25 Things I’ve Learned By Age 25


I’ll be 26 in a few weeks, & lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how much I’ve learned about life in the 25 years I’ve been alive on this planet.  I’ve read a lot of articles lately with similar titles to this one, & I’ll admit I kind of hate myself for jumping on the bandwagon so to speak by writing this.  But I really do think I’ve learned some valuable lessons in my first quarter century of life, & I’d like to share some of those today.  Most of them are fairly serious, but some of them are more light-hearted & will hopefully make you laugh.  Let me be clear & say that I fail over & over in following some of these things.  Many lessons in life we have to learn over & over again because none of is perfect.  After all each & every one of us is a work in progress, & that’s as true for me as for anyone else.

These are in particular order.

  1. There is no one right path for everyone. I for one grew up with a very black & white view of the world; in other words, a world that was full of moral absolutes.  But as I’ve grown up I’ve realized how woefully inadequate such a paradigm is for a world as complicated as this one.  I’m by no means saying that I don’t believe in any sort of moral structure, but what I do mean is that most of life is really shades of grey.  Every situation is unique & different & there are very few things in life that fall under the category of “always right” or “always wrong.”  This really isn’t as scary as it may initially sound.  In fact it is just the only logical way of viewing life on this vastly complex planet.  Once you’re grasped this concept it is much easier to understand that the right path for someone else may be very different than the right path for you.  More often than not, neither of you is right or wrong, better or worse, only different.  And that is ok.Dalai lama quote
  2. Money in & of itself doesn’t bring happiness . . . but having enough to meet your needs & at least a few wants is a huge step towards finding contentment in this life. In other words, becoming a millionaire isn’t a guaranteed shot at happiness, but working hard & ensuring that you can take care of yourself & your family is most definitely a worthy goal.  Greed can & does lead to a great deal of evil in this world . . . But so does poverty . . . Consider that the most violent, dangerous areas of this country, indeed this world, are often the poorest.  This leads directly into my next point . . .
  3. Everything in moderation really is a great standard to follow in life. Now obviously there are a few exceptions to this rule, as some things really ought to be avoided altogether (like heroin, for example).  But for the vast majority of things in life moderation really is the best road to follow.  For example, despite what I believed growing up, I now understand that it is perfectly possible to drink in moderation.  (And there is no reason to think doing so is wrong.)  Furthermore, there is nothing wrong with eating ice cream or other sweets every once in a while, but doing so every day will likely not end too well.  As another example, sex is awesome, but for a number of fairly obvious reasons, it’s clearly best to limit the number of people with whom you do it.  In the end, most things in life really are best done in moderation.  Sadly our society has lost sight of this in regard to a lot of things, which is why we are in the midst of an obesity epidemic as well why we have an epidemic of college students who drink themselves to the point of oblivion every weekend.   If only we understood moderation . . .
  4. Dogs really are man’s (& woman’s) best friend. Forget diamonds or money or beer.  Dogs provide companionship & love that just can’t be beat.  I personally believe corgis are the best, but really any breed will do.  I didn’t grow up with dogs so when we first got Chaucer I couldn’t believe the difference in my mood just from having a dog around the house all the time.  They really are amazing.  I’m determined to never be without a dog again for the rest of my life.

    Me cuddling with our adorable Welsh corgi, Chaucer  :)

    Me cuddling with our adorable Welsh corgi, Chaucer :)

  5. When you hand someone cash, make sure that the bills are in order from greatest to least (greatest on bottom, least on top) & that all the bills are facing in the same direction (faces up, bills not upside down).  This is just the proper way to handle cash.    If you don’t do it this way the OCD & mildly OCD people of this world, like me, will want to smack you.
  6. Approach everything with an open mind. Sometimes the things you dread the most in life will turn out to be the things you love the most.  And sometimes the things you think you’ll love end up being dull, boring, or just plain miserable.  For example, I can’t tell you how much I dreaded working night shift.  But over three years later I now love it.  I probably won’t want to do it for another 30 years (because it is hard), but for right now it’s perfect for me.  I also went into nursing school thinking I wanted to be an OB nurse because it sounded fun & happy . . . Then I got to OB clinical & realized I was bored & disinterested . . . Instead I found that I loved geriatrics & hospice, things I always thought I’d hate.  Go figure.
  7. When someone is suffering, the best thing you can do is just be there for them. As tempting as it may be, don’t offer advice (unless specifically asked), & don’t try to make the suffering person see the positive side of everything.  Doing so just implies that you are making light of their suffering.  All any of us ever really wants (& needs) to hear when we’re really suffering is just that someone cares & understands that what we’re experiencing is really hard for us.  That’s it.  I’ve been amazed time & time again at how positively people (patients as well as friends & family) respond to a few simple words such as “I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now.  I know it must be really difficult for you.”
  8. Nothing in life is perfect all the time. You will fight with your best friend sometimes.  Your husband (or wife) will sometimes make you irrationally angry.  Your job will sometimes frustrate you so much that you will want to quit.  Your kids may make you question why you ever had them.  There will be days when in fact you question your very existence.  At the end of it all, we just have to find the people & things worth suffering for, the ones who make the bad days worth enduring.  I hope this doesn’t sound excessively pessimistic because I don’t mean it that way.  I’m just being realistic & admitting that life is never perfect.  The sooner we realize that, the sooner we’ll stop being disappointed over the fact that our lives aren’t the fairy tale we think they ought to be.  And we’ll start to understand that the grass really isn’t greener on the other side of the fence.  It’s greenest where you work the hardest & appreciate it the most.
  9. Don’t marry someone who isn’t your best friend. After all, with whom else would you want to spend the rest of your life?  Relationships aren’t half as complicated as most people make them out to be.  Which leads directly into my next point . . .marriage best friend
  10. If a man really loves you, you’ll know it. If he doesn’t, you’ll always be wondering.  (Thank you, James M. Sama, for this wonderful quote.)  Actions really do speak louder than words.  Anyone with enough money can buy you flowers or take you out for a fancy dinner.  But if he doesn’t support your dreams & goals, challenge you to be the best version of yourself, spend time with you even when you’re not at your best, & be there for you during all the best & worst moments of your life, then you need to move on to someone who will.  If a man really likes you & is interested, he WILL call you.  He WILL make specific plans to see you.  And he WILL respond to your texts.  This is really just common sense.  (By the way, I believe all of these things also hold true with the genders reversed.)
  11. Go to as many concerts as you can. I’m not suggesting you spend every penny of your savings on this, but you seriously should not miss out on the ones that are really important to you.  If they’re cheap &/or you can afford it, go to a few with friends even if the bands don’t interest you that much.  You never know when you will discover a new favorite band that you’d never heard of before.  It’s definitely happened to me.  And the only concerts I’ve ever regretted are the ones I’ve missed out on attending.

    eric church concert

    I’m going to see Eric Church for a third time next month . . . And I can’t wait!

