critical thinking

What Harrison Butker Got Right (& Wrong)


Despite winning a couple of Superbowls in the past few years, I think it’s safe to say that most of us had never heard the name Harrison Butker (or wouldn’t have recognized it anyway) until the past couple of weeks when suddenly his name has been all over the news because of his remarks at a recent Catholic graduation ceremony. As usual, most folks have reacted in the same tired, predictable ways as they tend to do when these sorts of controversial remarks are made. (As a side note, it’s depressing to me just how often I can predict exactly what most people will think about certain issues.)

If you’re somehow blissfully unaware of what Butker said, just Google it & you’ll be able to find a gazillion articles alternately lambasting or praising him. What saddens me most about this particular hullabaloo is that as usual most folks are either worshiping him as the next messenger from God or else roasting him as if he were the anti-Christ & calling for him to be fired. Neither one seems an appropriate response to me. In the meantime, we’ve not actually addressed the real issues at stake here! Furthermore, if there’s anything the last couple years ought to have taught us it’s that there are still a shocking amount of men (& women!) who somehow think the 1950s were the best time in history. Most of these people never even lived then & yet somehow they’ve been convinced those were the golden years of America, nevermind that segregation was still legal & a myriad of other social issues were far from stellar. Yeah, maybe it was a great time for middle class white men, BUT WHAT ABOUT FOR EVERYONE ELSE?! I’ve gone off on a tangent, but my point is that we really shouldn’t be surprised to hear a Catholic man espousing some fairly old school beliefs, much less while at a Catholic school where he knows his audience will mostly be in agreement with him. By no means do we have to AGREE with him, but we shouldn’t exactly be SURPRISED.

But here’s the thing that I think most folks are missing when we discuss Butker’s remarks- the gist of what he was saying about finding satisfaction in life at home & with family is not wrong! That actually IS true. I mean, isn’t that why we’re all about work-life balance these days? What he got wrong was in addressing these points solely to WOMEN. He should have been addressing these points to EVERYONE. After all, as someone who was taken care of the dying, I can tell you that I’ve never had a dying person, male or female, tell me they wish they’d spent more time at work. Do people often wish they’d pursued a different career- particularly one that might have provided better work-life balance? Absolutely! But the crux of the matter is that the vast, vast majority of human beings really do find their greatest purpose & satisfaction in life at home- that is to say with their family & closest friends (the latter I think it’s safe to just lump in under family for simplicity’s sake).

Do I like Harrison Butker after reading his speech? Not particularly. But do I think he deserves to be completely canceled & fired from his job? Well, no. This is America & we’re supposed to have free speech after all! Furthermore, he wasn’t directly representing the NFL during his speech, though I realize it’s impossible to completely disassociate from your career when you’re a public figure of any sort. Even so, I see no reason to throw him completely under the bus. Now am I going to buy his jersey or in any way directly support him after this? No- but to be fair, I wouldn’t have anyway.

This is perhaps a topic for another day but the beautiful thing about being a woman in the modern world (obviously some countries are still not this blessed) is that we have choices. We we can choose to be career women or homemakers or some combination of both. Is there still work to be done to make the world more equitable for women? Absolutely! But I do think one thing feminism has gotten wrong over the years is in falling prey to the patriarchy & doing the exact same thing the patriarchy has always done- which is to devalue women’s roles as mothers. Feminists have far too often ignored motherhood altogether or else treated it like gum on the bottom of our shoes- some nasty trash we can never quite rid ourselves of. Clearly, neither of those options resonates with most women which is why feminism has become almost a bad word in our society. But of course there is still a need for feminism & there always has been- after all, if the 1950s were really so perfect, the modern incarnation of feminism would never have developed the way it did!

I think the most important lesson we can learn here is to use our own brains- we all need to think critically for ourselves instead of always looking to someone else to form our opinions for us or to tell us what to be outraged about today. We need to learn to agree to disagree. We need to remember that words are indeed very powerful but they still aren’t equivalent to actual violence or genocide. (We’ve overused the latter word so much lately that I think we’ve forgotten what it actually means.) And while we’re at it, let’s also build strong families & friendships who love & value each other & together create communities that serve us all.

