You’ve seen them, I know you have- all the memes about how much adulthood sucks. About how much we all wish we could go back to being children who get to take naps & have our biggest worry in life be something that- as an adult- seems incredibly trivial. I’ve laughed at those memes, maybe even shared them a time or two. But I’m coming at you today with what I know is, as they’re calling them these days, a “hot take.” The truth of the matter is I love being an adult. Yes, I do- I really 100% do! Furthermore I love being in my 30s even more than I loved being in my 20s. Crazy? Maybe- but it’s true just the same.
Now I realize that this might be a controversial opinion & I absolutely do not expect most readers to agree with me. In fact I have loads of empathy for others who are perhaps less fortunate than I am. Indeed, just this morning my husband told me that I am toxically empathetic- meaning I take on other people’s emotions to such an extreme that at times it becomes a detriment to my own mental health. And he’s 100% right. It’s one of my greatest strengths but also a fatal flaw at times. I’m getting carried away, but my point is I have no trouble understanding why many- I daresay most- people DON’T love adulthood the way I do. But that doesn’t change the fact that I love it.
If you’re one of those folks who doesn’t love adulthood, you might be asking yourself how I could possibly like paying bills, going to work, having a mortgage, grocery shopping, & all the other mundane & yet often incredibly stressful tasks that make up adult life. Well, the answer is this: it’s all about the freedom. As an adult I have the freedom to choose my career &, because of the career I chose, I even have the freedom to work part time & more or less choose my work hours. I have the freedom to choose what I’m buying & cooking each week- considering the amount of people in the world still facing dire poverty & even starvation, I consider that a major blessing! I have the freedom to choose where I live & where I send my child to school. The list could go on & on, but I think you get the drift.
Now many facets of my current lifestyle would not be possible without my husband- I’ll be the first to acknowledge that. But guess what- because I’m an adult I have the freedom to be with him! No one can tell me I can’t! And it’s not like I’m not also enriching his life/lifestyle. It’s definitely a two-way street, as all relationships should be.
Going hand in hand with having the freedom adulthood brings comes the knowledge that no matter how rough things get, they always get better. I still have days when my anxiety/depression &/or OCD tendencies roar their ugly head, but as an adult I now have the foresight to know that bad days are just part of life. Plus, I have better coping skills now. (Yes, one of those is Prozac but trust me, there is so much more to fighting the demons in my head than just that.) Furthermore as an adult I have a much greater capacity to understand that things that seem like a huge deal in the moment often aren’t. As a child or teen, I didn’t have that understanding- I don’t think anyone does. Our brains just aren’t wired that way. So, yes, I can look back at childhood, adolescence, or even college & think “Man, my problems then really were pretty inconsequential.” BUT- this the clincher- they didn’t feel that way at the time! They felt just as massive as any adult problem I face now, if not more so. Because my anxiety was far, far worse back then I just didn’t have the capacity to face things the way I do now. So no, I don’t want to go back- I’m far better off now.
Speaking of being better off now, that’s another reason I love adulthood. I didn’t have a terrible childhood by any means, but the fact remains that I am far happier as an adult than I ever was as a kid. I can’t claim to have been the victim of extreme bullying or anything like that, but I was definitely a strange, nerdy child who was often lonely at school. I know what it’s like to eat lunch alone, to creep around the cafeteria just hoping someone, anyone, will ask you to sit with them. And often finding no one who did. I know what it’s like to be picked last in gym class, over & over again. I know what it’s like to the butt of jokes, to be the kid who’s always out of the loop, never invited to the parties, etc. In fact, there was a three year stretch of elementary/middle school when I dearly wished my mom would homeschool me because I was so miserable thanks to certain kids at school. In the end, I’m so glad I stuck with it because things got much better in later middle school & high school, not to mention those hard years taught me some incredibly important life lessons, but the fact remains that for various reasons I am much happier now than I ever was back in my supposed “glory days.”
See, the things that make you weird, nerdy, & boring as a child/teen often make you interesting & exciting as an adult. I’ll never be “popular” or everyone’s favorite- I’m just not that sociable at the end of the day- but starting in college & continuing into the rest of my adult life I have found time & time again that the exact things that people found bizarre about me or that made me some kind of “loser” as a child/teen now make me interesting. Am I still unusual in many ways? Absolutely! But the difference is now when people say I’m weird they usually say it in a flattering way- like perhaps they wish they had the courage to be so authentic & unique- & not so worried what about what others think.
Yes, I talked about having an incredible store of empathy a few paragraphs ago, but I’ll let you in on a little secret now: I can be petty too. As much as I aspire to want the best for everyone & to forgive anyone who’s ever wronged me, the truth is that there is a part of me that enjoys seeing certain people reap exactly what they sowed. You see, those people who made fun of me years ago, who called me weird in a very MEAN way- well, most of them are definitely NOT loving adulthood. Many of them are meth-heads or alcoholics or generally not “living their best life.” They might have been cool, popular, & generally “living it up” when we were teens, but you better believe they aren’t now. The more spiritually evolved, healed part of me wishes them the best & sincerely hopes they can turn their lives around. I really do love a good redemption story. But there is a small part of me that is still a little bitter. I absolutely do not allow childhood slights to rule my adult life- that would be pathetic- but, well, the truth is karma is a bitch & sometimes it is a joy to watch her work!
The Taylor Swift song Mean comes to mind. In the chorus of the song she says “Someday I’ll be living in a big old city, but all you’re ever gonna be is mean. Someday I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me, but all you’re ever gonna be is mean.” That song debuted in 2010 when I was in college & at the time it already felt relevant. After all, I’d escaped my hometown & was doing well in college, which is a lot more than most of those “mean” kids could say. They might have been the ones who used to talk about getting out of our hometown all the time but the vast majority of them never made it very far. But, now in my 30s- oh man, that song is even more glorious! I really am living in a big city now, not NYC or LA or anything like that. But compared to where I grew up, believe me, I am living in a METROPOLIS. And I love it!
And most of those former mean kids? Well, most of them are now just mean adults living a lifestyle that no one would envy. Meanwhile I have all the major things I’ve ever wanted in life- a great husband, a daughter, a house, two dogs, a career I love, & a handful of truly wonderful friends & family. And you know what? It feels so, so good.
So, yes, I love being an adult, despite any & all hardships it brings. Now, you may ask why I’m writing this. Am I just gloating in my own success? Well, maybe a little but I like to thing it’s more than that. I certainly don’t want to make others feel bad. But, you see, I still often find myself feeling lonely in a crowd- feeling like I’m the only person feeling a certain way. So I’m writing this to clear my own brain more than anything- BUT I’m also hoping it will find its way to one of those current weird kids who is struggling, that maybe it will offer them some hope that things CAN get better, that they aren’t doomed to always be lonely & at the bottom of the social totem pole.
The chances are slim to none that any of the former mean kids I referenced here will ever read this. But if by some great miracle you do- well, just know that I have forgiven you. I really have. But I also hope it burns you up a little to see how happy I am now. Just a little.
athicketofmusings 