Musings of a Disillusioned Millennial


This post is aimed primarily at my fellow millennials, though I suspect those both younger & older will likely relate equally well. If I had to choose one word to describe my generation it would be disillusioned. This isn’t meant to be a full blown thesis on the subject, though I imagine with enough time & effort I could write one, but here’s a quick list of WHY I think so many of us millennials are disillusioned. (I’m sure I’ll think of more as soon as I hit publish.)

  • The impeachment of President Bill Clinton for sexual misconduct with an intern
  • Sept 11 – this is a BIG one that hit at a very crucial time in our lives (adolescence)!
  • Election scandals – starting w/ George W. Bush vs Al Gore, continuing to this day
  • Increased awareness of police brutality, particularly against black men
  • Increased awareness of persistent racism in our culture
  • Almost continuous economic downturns & recessions, now coupled with rampant inflation
  • The exposure of rampant child abuse in the Catholic church, as well as in other religious institutions
  • Increased awareness of sexual assault/rape (the #metoo movement)
  • The disappearance of manufacturing jobs from our country
  • Urbanization/the death of rural America
  • Just when we thought we’d seen enough- COVID!
  • Presidential elections that become more & more embarrassing every election cycle

I could go on & on but I think you get the point. All of these, & many other, events have culminated in a generation who is constantly aware that the institutions that are supposed to protect & serve are often doing the exact opposite– whether that is churches, law enforcement, schools, or government/politicians in general. The major lesson that our generation has been sent over & over & over is that institutions & the people who represent them cannot be trusted. In some ways we may be better off because of this knowledge. Theoretically it makes us less likely to be taken advantage of. But it also breeds a lot of negativity & general malaise with life. Take note, I am NOT saying we have had it harder than any other generation- but we haven’t had it EASY either, despite what some folks think.

It’s not just institutions though- it’s every day humans too. I don’t know about y’all but I am constantly disappointed in humanity. A lot of it is nonsense I see on social media which is why I’ve made a conscious effort to limit my use of social media as well as to limit what I post there, so that is doesn’t become any more negative than it already is. But sometimes, like right now, I just can’t keep my mouth shut in the face of the constant flood of absurdity.

For example, suddenly everyone is all up in arms about women’s boxing at the Olympics. And for good reason! We’ve just seen heartbreaking pictures of an Italian woman who quit a match after just one or two punches because of how brutal those punches were. But almost everyone is running with the narrative that her opponent is a transgender woman when in fact she is NOT. Her opponent has XY chromosomes & is most likely intersex. This is a very complicated issue & I have a great deal of empathy for people who are born with this extremely rare & admittedly confusing condition. I do think it is wrong to allow such women to compete against XX women as they clearly have unfair advantages over XX women. BUT calling her a man masquerading as a woman isn’t accurate either! We shouldn’t be villainizing HER. It’s totally legitimate to ask questions & fight for “justice” but we DO need to get the facts straight. And frankly, most aren’t even bothering to find out the facts in the first place! (Sighhhhhh…)

Then you’ve got the overturning of Roe vs Wade which has created all kinds of horrific situations for women who never even wanted an abortion in the first place but just had the misfortune to suffer a miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy or some other medical complication that suddenly required an “abortion.” Just this week I read about a woman who is suing Kansas because they refused her medical treatment when she lost all of our amniotic fluid (i.e. her water broke) at just 18 weeks. Now anyone with half a brain ought to know that no baby is going to survive that. In fact by the time she got to the hospital the baby was likely already dead. She just needed a medical procedure to remove the dead baby from her body so that she wouldn’t become septic & die. But no, she had to travel hundreds of miles away to Illinois to find someone to save her life. And of course she got sicker in the process of waiting! These kinds of stories are becoming far too common. I never dreamed that I would have fewer rights than my mother or grandmother. Or that my daughter would grow up to have fewer rights than I have had. But here we are, in the United States of America, allowing women to suffer & potentially die because medically ignorant politicians, who are mostly old men, are preventing doctors from providing life saving medical care! But if you speak up about it you risk being called a “baby killer.” Appalled doesn’t even begin to cover it.

