In my thirty years of life, I’ve come to realize that there are basically two types of people in the world: those who take charge of life, grab it by the horns, & create their own “destiny,” & those who sit back & allow life to happen to them, acting as passive passengers on this ride of life. 

I like what British rock star Yungblud said about labeling people or putting them in boxes: “Boxes are for cereal.  Labels are for clothes.  We are human & the need for division is becoming less relevant every day.”  Even so, I think it’s just human nature that we try to label people or put them in boxes to try to make sense of the world.  Perhaps even more so in today’s world of constant information overload, I think we feel like we have to find some way to organize & process all the information that is thrown at us on a daily basis.  At the end of the day I think we probably NEED some kinds of labels or boxes to help us make sense of the world- BUT we also need to have the presence of mind to know that not everyone will- or should- fit these boxes or labels, & furthermore that everyone has the capability of transcending whatever box or label they’ve been given- or have willingly claimed. 

Anyway, when I say that there are these two kinds of people in the world I’m not trying to cause division or hatred or to make you, the reader, feel like you have to choose between these two types.  It’s just something I’ve observed along this road of life & I’ll be the first to admit I could be totally wrong.

I realized a few weeks ago that I hadn’t taken any PTO in months- most likely since January when my daughter had her tonsils removed- so that wasn’t exactly a vacation!  But I did take off work yesterday since I was in a wedding on Sunday & wanted a day to travel back home & generally recover from a busy weekend.  As it turned out I got sick last night so that day off turned into two days off.  As you can probably guess I’m struggling with guilt over being “lazy,” even though logically I know I need to rest & recover so I can get back to my normal routine. 

As you’ve probably guessed from reading this far (or if you know me in real life), I am definitely the first type of person I described at the beginning of this post, & while I think there are great advantages to being this way, I have to admit I occasionally wonder what it would be like to be different.  To not feel the need to plan so much.  To not weigh every life decision with so much gravity.  To not feel like I have no one else but myself to blame for my mistakes.  To be able to just say “Oh yeah, life happens.”

But that’s just not me.  I see what happens to people who allow life to just happen to them.  In the end even indecision is a decision.  Even inaction is an action.  Does that make sense or is my sick mind just delusional?  While some people might be happy living this way, I know I never could be.  I may not be the most carefree person ever, I may be far too serious sometimes, but at the end of the day I don’t know any other way to be.

There’s a reason I was married for over five years before having a baby.  There’s a reason Rachel is almost three & I’m still not ready for another kid.  There’s a reason I haven’t gone back to school yet even though my original life plan was to be an NP by thirty (or thereabouts).  I weigh these life decisions very, very heavily & I can’t make these kinds of changes until I know I’m really, truly ready- or at least as ready as I can ever hope to be.  Sometimes I hate being so self-aware, so analytical.  But I don’t how to be anything else so I’m just going to embrace it & hope that someone else reading this can relate & know they’re not alone in feeling this way.

So… which type are you?  And do you ever wish you were different?