  12. Read as much as you can. There is no better way to broaden your horizons & open your mind.  And there is no better way to escape from the humdrum of daily life.  Reading will make you smarter, more articulate, & more well-rounded.  Just do it.
  13. On a related note, be suspicious of anyone who doesn’t read at least a little bit for pleasure or who isn’t passionate about at least one kind of music. There is just something seriously wrong with these people.  If nothing else, they are incredibly boring.  Sorry, I’m not sorry.
  14. If you don’t like how your life is going, start making different choices. As adults there is no one else we can blame for our own mistakes or circumstances.  No, we can’t control everything that happens to us, but we can control how we react to it.
  15. Do the best you can with what you have where you are. (Thank you, Teddy Roosevelt, for that brilliant quote.)  I built my senior salutatorian speech around this quote, & I find it just as relevant now as I did seven years ago.  We’re all born into different circumstances & it goes without saying that some of us are given unfair advantages & disadvantages to start out with in life.  But if we make the best of what we have, it’s amazing how far we can go, no matter how meager our beginnings may be.teddy roosevelt
  16. Life isn’t fair. The sooner we come to terms with this, the sooner we can make peace with the injustices of life & work to make the world a better place.  We will never understand the reason some things happen, but that doesn’t change the fact that they happen.  For example, young people suffering from terminal illnesses is horrible & completely unfair.  But if we spend our time obsessing over the unfairness of it, we’ll never be able to help these people.  I volunteer with hospice because I know that people are suffering & dying whether I’m involved or not.  But I enjoy working with people & their families at the end of life, & if I can do even a few small things to make the process more bearable, I’m happy to do it.
  17. The best music is rarely on the radio. Go to YouTube & play around for a while.  Go to live concerts & discover new bands.  If you want to listen to something more interesting than songs about incessant partying, drinking, & dating, you have to work for it (sadly).
  18. The best food in the entire world is Indian food. Curry is the answer to all boring recipes.  Just try it.  (If you’re in the Raleigh-Durham area, try India Gate in Durham.  The lunch buffet is heavenly, & the price & service can’t be beat either.)indian_food
  19. Whatever physical “faults” you’re most self-conscious about, the rest of the world probably doesn’t even notice them. Seriously, we are all our own worst critics.  No one is paying half as much attention to your big forehead, crooked nose, or acne as you are.
  20. Never pretend to be something or someone you’re not to make someone else like you. If you’re being fake, you will inevitably be found out & it will never work anyway.  If someone doesn’t appreciate you for who are really are, you don’t need them in your life anyway.
  21. High school is barely a blip on the radar in the course of your lifetime. (Thank goodness!)  Seriously, the cool kids in high school are rarely all that cool past high school.  Who you were in high school won’t, or certainly shouldn’t, define who you are afterward.  If the high point of your life was high school, your life is really sad.  Trust me, real life isn’t half as bad as everyone says.
  22. Emotions are just emotions. There is no bigger waste of time than feeling guilty over being angry or sad or experiencing some other “negative” emotion over something.  Quite often these emotions are just natural human reactions to events in our lives.  The only thing that really matters is how we handle & respond to these emotions.avoidance
  23. We are all hypocrites. No matter what we believe or don’t believe, we are all hypocrites sometimes.  It’s ok.  None of us is perfect.  The important thing is to keep trying & to stay humble.
  24. Never judge people based on superficial things such as dress, tattoos, piercings, or accent. Or at least don’t be so indecent as to dismiss people entirely based on these kinds of superficial things.  In doing so, you will often miss out on the true nature of the person.  However, as unfair as it is, we do need to be aware that the vast majority of the world does judge others based on these things.  I’m not saying we should change these things about ourselves to appease others.  I just think we all need to be aware of the fact that, for better or worse, our outer appearance & demeanor are the first things people notice about us.
  25. The only thing we can really be certain of in life is that it is uncertain. And the only thing that never changes is that life is always changing.  I talked about this on here a few weeks ago.  This doesn’t have to be depressing.  We just need to realize that we’re never promised tomorrow.  And we’re certainly never promised a tomorrow that looks anything like our past or the present.  Thus we need to appreciate all the little things in life & make the most of every opportunity & experience that comes our way.  Life is far too short to do anything but have as much fun & do as much good as we possibly can.change quote gb shaw

The 6 Best Bands You’ve Never Heard About


One of my favorite activities in life is discovering new music.  As I’ve mentioned on this blog before, I grew up in a conservative family in a small town in Virginia, & thus it’s not too surprising that I was very sheltered for the first 18 years of my life.  However, once I got to college & had unlimited access to the Internet, including that fascinating place called YouTube, as well as dozens of new friends to broaden my horizons a bit, I began to explore all kinds of new (to me) music.  The biggest discovery I made was that I actually loved rock & metal, which I had previously shunned for most of my life as “devil music.”  In any case, over the past 8 years or so I’ve become a real music junkie.  Indeed, I have to be one of the only people under 30 who still buys actual physical CDs on a regular basis (because I am just weird like that).  I’m also proud to say that I’ve started to become that person who introduces other people to new bands & artists.  Furthermore, one of the best compliments I can receive is being told I have great taste in music (or books).

music speaks

Anyhow, today I thought I would share some of my favorite bands from various genres who are a bit out of the mainstream music scene but whose music deserves to be played on every radio station in this country.  I’ve provided links to at least 2 songs on YouTube for each artist so that you can easily locate some of their best pieces.  I sincerely hope you’ll click at least a few of these links because you never know when you might discover a new favorite band.