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6 Reasons Why I’m Proud of My Generation


It seems that lately I’ve heard a lot of criticism of my generation.  It usually goes something like this: We’re lazy.  We’re entitled.  (Or we think we’re entitled.)  We have no patience.  We can’t get our hands off of our smart phones.  We’re too sexually promiscuous.  We don’t know how to dress appropriately.  And the list goes on and on.  Frankly, I’m tired of it.  May I be so bold as to say that such criticisms offend me on two levels: on a personal level because I know these criticisms cannot be fairly applied to me & on a more general level because I know that these criticisms also cannot be fairly applied to the majority of my generation?  In light of that, perhaps I should just shrug off this negativity & forget it.  And usually that is what I do.  But this is a subject that’s been brewing in my mind for quite some time now.  I don’t know that I’ve really thought of it explicitly as a potential blog topic, but it’s just an idea that’s been running through my head for a while now.  As I was driving to my flute group practice today, I started composing this blog post in my mind.  I got to practice & all I could think about was “I’ve got to get home & start writing before I forget this!”  If you’re a fellow writer, I’m sure you know exactly how this feels.  So here we go.  Here’s my response to all those nay-sayers who say my generation is going to hell in a hand-basket or running the world into the ground or whatever else.

millenials

I’m proud of my generation.  To be fair, I’m not sure exactly how to define the term “my generation” but generally I think of anyone who is now about 20-30 as within my generation (that’s anyone within five years older than me & five years younger than me).  To me we are the last generation to grow up without computers as a mainstay of our lives from birth, yet we are one of the first generations to be well versed in computers, ipods, & other such technology as teenagers & young adults.  I see my generation, especially those of us from rural areas where high-speed internet access is still far from universal, as straddling the gap between those who had to learn computers & other such technology as adults & those who grew up with it from day one.  Now on to the meat of the piece: the reasons why I’m proud of my generation.

1. I’m proud of my generation because of our acceptance of those who are different from us.  A great example of this is how common interracial relationships & marriages are in our generation.  Especially in a multi-cultural city like Raleigh, it’s very common for me to see couples at the mall or other public places who are composed of everything from a white man and a black woman to an Asian woman and a white man to any other combination you can think of.  And most of them are from my generation.  As much as I often rail against the mainstream media, take a glance at modern-day ads or TV (much of which is aimed at my generation) & you’ll quickly see that mixed race models & actors are all the rage (& fairly so, for many of them are drop-dead gorgeous.)  [Think Jennifer Lopez, Shemar Moore, etc.]  While older generations still can’t seem to grasp this concept, my generation has realized that all relationships are made up of people with different backgrounds & points of view & thus an interracial or inter-cultural relationship really isn’t that different than any other relationship.  To put this in simple terms consider that I as a white American female probably have more in common with your average black American male than with a white man from another culture, say Eastern Europe.  And yet I know there are plenty of folks from older generations who would much prefer to see me dating a white Eastern European guy than a black American guy . . . If you think that people aren’t capable of overcoming cultural differences to establish & maintain a relationship, then you have far too low an opinion of humanity.  Consider that perhaps the greatest challenge for those in inter-racial relationships is actually dealing with the REACTIONS of those around them, rather than some inherent challenge found in dating someone of another race.  Hmmm . . .

To follow in the same vein, I am proud of my generation for how many of us support equal rights, including marriage, for gays and lesbians.  Not everyone of my generation agrees with this obviously, but I daresay a greater percentage of people from our generation are in favor of gay rights/marriage than from any other generation.  This isn’t meant to be a post about gay rights, but it does warm my heart to see how even those of us from conservative religious backgrounds (such as myself) are questioning some of the things we were taught growing up & realizing that gay rights are a cause we can’t help but support.

2. I’m also proud of my generation for being adept at using technology & handling change.  As a generation who grew up with massive change in technology both at home & in school, we are thus adept at handling new technology in the workplace, even though we’re often fully aware that whatever technology we’re now embracing will probably soon be replaced by something newer & better.  Consider that just between elementary & high school we went from using floppy discs to flashdrives, from cassette tapes to CDs, & from VHS to DVDs.  Thus, we are both swift to learn how to use technology and how to teach others to use it.  Instead of fearing change, we are often the employees who push for change because we are able to see how it can benefit us.  Is it true that some of us spend entirely too much time on our smart phones & seem barely capable of holding a real conversation?  Yes, but I truly believe this isn’t the norm.  I have tons of friends & coworkers of my generation who are fully capable of carrying on in-depth conversations with people of our own & other generations.  But we also know how to use our smart phones to help us navigate a new city or find the closest WalMart or CVS.  Really, how can you say that’s such a bad thing?