However, what is equally appalling is the absolutely insane division I see in this country where so few people have true compassion, particularly for anyone with a different point of view than themselves. Now, in real life, I find people are often a bit nicer. But online is a whole other story. It seems humanity goes out the window, the gloves are off, & we can call anyone who doesn’t agree with us all kinds of horrible things, essentially deeming them animals who aren’t deserving of love, respect, or even basic decency. This kind of division is horrifying to me because even if it’s worst online, it CAN carry over into real life. This is the ethos behind the propaganda that has been used to carry out genocides throughout history! When you erase someone’s humanity because they disagree with you, even on a serious issue, you have to ask yourself if you’re becoming the monster you’re trying to fight.

I’m not sure that there’s any real point to what I’m saying other than that I’m struggling trying to cope with so much negativity in the world. And I know I can’t be the only person feeling this way. Now I 100% believe that the world is not actually a worse place today than ever before in history. If anything, it’s probably better. We’ve come so far as humans these past few centuries- abolishing slavery, desegregating schools, legalizing inter-racial marriage, legalizing same sex marriage, granting women the right to vote, etc. But there are still some very real problems out there, yet we’ll never be any closer to solving any of them if we continue this race to the bottom of the bucket. Let’s not allow deranged politicians, polarized religious “leaders,” or misguided social commentators to convince us to throw away our humanity. They may have already discarded theirs- but we don’t have to follow suit.

The Problem with Small Towns


This blog post has been a long time coming, to borrow a small town phrase. Perhaps it was finally pushed into fruition since I spent a few days in my hometown earlier this week while my daughter’s school was closed & my husband was traveling for work.

For those who don’t know anything about me, allow me to preface this with a quick autobiography so you will have a better context for the rest of this post. I grew up in a small town in central Virginia, a place with 4 stoplights in the entire county (there are 5 now since we got a Wal-Mart!). A place with one primary, one elementary, one middle, & one high school for the whole county. A place that- at the time I was growing up there- required you to drive a minimum of 20 mins to get to the closest Wal-Mart. A place with more churches than restaurants. And zero bars. I moved away for college when I was 18, albeit to another small town but it was sufficiently bigger that it felt like a small city to me. Which is probably proof of how rural my early years really were! Anyway, aside from the summer after freshman year of college, I have never lived there again (after college my husband & I moved to an urban area in another state). And that summer was the longest one of my life because I spent most of the time counting down until I could go back to school & get out of there. I can truly say I have never regretted moving away & I’m quite certain I never will.

For a little more context, allow me to add that for the first few years after I left my hometown I was quite angry & bitter toward the town. Because it was all I had known for 18.5 years, it was quite a shock to find out at college that my formative years were quite different than those of many of my peers. It was easy to feel like I’d missed out on a lot in life, to feel like my town had somehow held me back or deprived me of experiences. However, as time has gone by I’ve become a lot more forgiving of my hometown. I actually feel more connected to the town & many people there than I have in a long time. Even so, I’ll never be that person who loves their hometown & thinks it’s the best place on Earth- not even close. But I’m no longer angry & bitter about it. However, I think I’ll always have very conflicted feelings about it. I think it will always be a place that conjures as much sadness for me as it does happiness, as much disappointment as it does pride.

Now to get to the meat of the message- there are so many problems with small towns in the rural South, & I daresay with small towns the world over. Of course there are plenty of problems with more urban areas too- but that isn’t the focus of today’s post. So- what are the problems plaguing my home town & thousands, nay probably millions, of others like it? Well, there’s poverty, racism (some quite overt, some much more veiled but equally sinister), religious extremism, drug use (this one has spiked exponentially over the past few years), closed-mindedness, unemployment, depression & other mental health issues, domestic abuse/violence, cronyism, isolation, & obesity- to name a few.

But the number one problem that I think plagues small towns is a refusal to see the full potential in others, an insistence on categorizing people & making assumptions about them based on said categorizations. This is especially true in adolescence but I’m very sad to say that I think it often extends far beyond high school & into all of adulthood. Now hear me out on this because I realize this may seem like a far smaller problem than the other things I listed above. The reason I say this is the number one problem is because I think it is the root cause- or a root cause anyway- of many of the other problems, including racism. When people feel categorized from such a young age- whether it be as a nerd, a jock, an athlete, a class clown, a goth, etc- this can & often does have a crippling effect on self esteem, ambition, etc. People feel stuck in roles that quite often they didn’t truly choose. All of this can lead to depression & isolation which are hardly good starting points for happiness & success in life. Not to mention there is the pressure people feel to please others or to conform to local societal norms to avoid rejection & humiliation.