  1. Honor By August (Soft Rock)

I first heard Honor By August at a street concert in downtown Raleigh this past Spring.  They were one of the opening acts for Third Eye Blind, & let me just tell you that they blew 3EB way out of the water.  I was so impressed with them that I almost immediately bought their most recent album online & purchased tickets to see them again in August at the Pourhouse in downtown Raleigh.  I was even more impressed with them the second time around.  Honor By August is a 4-piece rock band based out of Washington DC (although their bassist is from right here in Raleigh).  Their music is substantially “softer” than my usual taste in rock, but their lyrics & delivery are absolutely stellar.  The emotion that comes through in Michael Pearsall’s voice is just undeniable.  By turns uplifting & by turns heart-wrenching, the lyrics to their songs are well-crafted & strike straight to the heart.  For a more upbeat song, check out Already Yours (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvhxWavi9eQ).  For a mid-tempo piece, check out We Were Young (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2Qq0JpnNpM).  And lastly for a real tear-jerker about lost love, check out Johnny (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGHaKJrrg9A).

honor by august

  1. Brandi Carlile (Alternative Country/Folk Rock)

Brandi Carlile’s name has certainly started to gain more recognition, as several of her songs have been featured in TV commercials/shows & major Hollywood films.  However, such features hardly do justice to the power of this woman’s amazing voice.  I started to get interested in her when I read Eric Church’s praise for Brandi’s talent.  (After all, anyone Eric Church recognizes as talented is worth at least a cursory listen.)  Well, it just so happened that I came across one of Brandi’s CDs in Boston a few weeks ago, so naturally I jumped on it.  Not only is her music stellar, but I admire her courage in being open about her sexuality.  A married lesbian country singer/songwriter (who is NOT from the South) is clearly far from the standard country music paradigm, & I wouldn’t be shocked if it’s part of the reason she is not played on the radio as she should be.  It’s hard for me to pick favorites, but I’d highly recommend checking out 100 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mS6wXth2bEA), The Story (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8pQLtHTPaI), & A Promise to Keep (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oayzr_KDYFM).

brandi carlile

  1. Nikki Lane (Alternative Country)

I first read about Nikki Lane a few months ago & was immediately intrigued by this alternative country singer who embodies a real rock & roll spirit.  Just this week I received both of her albums in the mail, & I’m thoroughly enjoying diving into both of them.  While maintaining a country style, it’s easy to pick up on jazz & rock influences in her albums.  As someone who loves music that crosses genre lines, Nikki’s music is instantly appealing.  For a slower-paced piece that superbly features Nikki’s sultry voice, check out You Can’t Talk to Me Like That (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCRRO_IqVgs).  Then check out her rock & roll spirit in Right Time (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzS3vU6wZa4).  You won’t find a Wikipedia page about Nikki (yet), but you can read a good interview with her here:   http://www.americansongwriter.com/2014/07/5-nashvilles-finest-nikki-lake-rebel/.

nikki lane

  1. Gemini Syndrome (Hard Rock/Metal)

I first discovered Gemini Syndrome last summer when I saw that they were on tour with Five Finger Death Punch.  As FFDP is one of my favorite bands of all time, naturally that was enough to intrigue me.  As I started looking up their songs on YouTube I was thoroughly impressed with what I found.  Here is a hard rock band, with some definite metal influences, whose music is sensational AND whose lyrics are philosophical & deep.  It wasn’t long before I purchased their album Lux & fell in love.  Introducing others to new music is one of my greatest joys in life, & I’m happy to say that my husband also fell in love with this fantastic album, which sounds much more mature than a debut album.  For an inspirational piece, check out Pleasure & Pain (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5Y1whCvdpo).  Another stellar piece is Basement which was written by the lead singer in relation to his albinism.  I think we can all relate to Aaron Nordstrom when he sings “I never wanted this/I never asked for it/But this is what you gave me/I never wanted this/I never asked for it/But this is what you gave me/Why would you forsake me?”  Haven’t we all felt that way at some point in our lives for one reason or another?  Check out Basement here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMmnl2Gs_Ho.  (And just in case anyone’s wondering because of the symbolism in the videos, no, this is NOT a Satanist or pagan band.)

gemini syndrome

  1. Mindset Evolution (Hard Rock)

My husband & I discovered Mindset Evolution at Uproar Festival in Raleigh two years ago.  Their live performance was very impressive so we bought the five-song disc that they had for sale at the show.  Over the next year I stayed up to date with the band on their Facebook page, & naturally I purchased their first full-length album on the very day it debuted last summer.  This is yet another debut album that sounds very mature.  These five guys from Illinois are clearly dedicated to writing & performing their music & that dedication shows through in their songs.  Check out heavy-hitter Burn It Down (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QA3DP55qumE) & the inspirational The Change (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnADuQVecPA).  How these guys are not on the radio more is absolutely beyond comprehension.  Additionally to anyone who thinks rock music is all anger & negativity, I beg you to give this band a listen & let them prove you wrong.

mindset evolution

  1. Redlight King (Rock- with rap influences)

Redlight King is yet another band my husband & I discovered at Uproar Festival two years ago.  This band features Canadian singer/songwriter Mark Kasprzyk.  After the festival I started looking up their music on YouTube & was surprised at the great variety of styles in the band’s music (some more traditional rock, some with heavy rap influences).  Two years later I now own both of their albums . . . Check out Bullet in My Hand which was the song that really caught my attention at Uproar Festival: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1KL5U-fyMc.  Also don’t miss Kaz’s tribute to his dad in the rap-rock song Old Man: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGt54Ozo8LQ.  Lastly, be sure to check out the inspirational song Times are Hard:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IziTRWzTUo.

redlight king

I sincerely hope you’ll take the time to check out at least a few of these bands who are truly worthy of your attention.  And if you like what you hear, I hope you’ll take the next step in supporting these great artists by purchasing their albums &/or tickets to a live show.  As you may have noticed I discovered three of these bands at live shows . . . And all three of them were NOT the artist I had gone to those shows to see . . . As I said at the beginning, you just never know when or where you might discover your newest favorite band.  Happy listening!

On the Meaning of Suffering & the Uncertainty of Life


My career as a nurse affords me a lot of opportunities to encounter suffering in all of its many forms.  Primarily of course I deal with physical suffering, but by its very nature physical suffering leads into any & all other forms of suffering including both spiritual & emotional suffering, particularly as people confront terminal illness & death.  As many other nurses will tell you, helping people to work through emotional & spiritual suffering is actually much more challenging than dealing with physical suffering.  Additionally I serve as a family service volunteer with a local hospice group which of course brings me even closer to those dealing with their own impending death or the death of a loved one.  People are always shocked that I would choose to spend additional time around those at the end of life, but despite my young age I’ve always felt a special connection with those facing the end of their life or the life of a loved one.  Unlike many people in the healthcare profession, I’ve never viewed death as the enemy but rather as the inevitable conclusion to life, which sometimes can actually be the respite a person needs when they’ve truly suffered long enough.  Indeed I learned very early in my career that there are fates far, far worse than death.

pema chodron quote

Being surrounded by so much suffering in life can be a bit overwhelming at times, & it certainly leads me to think about my own beliefs & ideas regarding suffering & the uncertainty of life.  The older I get & the more experiences I have, the more I’m learning that the only thing of which we can ever really be certain in life is that it is always uncertain.  Indeed, the only thing that never changes is that life is always changing.

