative that your voting record reflects everything about you as a person.

Having said that, I’m still disappointed. Maybe our political candidates have always been this terrible & it’s just that the internet & social media have made us much more aware of all of their many faults. Regardless, I just can’t help but ask myself what it says about our country that a bully like Trump has somehow managed to secure the Republican party nomination not once, not twice, but three times & has now been elected president twice. It can’t be anything good, that’s for sure!

So yes, I am a little broken-hearted right now. It’s really not even about the election so much as it’s just about humanity as a whole. I’m just sickened by how heartless so many people can be. No matter what my opinions may be about anything, I just want to be a kind person to everyone. I want to soothe the souls of those who are hurting & bring hope to those who are in need of it. And right now, I am one of those souls- this post is nothing if not an attempt to ameliorate the hurt in my own heart. I for one am NOT going to be quiet about my disappointment & sadness & care only about how I look or how others perceive me. And if you don’t understand why I’m disappointed, you can call me crazy all you want. After all, this ain’t my mama’s broken heart- it’s mine.

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Dear Conservative America, I’m Breaking Up With You


Dear Conservative America,

I’m breaking up with you. Actually, the truth is I broke up with you a long time ago- I’m just finally making it official. But, you see, this wasn’t an instantaneous process. I guess you could say it wasn’t a “clean break.” It was a very gradual moving away. Sometimes it was one step away, two steps back, one step away, two steps back, & so on, until eventually I realized- I don’t identify with you anymore.

I grew up absolutely immersed in you, such that conservative America was really all I knew. But even as a senior in high school I was starting to see cracks in your foundation. I wrote a poem about disillusionment that year & it was all about you & how I was beginning to realize you weren’t all I thought you were. I was beginning to see that I wasn’t allowed to ask questions, especially as a lowly female, that only certain people were really deemed worthy of your “compassion,” that change was always viewed as a bad thing. Even at 18, I couldn’t tolerate that, but I also wasn’t sure how to identify myself outside of you.

You see, when you’ve been immersed in something since birth, walking away is not an easy thing. My friends & acquaintances that didn’t grow up in conservative, rural America don’t understand why it’s taken me so long to formally denounce you. Many of them think I’m still not liberal enough- & probably will never be. But they don’t know what it’s like to have drunk the juice & figured out it was poison. They don’t know what it’s like to be viewed as heathen or a “stupid snowflake” by almost everyone you grew up with, especially when you still see some of those people.

I guess you may be wondering what the final straw was. Why now? Why am I finally ready to announce my break up with you? In short, the answer is Trump & all the nasty behavior his presidency has inspired. In 2016, I was well & truly disappointed at how quickly so many of my conservative friends & family embraced him. Some were more enthusiastic than others of course. Again & again I said to myself “Now if his party name started with a D, y’all would be tearing him to shreds for all of his many obvious sins.” Eight years later, it’s only gotten worse. No matter how many horrible things Trump says & does, that are so far removed from the Jesus y’all supposedly worship, the support for him only grows stronger. Now unlike most liberals (I guess I’m a moderate, not a true liberal anyway), I still have compassion on y’all. I realize that most folks are voting with their wallets, & while I may not think that Trump is going to be a magic pill that makes the world more affordable for everyone, I can understand why a lot of people see it that way. And as someone who is not living paycheck to paycheck, I’m in no position to judge the choices of those who are.

Having said that, I just can’t keep quiet anymore. I’ve waited too long as it is. I’ve been too afraid of rejection, too afraid of being the proverbial black sheep anymore than I probably already am. But I’ve also had to live with the guilt of being quiet & it’s simply too much to bear. Some will say I was never a true conservative or I wouldn’t have left, I wouldn’t have changed my mind. But that’s not true. I was 100% a dyed in the wool member of conservative America. I was that insufferable teenager who actually read her Bible before school every single morning. Who memorized more scripture than most churchgoers will ever dream of. I’ve read the Bible from cover to cover more times than most people who swear they believe every word of it. (Ok, I may have skipped a few bits of 1st & 2nd Chronicles where it’s mostly just long genealogies, but I promise I have read the vast, vast majority of every single book from Genesis to Revelation, even the very obscure rarely quoted/studied parts.)

The thing is, in reading all of that I realized the people who said they believed every word of it were picking & choosing which parts to believe just as much as anyone who didn’t believe it. Or openly admitted they chose to believe only certain parts. Y’all might say I wasn’t paying attention but I was. And the Religious Right I saw then wasn’t matching up with the Jesus I read about. And that’s become even more true now that that y’all, the Religious Right, have embraced Trump.

