Warning: this is going to be a brain dump. This will not be my most eloquent post, nor my most uplifting. But there are so many thoughts whizzing around my brain right now that I simply must write or else risk losing my sanity (or what’s left of it).

Here lately I am constantly circling back to this same concept over & over again: I have to stop expecting myself from other people. You see, I’m what’s called an empath or a “highly sensitive” person. And with that comes the ability to self reflect, reexamine long-held beliefs, consider new ideas, & generally remain open minded about life while also being highly sensitive to the feelings & needs of others. As I’ve evolved over the years, the thing I seem to have forgotten is that a lot of folks have not been doing the same. Instead of becoming more open minded, more empathetic, & more self-reflective, a lot of people have done quite the opposite. They’ve stewed in self pity, maximized “in group” thinking, & thus it should come as no surprise that their empathy quotient- at least for anyone different than them- is basically zero.

But, you see, sometimes I forget this. I think “Well, gosh, I’ve changed my mind about so many things because of new evidence & life experiences. Surely others must have done the same.” And that right there is where I am realizing I am 100% WRONG!! Far too many people have not done the inner work to examine why they feel they way they do, why they believe what they do, nor anything of that nature. They may not be happy with where they are but they’re very content. Which is a very dangerous place to be.

I was trying to avoid politics in this post but I no longer feel like I can. The past five to ten years, especially the past five years, have been a real eye-opener for me. I guess it’s proof of white privilege that it took me that long to realize just how many racist people still exist- more specifically how many of them I actually KNOW. And it’s not just about race. It’s the general lack of empathy that I see for anyone who looks or thinks differently that shocks & appalls me on a daily basis. Between Trump’s frequently audacious statements & the open microphone that is social media, people have become very comfortable airing their dirty laundry. I mean, maybe it’s better that way, so we know who to avoid. But it’s hard not to feel like society is unraveling a bit.

Indeed if there’s anything I’ve learned over the past few years it’s that we are not nearly as civilized as we like to think we are. Our brains have not evolved to handle the 24/7 news cycle/information overload that smart phones give us, but even more than that, we simply are not as NICE as we like to think we are. When I was in school learning about slavery, the US Civil Rights era, the Holocaust, & other such atrocities, I was horrified but also vaguely comforted by the notion that we as humanity had evolved beyond such evils, that we’d never have to worry about facing such nightmares come to life again. While on a textbook level I understood how these horrible events happened, I’d never watched it with my own eyes, never heard it with my own ears, so part of me still wondered how these things could have actually happened. Simply put, how could people be so cruel?

Well, friends, I no longer have any doubts. I know exactly how these things happened & I very much fear they may happen again. When you have people constantly hating on those they find “lesser,” blaming other groups for problems that aren’t even vaguely caused by them, it’s very easy to see how hatred takes hold of people &, especially when combined with financial constraints, leads them to view other people as somehow less than human. And it’s nothing short of terrifying.

On a more personal level, I’m also just sick of expecting people to be nicer than they are. I’m not talking about my husband or closest friends or family. I have way too much self respect to tolerate the people closest to me not treating me well. But when it comes to other people, I find that I am often disappointed. So I guess it’s just high time I woke up & realized that other people frequently do not think like me. It sounds so trite but I simply have to stop expecting me from other people. Again, it’s trite but true: “If they wanted to, they would.”

Sigh. I’d like to end this on a happier note but I don’t have the energy right now. I’m sure I’ll feel better after a good night’s rest & getting back to work in the morning (which keeps me busy helping others & not wallowing in self pity). Just know that if you’re finding the world a scary, disappointing place right now, you are 100% not alone.