Many people say that God allows us to suffer so we can grow closer to Him.  And that God chooses to heal some people while He also chooses not to heal others (for reasons that we, of course, can’t understand).  I just believe that some people get better & some don’t.  However, I do think that “mind over matter” can make a huge difference in how people handle both physical & emotional suffering.  There may very well be some scientific reasoning for this that we don’t yet fully understand, but regardless I don’t think it changes the fact that having a positive but realistic attitude really can change how we experience this life.

pema chodron quote 2

For thousands or perhaps millions of years, humans have struggled with the question “Why do bad things happen to good people?”  I honestly thing it requires more mental gymnastics to believe that God has some elaborate plan we can’t understand to explain our suffering than to simply believe that bad things happen because of scientific reasons such as bad genes or bad timing.  But that doesn’t mean that our suffering has to be pointless or that we are alone in this world.  I just think the only meaning to suffering (or really anything in life) is the meaning we assign to it.  We can choose to allow our suffering to teach us to be a better person & to reach out to others, or we can wallow in misery & cut ourselves off from any happiness that is left to us.  The latter response is only natural & perhaps healthy at first.  But we do have to move past it or we will be miserable forever.  The best way I can sum up my feelings on the meaning of suffering is by sharing a quote from the Buddhist writer Pema Chodron:

Life is glorious, but life is also wretched. It is both. Appreciating the gloriousness inspires us, encourages us, cheers us up, gives us a bigger perspective, energizes us. We feel connected. But if that’s all that’s happening, we get arrogant and start to look down on others, and there is a sense of making ourselves a big deal and being really serious about it, wanting it to be like that forever. The gloriousness becomes tinged by craving and addiction. On the other hand, wretchedness–life’s painful aspect–softens us up considerably. Knowing pain is a very important ingredient of being there for another person. When you are feeling a lot of grief, you can look right into somebody’s eyes because you feel you haven’t got anything to lose–you’re just there. The wretchedness humbles us and softens us, but if we were only wretched, we would all just go down the tubes. We’d be so depressed, discouraged, and hopeless that we wouldn’t have enough energy to eat an apple. Gloriousness and wretchedness need each other. One inspires us, the other softens us. They go together.”

kahlil gibran quote

What is boils down to is this: at the end of the day, you & only you are responsible for your choices in life & how you handle the things that happen to you, both good & bad, even those that are beyond your control.  This is both terrifying & empowering.  It’s terrifying because it forces you to realize that you cannot just blame your parents, the economy, your spouse, your children, your friends, your boss, or anything or anyone else for your own unhappiness or inability to achieve your dreams.  But it’s also empowering because it forces you to realize that you & only have the power to change your life.  Of course there are always some things beyond our control, but our attitude is never one of them.

change your life

I realize this might not be the most upbeat, encouraging post I’ve ever shared but it’s something that’s been close to my heart lately.  Trust me, there are days when I really struggle with the unfairness of life.  I’ve seen patients younger than me with cancer & other chronic illnesses who have died.  And I am only 25!  Seeing young people suffering with illnesses that are completely beyond their control is incredibly difficult, regardless of your beliefs.  The only conclusion I consistently reach is that life is both beautiful & terrible.  And the best thing any of us can do is to appreciate the beautiful parts as much as we can.

With that in mind, when you’re driving down the road & the beautiful Fall leaves are swirling around you, take time to notice how magical that is.  If you’re taking a hike, take time to soak up the enchanting, intoxicating smell of the forest.  Allow yourself to be caught up in the beauty of music.  No matter how hard life gets, don’t close yourself off or refuse to try new things.  As cliché as it sounds, live every day as if it were your last so that whenever that day does come, whether today, tomorrow, or fifty years from now, you will be able to face death with peace & without regrets.

020

Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?


Please allow me to preface this by stating that today’s post is purely my opinion & not meant to be taken too seriously.  I realize this is, at the end of the day, a fairly superficial issue, but nonetheless it’s something I feel compelled to discuss.  Also the title is a bit misleading as I’m really not into the true cowboy look, but I couldn’t think of a better one.

How did I forget to include a picture of the perfectly-dressed Wade from "Hart of Dixie" yesterday?  Oh well, better late than never.

How did I forget to include a picture of the perfectly-dressed Wade from “Hart of Dixie” yesterday? Oh well, better late than never.

This post was inspired by our trip to Boston this weekend where I was a bridesmaid in my college roommate’s wedding.  During our quick tour of Boston I couldn’t help but notice that 99% of the men I saw, whether on the street, on the subway, or in restaurants/stores, were wearing either suits or tight/skinny jeans.  Ewwwwww.  (Just to be clear, I also notice this phenomenon in NC far too much for my comfort.)  Again this is purely subjective, but I am writing this mainly to confirm that there are other ladies out there who are so over this skinny jean fad for men (& women too actually) & who much prefer men in jeans & a T-shirt over a suit or tux any day.  I’ve never understood why so many women find men so attractive in suits.  For as long as I can remember, I’ve always preferred a more casual, relaxed look.  If it had been totally up to us, my husband would definitely have worn jeans & a plaid button-up shirt to our wedding instead of a suit.  But we stuck with a suit because we didn’t feel like rocking the boat too much.  (On the same token, I stuck with a white dress when I really wanted to wear green.  Kind of wish I’d actually gone through with the green dress though.)

I'm biased because I love his music, but Eric Church  knows how to dress: simple & casual but still put-together.

I’m biased because I love his music, but Eric Church knows how to dress: simple & casual but still put-together.

To a certain extent we are all affected by where we grew up & the culture of that area.  So I suppose it’s not too shocking that I find men in jeans & a T-shirt or plaid shirt more attractive than men in suits.  After all I did grow up in a very rural area where suits were solely worn for church, funerals, & weddings.  But even so I’ve never been particularly fond of the cowboy look that is so prevalent in rural areas because a cowboy hat & boots have always struck me as a bit superfluous unless of course you are an actual cowboy, & let’s face, it, that’s unlikely, unless perhaps you’re in Montana or Wyoming.  And just to prove I’m not too much of a country girl stereotype, I’ve never once been “mudding,” have only been fishing once (& have no real interest in going again), & am very picky about country music & indeed I actually prefer hard rock & metal (& classical of course).  Additionally I know plenty of women from rural areas who still find the suit/tux look very attractive for men, so clearly our preferences aren’t 100% dictated by our background.

hipster male fashion

Why???!!!