So go ahead, say what you want. Tell me I’m a heathen, a sinner, & what’s wrong with America (or the world) today. But as someone who advocates strongly for her patients as a nurse, who donates blood multiples times every year (& has for my entire adult life, except while pregnant & breastfeeding), who donates to charities on a very regular basis, who recycles & composts everything I can, who has examined her own biases & prejudices & opened my heart to people who are very different than I am- respectfully, no, I am not what is wrong with America. I’m just a woman calling out a toxic relationship when I see one.

You see, recently I came across a song called The Straw by Kassi Ashton. I immediately fell in love with the heartbreaking lyrics but initially I felt like I couldn’t relate to them because I am, after all, married to the very first guy I ever dated. So I haven’t suffered the kind of romantic heartbreak that inspired the song. But the more I listened to the lyrics, the more I realized I DO know that kind of heartbreak. I was a true believer in conservative America. So I do know the heartbreak of leaving something you loved but came to realize was toxic. I do know how incredibly hard that is- & yet also how incredibly freeing it is!

At the end of the day I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for you, conservative, rural America (you are one & the same, of course). Y’all are my people, after all. I can’t turn my back on you. No one else is going to advocate for you. BUT that doesn’t mean I have to condone everything about the culture. It doesn’t mean I get a free pass to turn a blind eye to the problems there.

I’ll end this letter with the song that inspired it. Usually I like to speak for myself but in this case I think Kassi said it better than I could have, perhaps because I am too emotionally invested in this. I’ll also end by saying that I know & love people who voted for Trump, Harris, & third party candidates (I voted for a 3rd party myself, as I have for most every presidential election). I’m not ending relationships over this because I realize many people didn’t feel good about their choice anyway. Plus, if I write people off over this one choice, I’m not providing them with an opportunity to change. After all, I was once on the other side of the fence myself.

Here’s a link to the song. Her voice is phenomenal. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4xrAeWGV0o&ab_channel=KassiAshtonVEVO

Lastly, I’ll quote what Kassi said about her hometown: “I love being from there… but I love just as much that I learned how to leave.” (https://www.youtube.com/shorts/sVdtanvUcNc)

“Could’ve been the way you stood there
Acting like I needed you to save the day
I don’t need to be saved
Could’ve been you cornered my emotions
Up against the wall when I needed space
You know I needed space (I did, that’s one reason I left)
I would’ve traded all the things you gave me
I didn’t need
I thought I was a stayer
But God, you made a runner out of me (You did- you see I left- even though that wasn’t something I necessarily dreamed of or planned)

My shoulders would hold ya
And the gravity of the blame (Yes, I’ll take the blame, I’ll be the “crazy” one)
Heart broke, no joke
Do we really have to give it a name?
My back aches, my bones break
I was the only one willing to change (Yes, I was the only one willing to change, & I know I’m called wrong for doing so)
Who cares what made it heavy anyway?
The straw

Was it that I spelled it out in black & white
But you could never hear me?
You can only hear yourself (Echo chambers, anyone?)
I know you think I just gave up
But I didn’t give up
I was so damn patient
I tried, I cried (Yes, I have cried, more than you know)
But like a dam to a flood
I could only take so much

My shoulders would hold ya
And the gravity of the blame
Heart broke, no joke
Do we really have to give it a name?
My back aches, my bones break
I was the only one willing to change
Who cares what made it heavy anyway?

The straw
That broke the back of the girl
That loved ya
The straw that broke the back of the girl
That loved ya
The straw that broke the back of the girl
That loved ya
The last damn straw that broke the back
Of the girl that loved ya
Ah

My shoulders would hold ya
And the gravity of the blame
Heart broke, no joke
Do we really have to give it a name?
My back aches, my bones break
I was the only one willing to change
Who cares what made it heavy anyway?
The straw

The straw
Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh
The straw that broke the back of the girl
That loved ya
The last damn straw that broke the back
Of the girl that loved ya
Damn”

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Musings of a Disillusioned Millennial


This post is aimed primarily at my fellow millennials, though I suspect those both younger & older will likely relate equally well. If I had to choose one word to describe my generation it would be disillusioned. This isn’t meant to be a full blown thesis on the subject, though I imagine with enough time & effort I could write one, but here’s a quick list of WHY I think so many of us millennials are disillusioned. (I’m sure I’ll think of more as soon as I hit publish.)