To expound on my own experiences, one of the reasons college was so exhilarating for me was because it was the first time in my life I didn’t feel looked down upon for being smart. It was the first time I felt like I could be truly & authentically myself without people immediately categorizing me in a negative way. It was also the first time I felt free to fully explore my own ideas & beliefs about life without people breathing down my neck telling me how wrong or sinful I was to question things. That’s a whole other blog post right there but the point is that being away from my hometown really allowed me to come into my own, so to speak. And it also allowed me to appreciate all kinds of different people, many of which broke the stereotypes that I’d so often seen or heard at home.

I always hear the stereotype that small towns are the friendliest places in the world. I can see why people say that but I think they can be the meanest places too. For example, in a small town, it’s so easy to see someone who uses drugs & just say “Oh, they’re a useless druggie.” You’d think that small towns might have more empathy for these people because “everyone knows everyone” but what I’ve realized is that everyone does NOT know everyone at all. Sure, most people know each other as far as names, relatives, things like that. But that does NOT mean we actually know each other. We often know only the most superficial things about each other but end up assuming we know so much more. Just because someone is or was categorized as a certain thing in school or beyond in no way means we actually know anything about their true personality- their likes, their dislikes, their dreams, their ambitions, etc. And yet so much of the time we are so quick to assume we know everything about everyone just because we’ve all lived in the same area for so long. How do I know this? I know it because I have been guilty of it too. And still am at times.

As far as the drug use issue, such attitudes only serve to further isolate these people & therefore drive them further down the hole of addiction. I am in no way saying they aren’t responsible for their decisions but I do think our world would be a much better place if we spent less time looking down on addicts just to feel better about ourselves & more time understanding WHY people make such unhealthy decisions, & thus tried to address the root causes of addiction. But, again, that’s a whole other blog post right there.

What I’m trying to get at here is this. Agatha Christie said over & over in her books that even the smallest village is a microcosm for the world as a whole because no matter how small a place is the essential nature of human beings doesn’t change. All the good & all the evil that can be accomplished or undertaken in the world can & does happen in the smallest of towns, just as it does in the largest of cities. I started reading her books in high school- actually probably middle school- & even then I knew she was probably right in this assertion. But I hadn’t yet lived anywhere but a small town so I had no experience elsewhere to confirm it. Now I do. And now I know that the reason small towns have the problems I’ve discussed here is because HUMANITY has these problems. And as much as you might think that having a smaller amount of people might somehow lessen those problems, I think it’s actually quite the opposite. I think it only serves to heighten the problems, perhaps because there are fewer people to dilute them, if that makes any sense. What I’m saying is it’s so easy for outsiders to see places like my hometown as these perfect, quaint, peaceful towns but in reality there is so much darkness underneath the surface. But I think that’s because there is so much darkness in human nature as a whole. And just because there are fewer people doesn’t mean there is any less darkness.

Remember how I said I will always have conflicting emotions about my hometown, how it will always elicit as much disappointment as it does pride? Well, the truth of the matter is that the same is true for HUMANITY as a whole. It’s just that I feel so much more strongly about it when it’s associated with the place where I grew up, the place that “should” feel like home but really doesn’t.

So my unsolicited advice to all my friends & family back home or anyone else reading this from a small town (or anywhere really) is this: don’t assume you know folks just because you’ve known them your whole life. Allow people to be more complex than you might have previously pictured. I know the world is scary & confusing- perhaps all the more so since Covid struck- but categorizing people in an attempt to simplify things doesn’t help anyone, including yourself. And remember, I am writing this to myself too.

Just to be clear, I haven’t written all this to point my finger at my hometown & others like it. I have not written all this to say I’m better than anyone there because I moved away. I’ve written all this to try to make sense of a confusing world. To try to find some peace about a place that often causes me such unrest. If you don’t like it, that’s fine. The older I get the less I care what others think because that doesn’t pay my bills or help me sleep at night. If you’re truly happy living there or in another small town somewhere, I am sincerely happy for you- & even a bit jealous if I’m truly being honest. Remember, my gripe here isn’t really specific to small towns- it’s to humanity as a whole. And I know I’m part of that too.

Edit: I’d like to share one of my all time favorite songs. It’s sad & beautiful all at once & while it was clearly written with a person in mind, I feel like it perfectly sums up my relationship with my hometown & with small towns in general. “I love you, but I leave you. I dont want you, but I need you… I’ve got a gypsy soul to blame & I was born for leaving…”

https://youtu.be/oouFE51HcqM