Perhaps my dislike of suits arises partly from the fact that I’ve always been most attracted to men with broad shoulders & muscular arms & these types of men usually look a bit stiff & awkward in suits.   Additionally, as I’ve written about in the past, I am a very casual person so formalwear is far from my cup of tea (for myself included, & naturally if a man is wearing a suit, it means I would need to be dressed up to in order to be with him).  I don’t like fancy restaurants because the atmosphere feels stiff & forced, & I prefer bonfires by the river (or house parties) to clubs or bars any day of the week (largely because at the former you can actually talk to people without screaming over obnoxiously loud dance music & you can drink without paying an arm & a leg for it).

Imran Khan is a Hindi actor who has a great relaxed style.

Imran Khan is a Hindi actor who has a great relaxed style.  I mean, how could you say no to this?

Basically all I’m saying is why are so many men forcing themselves to wear tight jeans, silly hipster sweaters, & suits when none of these things can be at all comfortable?  If something isn’t comfortable, I don’t wear it.  Wearing something uncomfortable just violates my sense of logic & practicality.  This is why I don’t own a single pair of stilettos & never will.  Also when will society ever get over the idea that dressing up somehow makes you a “better” or more trust-worthy person?  I fully support the notion that we shouldn’t go out in public without looking in a mirror & trying to appear at least a little bit “put-together,” but why should a man in a suit automatically be judged as wealthier, more honorable, or more “gentlemanly” than a man in jeans & a T-shirt?  And as much as I hated the low-riding “gansta” jeans of the 2000’s, tight jeans on men are just gross.  Duh.

skinny jeans men

Thank goodness for men like my husband who are rocking the jeans & T-shirt look.  Now can y’all help the rest of your gender get their act together?  Please & thank you.

The New Grad Nurse’s Survival Guide


It’s hard to believe that it’s been three whole years since I was a new grad nurse.  What’s even more amazing is how much I have learned & grown as a nurse in what is really a very short amount of time.  I’d never have believed it if you’d told me I’d be a charge nurse or a preceptor starting at age 24!  There are several new grad nurses on my unit at work right now, & I also have several friends who are currently in nursing school, so I’ve been meaning to write a post like this for quite some time.  For one reason or another I have never gotten around to it, but tonight I feel motivated to give it a shot.  Please don’t think I’m identifying myself as some nursing expert or genius, but I do think I’ve gained a certain amount of wisdom over the past three years that’s worth sharing.  Here goes.nurse pic