3. Yet another reason I’m proud of my generation is for our critical thinking skills.  Gone are the days when people believe anything someone says just because they said it.  No, we are the generation raised on science & because of that you can’t just expect us to follow you hook, line, & sinker without a lot of good facts to back up whatever is you’re trying to “sell” us.  These are the days of Google & you better believe that when we’re shopping for a new car, we’ve already looked up the Kelly Bluebook value online, not to mention user reviews from previous buyers.   Basically, it’s a lot harder to “snow” us.  If we’re interested in religion or philosophy, you better believe we won’t be satisfied with simple answers to complicated questions.  And you better believe we will never stop asking questions & we’ll have no problem leaving behind anyone who tells us our questions are inappropriate or unnecessary.

4. I’m proud of my generation for working hard often with little reward.  We are the generation who were raised to be believe we could be anything & that any college degree, no matter how obscure, would land us a well-paying job for the rest of our lives.  The more insightful of us realized this was always a bit of a fallacy, but many of us believed it because for prior generations it was largely true.  However, right around the time we were graduating from college is when the economy crashed & suddenly many of us were left with mountains of debt & useless degrees.  Suddenly we are competing for the same jobs as our counterparts with “mere” high school diplomas.  Because of our school loans, many of us are having to live at home with our parents or put off marriage & family plans.  Many of us are waking up to the sad reality that we may never be as well-off as our parents.  And that Social Security won’t exist for our generation (because the program is already financially teetering on the edge of disaster) even though we will pay into it for the rest of our lives.  (While much of this is not true for me as a nurse, I do see it all around me in my generation.)  Despite all of these obstacles, I see many folks of my generation creating successful careers whether they be in healthcare, teaching, advertising, network marketing, photography, etc.  For example three of my favorite photography blogs are run by women who are all under 30.  In fact I’m quite sure the eldest of them is 27 or 28 & they are all very successful.  Even though we’re facing obstacles we may not have realized would exist, we are rising to the challenge & eventually employers are going to realize what a valuable resource we are.

5. I’m proud of my generation for leaving gender stereotypes in the dust.  I’m proud of us for realizing that men & women can share the housework, that not everything has to be written in stone as “the woman’s job” or “the man’s job.”  Yet I’m also proud of us for realizing that being a stay-at-home mom is just as legitimate & rewarding of a choice as having a high-powered career.  And that stay-at-home dads are a legitimate choice too.  Women can be doctors & lawyers, men can be nurses & teachers.  Basically we can do all whatever we want.

I could go on & on but for the sake of brevity (HAHA, I know I am pretty much incapable of ever writing anything brief!), I’ll end with this.

6. Perhaps more than anything, I’m proud of my generation for realizing the one thing that I think older generations largely could not grasp: that what’s right for some of us isn’t right for others of us, that there is no ONE right path for everyone, & that the greatest thing we can achieve in life is just to be happy & chase our dreams.

I realize this post would be “better” if I had addressed each of the criticisms I listed at the beginning, but I wanted to list the reasons for which I’m most proud of my generation, not just provide arguments against vague criticisms, some of which are a bit superficial anyway.

Before you say that this post is trashing older generations let me be clear & say that I have nothing but respect for older generations.  (For example, I’m one of those nurses who LOVES working with older people.)  Obviously older generations taught us a great deal & laid down the groundwork for where we are today.  For example, inter-racial marriage wouldn’t even be legal if not for the work of civil rights workers in the 1950’s & 60’s.  I’m fully aware that every generation thinks those that come after it are going to hell.  It’s just the way the world works.  So I will go ahead & ask in advance that when I’m 40 or 50 or 70 or whatever & start railing against my children or grandchildren’s generation, somebody send me the link to this blog post & remind me of how much I hated being criticized when I was young.  Please & thank you.  😉

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