  • The impeachment of President Bill Clinton for sexual misconduct with an intern
  • Sept 11 – this is a BIG one that hit at a very crucial time in our lives (adolescence)!
  • Election scandals – starting w/ George W. Bush vs Al Gore, continuing to this day
  • Increased awareness of police brutality, particularly against black men
  • Increased awareness of persistent racism in our culture
  • Almost continuous economic downturns & recessions, now coupled with rampant inflation
  • The exposure of rampant child abuse in the Catholic church, as well as in other religious institutions
  • Increased awareness of sexual assault/rape (the #metoo movement)
  • The disappearance of manufacturing jobs from our country
  • Urbanization/the death of rural America
  • Just when we thought we’d seen enough- COVID!
  • Presidential elections that become more & more embarrassing every election cycle

I could go on & on but I think you get the point. All of these, & many other, events have culminated in a generation who is constantly aware that the institutions that are supposed to protect & serve are often doing the exact opposite– whether that is churches, law enforcement, schools, or government/politicians in general. The major lesson that our generation has been sent over & over & over is that institutions & the people who represent them cannot be trusted. In some ways we may be better off because of this knowledge. Theoretically it makes us less likely to be taken advantage of. But it also breeds a lot of negativity & general malaise with life. Take note, I am NOT saying we have had it harder than any other generation- but we haven’t had it EASY either, despite what some folks think.

It’s not just institutions though- it’s every day humans too. I don’t know about y’all but I am constantly disappointed in humanity. A lot of it is nonsense I see on social media which is why I’ve made a conscious effort to limit my use of social media as well as to limit what I post there, so that is doesn’t become any more negative than it already is. But sometimes, like right now, I just can’t keep my mouth shut in the face of the constant flood of absurdity.

For example, suddenly everyone is all up in arms about women’s boxing at the Olympics. And for good reason! We’ve just seen heartbreaking pictures of an Italian woman who quit a match after just one or two punches because of how brutal those punches were. But almost everyone is running with the narrative that her opponent is a transgender woman when in fact she is NOT. Her opponent has XY chromosomes & is most likely intersex. This is a very complicated issue & I have a great deal of empathy for people who are born with this extremely rare & admittedly confusing condition. I do think it is wrong to allow such women to compete against XX women as they clearly have unfair advantages over XX women. BUT calling her a man masquerading as a woman isn’t accurate either! We shouldn’t be villainizing HER. It’s totally legitimate to ask questions & fight for “justice” but we DO need to get the facts straight. And frankly, most aren’t even bothering to find out the facts in the first place! (Sighhhhhh…)

Then you’ve got the overturning of Roe vs Wade which has created all kinds of horrific situations for women who never even wanted an abortion in the first place but just had the misfortune to suffer a miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy or some other medical complication that suddenly required an “abortion.” Just this week I read about a woman who is suing Kansas because they refused her medical treatment when she lost all of our amniotic fluid (i.e. her water broke) at just 18 weeks. Now anyone with half a brain ought to know that no baby is going to survive that. In fact by the time she got to the hospital the baby was likely already dead. She just needed a medical procedure to remove the dead baby from her body so that she wouldn’t become septic & die. But no, she had to travel hundreds of miles away to Illinois to find someone to save her life. And of course she got sicker in the process of waiting! These kinds of stories are becoming far too common. I never dreamed that I would have fewer rights than my mother or grandmother. Or that my daughter would grow up to have fewer rights than I have had. But here we are, in the United States of America, allowing women to suffer & potentially die because medically ignorant politicians, who are mostly old men, are preventing doctors from providing life saving medical care! But if you speak up about it you risk being called a “baby killer.” Appalled doesn’t even begin to cover it.

However, what is equally appalling is the absolutely insane division I see in this country where so few people have true compassion, particularly for anyone with a different point of view than themselves. Now, in real life, I find people are often a bit nicer. But online is a whole other story. It seems humanity goes out the window, the gloves are off, & we can call anyone who doesn’t agree with us all kinds of horrible things, essentially deeming them animals who aren’t deserving of love, respect, or even basic decency. This kind of division is horrifying to me because even if it’s worst online, it CAN carry over into real life. This is the ethos behind the propaganda that has been used to carry out genocides throughout history! When you erase someone’s humanity because they disagree with you, even on a serious issue, you have to ask yourself if you’re becoming the monster you’re trying to fight.

I’m not sure that there’s any real point to what I’m saying other than that I’m struggling trying to cope with so much negativity in the world. And I know I can’t be the only person feeling this way. Now I 100% believe that the world is not actually a worse place today than ever before in history. If anything, it’s probably better. We’ve come so far as humans these past few centuries- abolishing slavery, desegregating schools, legalizing inter-racial marriage, legalizing same sex marriage, granting women the right to vote, etc. But there are still some very real problems out there, yet we’ll never be any closer to solving any of them if we continue this race to the bottom of the bucket. Let’s not allow deranged politicians, polarized religious “leaders,” or misguided social commentators to convince us to throw away our humanity. They may have already discarded theirs- but we don’t have to follow suit.

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