  1. Find or create a good report sheet. I cannot tell you how important this is.  I created my own just a week or two into my first job & it made such a HUGE difference in how prepared & organized I was during those first few months as a nurse.  When I moved to NC a year later & got a new job I eventually created a new report sheet because I realized I needed something different.  Furthermore I realized that trying to cram all my information for 4-5 patients on one sheet of paper was just ludicrous.  As long as you have a clipboard, there is no need to fit everything for all of your patients on just one sheet of paper.  I now write all of my information for each patient on a different piece of paper (as in one paper for each patient).  I write meds & other scheduled procedures/tasks on the back of each sheet.  Then I can check them off (by highlighting them) as I go.  You just have to find something that works for you.  You can see my report sheet by clicking the link at the end of this paragraph, but of course your needs will vary depending on the type of unit/area in which you’re working. Nursing Report Sheet
  2. To extrapolate on that topic, invest in a good clipboard, the kind that you can store papers in. You can get them at Wal-Mart for about $8.  These things are genius because you can use them to store hospital policies, blank copies of your report sheet, & other such things that you want to have handy at all times but that you couldn’t possibly fold up & store in your pocket every shift.nurse clipboard
  3. Buy scrubs with plenty of pockets. I don’t care if they are the cutest scrubs in the world, if they don’t have lots of pockets (2-4 on the top & at least one cargo pocket on the pants), they are a waste of money.  Before you start your shift (either before or after report), stock your pockets with the most commonly needed items on your unit.  In my case, I always carry a roll of tape, scissors, a penlight, IV tubing dead-enders (“blue caps”), 10 mL saline flushes, alcohol swabs, a pen, a highlighter, & a miniature Sharpie.  Depending on where you work, of course, your needs may vary, but at a minimum you should always have alcohol swabs because nothing is more annoying than having to make extra trips up & down the hall just to obtain an alcohol swab that you could have easily had in your pocket.  (Additionally, penlights are awesome for night shift nurses because they make it easier to sneak into dark rooms without waking your patients OR tripping over equipment in the room.)scrubs pockets
  4. Don’t rely too much on information you receive in report. I’m by no means implying that you shouldn’t trust your coworkers, but I just know how hard this job is.  I know how easy it is to miss a lab value or to get one patient confused with the next.  ALWAYS take the time to verify orders in the computer (or God forbid the old-fashioned & horribly antiquated paper chart), research your patients’ lab values & test results, & read the doctor’s notes as much as possible.  Remember that if you’re ever involved in a court case, saying “Well, the day shift nurse told me such & such in report” is not going to cover you.  For example, if you’re giving blood, double-check that the patient has signed a consent form.  If you’re giving multiple IV medications at once, double-check that they’re all compatible.  Don’t just assume that if the last nurse gave them together it must be ok.  Really look at your IV & central line dressings & make sure they are dated appropriately.  Read over ALL the orders on the patient’s chart.  What I’m saying is it’s really easy to miss stuff & we all have to hold ourselves & each other accountable.  GO BACK TO THE SOURCE.  Read the orders.  If you’re uncertain, ask another nurse for help, then call the doctor for clarification.
  5. On that subject, before you page a doctor, have all of the information gathered that you might need. Get a set of vital signs, familiarize yourself with the patient’s medical history & test results, & try to have a plan in mind of what you want the doctor to order (SBAR really is brilliant, y’all).  If you don’t know what you should be asking for, consult another nurse.  As a new grad, sometimes it’s hard to know what to expect because you are new & inexperienced, but the more experienced nurses around you should be happy to help you (I know I always am).sbar
  6. Find a routine. I know this can be so challenging because every shift can be so different.  One of the hardest things about nursing is finding a balance between having a routine that keeps you sane & “on schedule” & having to be flexible & adapt that routine to the differing circumstances you face each shift.  Every nurse’s routine will be different & that is ok.  It’s all about finding what works for YOU.  Yes, this will take some time.  But really make an effort to analyze how your day went at the end of each shift.  Over time you will identify trends of what made one day better than the next.  Just as an example, I have detailed my basic routine below.  Obviously I have to shuffle things a bit sometimes based on various circumstances that occur during my shift, but in general this is the routine I try to follow because I have found it works best for me.
    1. After clocking in, I stock my pockets with all of the items I mentioned in point number three above.
    2. Then I look up my patients in the computer & start outlining my report sheets with as much information as I can. This allows me to know what questions to ask in report.  If I go into report blindly, it’s harder to anticipate what questions I need to ask.  I don’t always have time to look up everything I’d like, but even a little information is better than none.Abstract of Doctor Writing on Clipboard with Dramatic Lighting.
    3. Get report. I like to log into the computer in the room during bedside report so I can double-check orders, meds, etc with the previous nurse.  If the patient has a major wound/incision, a central line, a PCA, etc, I double-check that with the previous nurse during report.  If your hospital doesn’t participate in bedside report, I encourage you to do some research & suggest it to your manager.  A lot of nurses aren’t fond of bedside report, but I love it.  Here is why: It gives me a chance to meet my patients before actually doing their assessment & to ask them if there is anything I can bring for them when I come back to do their assessment.  I can then write down those requests & be more prepared when I next enter the room (in other words, it saves me time in the long run).  Furthermore it’s a huge safety measure that protects both patients & nurses.  And additionally if anything crazy happens during the first hour or two of my shift, I never have to worry that I haven’t even laid eyes on some of my patients yet because I’ve already at least seen them during bedside report.  As a new grad nurse in a facility that did not (at the time) participate in bedside report, one of my greatest anxieties was knowing that if anything slowed me down in the first hour or two of my shift, there were patients I literally hadn’t even seen yet (& there was no way I could guarantee when the last nurse had seen them either).  I no longer have that anxiety . . . Ok, I apologize for the tangent.bedside report
    4. After report, I get back on the computer & finish looking up lab/test results, orders, doctor’s notes (from the current day), & anything else that I feel is particularly relevant for my patients’ care. The only time I break this part of my routine is if I have a patient with a particularly urgent need.  Even then I make time to do this as soon as that urgent need has been addressed.  Yes, I do have a few OCD tendencies, but I really do think it’s important to have as much background on your patients as you can.
    5. Next I start on assessments & meds. As a new grad I usually tried to do all my assessments first & then do meds.  Eventually I realized this was taking me way too long & patients sometimes got annoyed if their 2100 meds weren’t given till 2200 or later (usually because they wanted to go to sleep earlier & didn’t want to be woken up for meds).  Nowadays I try to combine meds & assessments, usually starting with the “easiest” patients first (i.e. those with the fewest meds, those who are “walkie-talkies” & less likely to need 30 minutes of care in addition to everything else).  By starting with the easier patients, I can then devote more time to my more time-consuming patients without worrying that I’m late to see everyone else.  If you have a patient whose meds all have to be crushed or who is confused & likely to fight taking their pills, if at all possible, save them for last.  Exception being if they have some kind of truly urgent need of course, but that should go without saying.  It should also probably go without saying, but 99% of the time you can & should group your 8 & 9 o’clock meds, etc.  Just know what your hospital’s protocol is in regard to this.nurse giving meds
    6. Chart as you go as much as possible.  At the very beginning, this might not be possible because you might not yet be familiar with your hospital’s charting system.  But over time this is really one of the best ways to manage your time efficiently.  At the very minimum I try to chart safety checks, pain & IV assessments, & any relevant I&O since those things can all be charted relatively quickly anyway.  Then when I go back to finish up my charting later, all I have to do is add in my head-to-toe assessment, care plan, & patient education.  If I don’t have time to chart the head-to-toe assessment in the room, I’ll jot down notes & the time so I can remember it later.charting cartoon
    7. After I finish meds, assessments, & at least a little documenting, I’ll round on all of my patients again to ask about evening snacks, toileting, etc.
    8. At midnight (or noon, if you’re day shift) the cycle starts again at # 5 above.
  7. Get to know your fellow nurses, both as nurses & as human beings. I know I wouldn’t be the nurse I am today without the guidance, coaching, & support of so many great nurses with whom I’ve had the privilege of working over the past few years.  Nursing is absolutely a team effort & knowing you’ve got people to support you will go a long way in making your first year as a nurse more rewarding & less stressful.nursing teamwork
  8. On a similar note, build a good relationship with your NAs because your NAs will make you or break you. Show them that you’re committed to the unit & your patients by chipping in with vital signs & toileting when you can.  I’m not saying you shouldn’t ask them for help, especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed, but don’t be that nurse who leaves the room to find an NA to take the patient to the bathroom just because you don’t feel like doing it.  That is unacceptable (unless of course you have a true emergency with another patient).  A good NA is worth her weight in gold.  When you have one, show them how much you appreciate them.  I’m a much better nurse when I have good NAs to help me & I always strive to make sure they know that.  Remember, we’re all in this together.
  9. When you’re scared to try something, do it anyway; just find someone to help you. I was never one of those nursing students who was dying to learn to start IVs.  In fact I was terrified by the idea.  Unlike some, I didn’t become a nurse because I wanted to stick needles in people.  I really didn’t.  It took me a solid six months as a nurse to really get a handle on starting IVs because I was just so freaked out about it.  I would get so nervous that I was practically paralyzed with fear.  But I am so thankful for a few nurses who really took the time to help me, to even push me into rooms to start IVs, even when I really didn’t want to, because guess what: eventually I got it.  And after a few more months, I actually became pretty good at it.  Not great perhaps, but good enough that people occasionally asked me to try an IV for them.  Sometimes you will fail over & over again, but every time you fail you still learn something.  And it truly is all in your head.  Once you master the fear, you will be amazed at how quickly your skills improve.  On the same subject, don’t obsess too much about your hands-on skills.  You will master them with time.  Focus on time management & critical thinking because at the end of the day these things are what will really make you or break you as a nurse.  I’ve said it before & I’ll say it again: as a nurse your must important tool is not your hands; it’s your brain.  Use it!!nelson mandela quote
  10. Don’t beat yourself up for not being perfect. No one is ever perfect.  We’re all still learning, & that is part of what makes nursing so much fun.  And we all have days when we feel like we’re just barely keeping our head above the water.  It happens to the best of us.  It’s very easy to get burnt out in nursing between demanding patients (& family members) & unsympathetic/unrealistic upper management, not to mention the sickness & death we see on a regular basis.  Realize you will have times when you are not the angel of kindness you always dreamt of being.  Just be aware of it so you can temper it & not become a bitter, angry soul.  Go out with your nursing buddies & vent about your frustrations.  They really are the only ones who can truly understand what you’re going through.  Additionally, find outlets away from nursing that allow you to relax & rejuvenate.  For me that means listening to music, playing my flute, hiking, reading, & above all, writing.  It doesn’t matter what your outlet is, as long as it contributes positively to your mental health.
  11. If you’re working night shift, realize it does get easier with time.  I DREADED night shift.  I cannot tell you how paralyzed with fear I was about it because I have NEVER been a night owl.  Even in college, I never once stayed up all night.  But guess what: three years later I now love night shift (for a variety of reasons which you can read about here: http://athicketofmusingsblog.com/2014/06/06/10-reasons-why-night-shift-rocks/).  Everyone has to find what works for them in regards to adjusting to night shift life, but for me I’ve found that working three nights in a row is helpful so that I can have a more “normal” life on my days off.  Also black-out curtains are a MUST.  The Eclipse brand sold at Wal-Mart or on Amazon are fabulous.

night shift humor12. Perhaps the most important advice I can offer is also the simplest: ASK QUESTIONS.  If something doesn’t feel right, speak up.  Do not be afraid of “looking stupid” or “bothering” other nurses or even doctors.   Mistakes happen when people DON’T ask questions.

If you’re a new grad nurse or a nursing student who can’t wait to graduate, I hope you’ve found this post helpful.  Your first year as a nurse will be incredibly challenging & incredibly difficult at times, but please believe me when I say it really does get better & easier with time.  Take a deep breath, listen to some Five Finger Death Punch or Godsmack to get you all fired up, & go out there & be the rock star nurse you know you were meant to be!

If you’re an experienced nurse & would like to chip in with your ideas, please comment below.  I’d love to hear from you.  As I said, I’m always learning too.  Cheers!

Sweet Potato Curry Stir-fry with Quinoa


If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, or if you know me in real life, you probably know that cooking is mostly a chore for me, & it’s not exactly my forte.  Furthermore my husband & I have somewhat different tastes in food so it’s difficult to make something that truly appeals to both of us.  However, this weekend I hit the jackpot & created a delicious stir-fry that BOTH of us loved.  I originally made it just for myself, but my husband smelled it & got curious, so he tried it.  Turns out he loved it as much as I did!  I came home from work on Monday morning to find that he had taken a sizable portion of the stir-fry to work with him for his lunch that day.  And he texted me later on that day asking me to make more of it the next day so we could have it all week.  This has pretty much never happened before in our relationship, as between the two of us he is a far more talented cook, & more often than not we each cook for ourselves because we do have such differing tastes in food.  Cue me feeling like a domestic goddess!  Haha!

This of course got me to thinking that this recipe might be worth blogging so others could give it a shot.  Not only am I excited that I finally found something that both of us really enjoy, but I’m also proud of the fact that I created this dish purely out of my imagination.  This is not to say someone else hasn’t made exactly the same thing before, but I truly didn’t follow a recipe here.  I just took some ideas I’d found online & adapted them to what fit my own tastes & the vegetables I had on hand in our pantry.  Alright, enough talking it up . . . Here’s the recipe!

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Start out with your quinoa.  I used this kind that I got at Kroger which is a blend of quinoa & brown rice.  Now that I know I love quinoa, I’m going to buy it in bulk at Whole Foods since this kind does have a bit more sodium than I think is necessary (400 mg for the whole box, which in the grand scheme of things isn’t that much, but still).  The spices that are in it are all things I already have in my kitchen so I no longer feel l need to buy it like this.  But if you’re just starting out with quinoa, I think this kind is a great way to get into it.  For this kind, you just add 1 3/4 cups water & let it boil until all the water is gone.  Once the boiling has started, turn the heat down to medium.

P1090776Once the quinoa is on the stove, you can start on your veggies, but first get out your skillet & whatever kind of oil you’re going to use.   I always cook with iron skillets because I think they’re healthier than Teflon & they make things taste better too.

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This is the coconut oil I use.  I get it at Sam’s Club.  I cook almost everything with coconut oil or sometimes olive oil because I think they are the healthiest AND taste the best.  You can turn your heat onto medium so that the oil heats up while you’re peeling & cutting up your sweet potato.

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Peel your sweet potato & cut it up into bite-sized pieces.  Then cover with curry.  I never measure but 1-2 TBS is probably about right.

P1090778Above is the curry I use.  It is also from Sam’s Club.  Curry is full of antioxidants so it’s a very healthy spice/seasoning that is also FREAKING DELICIOUS!  However, it does have a tendency to stain everything it touches a very BRIGHT yellow, so just be sure to rinse your counters/cookware as soon as you’re done cooking/eating so the stain comes off easily.

I had never heard of sauteing sweet potatoes until last week, but it’s actually a very easy & delicious way to cook them!  However, it does take a while, so the first step for the stir-fry is to add your sweet potato chunks to your now warmed oil.  Depending on your stove’s settings, you may want to turn the heat down to medium low once you’ve added the sweet potatoes to the oil.  Allow them to saute for a good 10 minutes before adding any other vegetables because they take a lot longer to soften than most veggies do.  Stir occasionally &, if you desire, add additional curry (or any other spices that suit your fancy).

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Use a fork to test the sweet potatoes for softness.  Once they soften a bit, you can add your other veggies.  I used frozen white corn & pearl onions, pictured above (both from Kroger).  I also used frozen yellow squash.  All of these veggies cook very quickly, so again make sure your sweet potatoes are more or less done when you add these veggies.P1090780Once you have all the veggies in your skillet, you can add your curry sauce.  I used Rogan Josh curry sauce, pictured above.  I love the Patak’s brand of curry sauces because they are all-natural, relatively low in sodium, & just plain delicious!  Someday maybe I’ll make my own curry sauces at home.  But I’m not THAT much of a domestic goddess yet, ha!  I usually get my Patak’s sauces at Kroger but I know Food Lion sells them also.

P1090785Doesn’t that look yummy?!

P1090784In case you’re not familiar with what quinoa looks like, above is the finished quinoa.  If you time things just right, the quinoa should finish about the same time as the stir-fry finishes (about 15 minutes).  Pour the stir-fry over the quinoa & your dish is ready to serve!

P1090787Finished product!  This is so delicious.  AND it reheats well which is really essential if you’re like me & need to be able to cook something that can last for several meals throughout the week.

 

You can easily make this a non-vegetarian recipe by adding beef or chicken or whatever meat you desire.  My husband & I are both devout carnivores, but we both really enjoy this stir-fry without any meat, so it’s definitely perfect as a vegetarian dish also.  Easy, healthy, & delicious; what more could you ask?

To sum up, below are the necessary ingredients:

  • 1 whole sweet potato
  • Frozen (or fresh) corn, yellow squash, & pearl onions (regular onions would work just fine too)
  • 1-2 TBS (or more) Curry
  • Rogan Josh curry sauce (many other curry sauces would work also)
  • Coconut oil (or whatever your preferred cooking oil is)
  • Quinoa/brown rice mix (plan quinoa or plain rice would work too)
  • About 15-20 minutes of time to devote to cooking

And here is a quick summary of the directions in case you want to copy/paste them into your computerized recipe book.  (Let’s get real: my recipe book is a Microsoft Word document in which I copy/paste recipes I find online.  Maybe it’s not all cutesy like an old-fashioned recipe book, but it works.  I can’t be the only person who does this.)

1. Bring quinoa/brown rice mix to boil.  Turn down to medium heat once boiling begins.

2. Bring coconut oil to medium heat.

3. Peel sweet potato & cut into bite-sized chunks.

4. Pour curry over sweet potato chunks.  I never measure but 1-2 TBS is probably about right.

5. Add sweet potatoes to warmed coconut oil.  Depending on your stove’s settings, you may want to turn the heat down to medium low while they cook.  Stir occasionally & add any additional curry or other spices as desired.

6. After about 10 minutes, or whenever sweet potatoes start to soften, as tested by a fork, add other veggies (corn, squash, & pearl onions).

7. After a minute or two, add the Rogan Josh curry sauce.  Continue to stir occasionally.

8. At this time, your quinoa ought to be finished.  Whenever the water is all gone, remove from stove & add to bowl/container.

9. Pour contents of stir-fry over quinoa.

10. Voila!  You’ve got a delicious, healthy, & easy dish to eat & share!  :)

I hope you’ll give this dish a try.  If so, comment below to let me know how it turns out!

A Letter to My Fellow “Man”


Dear “Sirs,”

I walked into a pizza parlor today & immediately I felt your eyes upon me.  As I made my way to the counter to place my order I could feel your stares just as strongly as if they had been your all too grimy hands.  And just a few days ago I had a similar experience at another restaurant when I stopped in for breakfast on my way home from work.  That time you had me surrounded.  Two of you in front of me in line, two of you behind me.  Then you found your way to a table & I found your leering eyes upon me every time I looked up from my own table.  I left feeling dirty & used even though you never touched me or even spoke to me once.

These are just the two most recent episodes of such behavior that I’ve observed.  Sadly these things happen far too often & not just to me & not just in America, but in every tiny town & every major metropolis & every culture in every nation on this planet.  I think it’s safe to say that women all over the world will concur with me that such behavior is offensive, intimidating, & simply degrading.

'BOY that REALLY makes my skin crawl when MEN undress you with their eyes!...'

I’d find all this unwanted attention a bit less shocking if I were dressed in clothes that scream “Look at me!” but I never dress like that.  Miniskirts, booty shorts, & low-cut tops have never been my style.  While I firmly believe both men & women have the right to dress however they choose within context, there is no doubt that our attire does send certain messages about ourselves, whether we realize or want to admit it or not.  (When I say within context, I mean that wearing a bikini to work is clearly unacceptable, unless maybe you’re a model.)  This is not to say that leering at women who choose to dress in more “provocative” attire is acceptable, but at least it is a bit more logical.  In the end though, the burden of responsibility falls on the person who is committing the crime.  And in this case that burden falls squarely on the shoulders of you “men” who have probably never stopped to think twice about how your leering at every unfortunate female who crosses your path might make said female feel.

Maybe this situation wouldn’t be so distressing if I had some means of seeking revenge upon you.  If I could make you as uncomfortable as you make me with your leers & snarky smiles, I’d be happy to try to turn the tables on you & give you a taste of your own medicine, so to speak.  But sadly if I were to leer at you with even half the lust with which you leer at me, you’d probably just be flattered & text your equally sadistic buddies all about it.  Let me be clear in saying that I do not buy into the age-old argument that sex is inherently demeaning or degrading to women.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  But your eyes tell me quite plainly that you view me as nothing more than a sexual object who exists for your pleasure, & this too could be nothing further from the truth.  In reality I am a human being with dreams, hopes, goals, aspirations, & yes, even sexual needs & desires, just as you are.  But that last bit doesn’t justify your treating me as nothing more than a walking vagina with tits & an ass.  Trust me, we females enjoy checking you guys out too, but by & large we don’t view every man who walks by as a piece of meat to feast our eyes upon.  And even if we did, we could never threaten & intimidate you the way you can us because biology is pretty simple & we are as a whole not as physically strong as you are.

women not pieces of meat

I know you probably think you’re doing me some kind of favor by paying attention to me, but your twisted logic isn’t fooling anyone but yourself.  The only thing you’ve accomplished is making it very obvious that you’re so far below my taste in men as to not even be a blip on my radar (not that I’m looking since I’m married, but that’s beside the point in this scenario).  You’re probably not so self-aware as to realize this, but your leers are just a power-play, a way to make you feel stronger when deep down your sense of self is weaker than you’d like to admit.  Real men who are confident in themselves & their ability to win an intelligent well-rounded woman don’t need to stroke their ego by intimidating women with lustful stares & winks at their friends.

And just in case any of you guys happen to be smart asses, no, the answer to this predicament is not me staying at home or putting on a burka to go out in public.  The answer lies in you learning to have some self-control & self-respect which will then enable you to show respect to others.

End message: We’re all human beings here.  Yes, we all have sexual desires & needs but that’s no reason to be disrespectful.  Get over yourselves.  Get your own act together.  And get your dirty eyes off me.

Sincerely,

A woman with too much self-respect to put up with your BS any longer